


Beauty in the Breakdown

by darkcharmerxo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Character Death, Dark, Death Eaters, F/M, Love, Obsession
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-27
Updated: 2016-07-03
Packaged: 2018-01-06 09:38:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 67,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1105268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkcharmerxo/pseuds/darkcharmerxo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A beautiful girl with a secret she needed to keep. Who would ever accept that Katharine Keeler was in love with Severus Snape? Not her friends and especially not her mother. After he pushes her away, Katharine finds herself down a path she never imagined for herself. No more good girl, no more innocent girl; you couldn't be that girl if you wanted to be a Death Eater.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you guys enjoyed the prologue. Feel free to review and leave some suggestions. I have a few chapters written of the story already so updates should be pretty quick for the first little bit :)

I felt his eyes on my back; I could feel that he was silently cursing me in his head. Still I didn't turn and run away, I didn't beg for them to let me go. I had to do this.

No I **needed**  to do this.

"Katharine Keeler," the smooth voice called from the shadows. "Do you give yourself to the Dark Lord? Do you agree to be his humble servant? Do you agree to do as he wishes?"

I felt an urge to look behind me; I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know what he was feeling.

Did he feel responsible for this? Did he blame himself?

"I do." I replied.

The man stepped out of the shadows; his white blond hair hung down to his waist and his pale eyes peered into my soul. Lucius Malfoy gave me a smirk that, only a man who knew something that you didn't, would wear.

"Hold out your arm."

I let my pale arm slip out from my long sleeve, black cotton top and Lucius grabbed it, turning my hand so my wrist was showing to him. Another smirk formed on his lips.

I closed my eyes, expecting a great pain to happen to my arm but instead I felt myself being pulled away causing my eyes to shoot open.

"What's going on?" I demanded when Lucius had pulled me away from the group and towards the stairs.

"Now, now my dear surely you were informed about what happens before you receive the mark of the Dark Lord."

We began up the stairs and I shook my wrist away.

"I can walk by myself," I hissed at him. "But no I was not told. What is going on?"

He chuckled. "Somebody has quiet the attitude."

He lead me into a room and I heard the door behind me being shut and locked. I turned to him; his arms were now crossed and his smirk was even wider now. He was waiting for me to say something. Maybe for me to question what was going on.

"You still haven't answered my question Malfoy."

He took a step towards me, the smirk had left his face. Before I knew was happening he had advanced on me until I backed into a desk; he grabbed my hair and twisted me around then pinned me down so my cheek was pressed up against the top of the desk and my back was perfectly flat.

"I expect you to call me Lucius during this my dear."

"I don't…"

He pressed himself into my backside and I felt him. Now I understood what was happening. My gift to the Death Eaters, my thanks for letting me into their elite group was to fuck one of them.

"No…" I whispered.

He didn't stop; he let go of my hair and ran his hand down my back. His other hand snaked around my waist and went to the button my black dress pants.

"Get the hell off of me!" I squirmed underneath him but he was too strong.

When it was over he let me fall to the ground with my clothes bunched in my arms; I wiped the tears from my eyes hoping that he didn't see. He reached down and tucked my hair behind my ear.

"The Dark Lord will be there when you get back downstairs. Don't waste too much time." His voice was cold, unemotional. He didn't care what he had done.

Without another word he left me by myself.

I glanced up from the floor and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror that sat in the room; my dark hair that had been flat and straight when I arrived was now all over the place and my eyes that people would normally tell me were bright and lively were now just merely a dull green.

I slipped my clothes back on and fixed my hair as best as I could then headed back down the stairs.

I was greeted by the roomful of Death Eaters that had watched me leave except this time I found myself face to face with Voldemort. I was a little surprised at his appearance; he didn't look like a man.

More like a snake.

"My Lord." I bowed my head, not wanting to look him in the eye.

"Well, well, well never the day did I expect to see the great Evangeline Keeler's daughter standing before me." he said to me.

I kept my head down.

"You may look up."

I raised my eyes and met his; the were evil and cold. I didn't want to look anymore but I knew I couldn't look away. I knew he wanted to look me in the eye when I answered to him.

"I have been told that you have done well with the task you were given."

I felt the urge to shudder at the thought; my  _'task_ ' made it sound like I has chosen to go upstairs with Lucius and that I choose to have sex with him. Obviously he liked the fact that he had power over me or else I have a feeling I wouldn't be told that I had done well.

Or at least I wouldn't be alive for much longer. Somehow I got the feeling that wasn't going to happen.

"Hold out your arm."

I felt slightly apprehensive at the command but I did as I was told.

He drew his wand out and pointed it at my wrist. This time I knew for sure what was going to happen. I didn't dare close my eyes because I knew he would want to look me in the eye. He would want to see the pain on my face.

A pain shot threw my whole body and I couldn't help but let out a loud, painful scream.

I caught him looking at me; at first glance he looked emotionless but something was off in his eyes. He looked almost…guilty.

It was hard to believe only a few years back I was waking up in his arms, telling him that I wished the night hadn't ended.

I was so naïve and happy then and now I just wanted so badly for him to notice me. To be in his arms again.

I know what they would think if the new the truth, my family and my friends. They would wonder how a nice girl like me wound up with a man like him. They would assume that he took advantage of me or something like that.

But the truth was I loved Severus Snape and nothing was going to change that.


	2. Counting Stars

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the next one for you all! Enjoy!

There was something about teaching that made me want to smile; thrusting your knowledge upon others gave me somewhat of an powering feeling. That was something I wasn't use to getting in my younger years.

I had always been the quiet girl. The Ravenclaw who let her hair hang in her face; only pulling it back when working on her potions.

I loved potions class. I loved being able to help people.

It also gave me the powering feeling.

After graduating from Hogwarts I headed to a teaching school, hoping I would be able to learn a few things. Then after graduating there Dumbledore invited me back to Hogwarts. I was to be a potions apprentice under Professor Snape.

At first I was sitting in the corner or in the back, cleaning cauldrons or cutting up things, only getting a break when students would get detention. But then he would hand me off papers to grade and I loved it.

I never expected to love him though. Not in a million years.

I had only been taught by Snape in the seventh year when he first began to teach. He wasn't the nicest teacher in the world but he knew what he was talking about. I had already loved potions but when he taught I began to love them even more.

I was a top student and maybe that's why he accepted me as his apprentice. I can never really be sure.

Snape was never that cruel to his students and he was never that angry until the year that Harry Potter stepped through the doors of Hogwarts. That was the year when things began to change.

In more ways then one.

It had only been a month since he began to teach Harry but already I could tell he was on the edge. I had been helping him for two years and working with someone for that long you really begin to notice these things.

"Sir," I started when the students had cleared the room. "Are you alright?"

He snapped his head towards me and there was a glare in his eyes. "I'm fine Keeler!"

I crossed my arms and bit down on my lip; for as long as I had been helping him, he still referred to me as if I was his student and not his equal.

"It's Katharine." I told him simply.

He looked at me again from his paperwork like he had no idea what I was talking about; his eyebrow was raised.

"Excuse me?"

"My name," I began. "is Katharine and I would appreciate it if you talked to me as your equal. I am not a student here anymore and I don't like being treated like one."

He look back down at his papers then back at me and then he began to mark his papers again; it was like nothing I had said even took a tool on him. But still I stood waiting for a reply. When he said nothing I began to tap my foot impatiently.

"Fine Katharine, you may leave for the day."

Believe it or not he actually began to call me by my name well besides when we were in front of students. Then I was referred to as Miss Keeler but then I found it was acceptable and thought nothing else of it.

The rest of the year went like that; there was no change other then him actually treating me like a person rather then a lump of dust on the floor.

The next year we actually chatted about things, mostly potions but it was still something.

I don't know when I actually started to want to be with him, it really just happened out of the blue. I found him attractive and I had caught him glancing my way a few times. It made me feel like a school girl who had a crush on her teacher.

I wanted him but I knew that in a million years that it would never happen.

Or at least I thought it would never happen.

I actually considered him a friend into the next two years and I also made a new one; Remus Lupin. He was handsome and charming and very kind to me. But he saw right through me and my denial.

"Severus and I are merely friends." I told him flatly.

"I don't doubt that my dear. But what I do doubt is you saying you don't want to be more. You're a very attractive woman and I am sure he wouldn't turn you down." Remus replied quietly.

We had been in his office after classes; a routine I had gotten myself into from the beginning of the year. I always found that he would listen to what I had to say, no matter how ridiculous it was. He was a good man and I knew that.

"I didn't say I didn't want more," I blushed at my own words and kept my head down. "But even if I am 'attractive' as you say, that does not mean he is interesting. Severus likes to keep to himself and I know that." I explained.

"My dear," I looked up at him and stared into his eyes. "There is no harm trying."

I took his advice and headed down to Severus's office; I didn't know why I was doing it. Maybe Remus gave me the confidence I needed to actually do something as bold as this.

I knocked on the door to his office but got no response so I check the classroom.

Harry Potter and Ron Wesley sat on the floor scrubbing cauldrons and I suddenly remembered that Severus had in fact given the two detention for being 'smart asses' as he put it.

I walked into the classroom and they looked up at me briefly but, when I looked towards them, they turned their heads away quickly so I wouldn't catch them glancing. I smiled and laughed silently in my head. They were probably afraid of Severus catching them looking at me instead of proceeding with their punishment.

"Sever…Professor Snape." I corrected myself; their were students in the room and I still wanted to appear professional.

"Yes Miss Keeler." he didn't even glance up from his paper work.

"I was wondering if I could have a word in private."

That got his attention; he looked up and I nodded towards the two boys as to say it was something their ears shouldn't hear. He got up from his desk and lead me into his office and then shut the door.

"Katharine." he said.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to go get a drink at the Hog's Head tonight." I told him simply.

"What?" he looked at me like I had killed someone.

"If you are wondering why it is because I think it would be nice to go out and have a good time." I shrugged my shoulders. "We are friends it really doesn't have to mean anything," he looked a little calmer now.

"But that doesn't mean it can't." He tensed up slightly again.

I waited for reply. It felt like hours but it was only a few seconds; my mind was racing.

Would he accept or reject me? Did he want to or would he accept only because he felt like he had too?

"I suppose it would be acceptable." he finally said.

"Okay so I will meet you at the Hog's Head at seven?" I asked trying to keep my excitement down.

"I suppose that would be fine."

"See you then!"

I ran out of his office door that lead into the hallway; I couldn't believe that he accepted the offer. Of course he would only see it as friends having drinks but who knows what could happen. I didn't want to over excite myself but I couldn't help it.

Finally things were starting to look my way.

* * *

I wore a simple black dress the bar and it got me some stares but I really didn't mind. When I would walk around with my mother when I was younger people would stare at her; my mother was a beautiful woman. People say I looked almost identical to her aside from my hair color and my eyes.

It was almost like a ying and yang kind of thing; she had pale blond hair and dark, almost black eyes and as far me, I was dark haired and pale eyed. I never knew my father but I knew if I ever did meet him, he would have dark hair and light eyes like me.

"Hey there Severus!" the bar tender yelled towards the door. "Didn't expect you here on a school night!" he chuckled.

I turned my head and smile brightly when I saw Severus walk through the door; he was wearing his normal black pants but instead of a black robe he wore a simple black, long sleeve shirt. I was surprised; I had expecting him to wear his robes.

Maybe he did see this as a date.

"Katharine." he greeted while sitting down next to me.

"Severus," I took a sip of my drink that I had ordered when I first arrive. "I didn't expect you to dress up and just for me? Well I am honoured."

I watched at his lips formed into a small smirk; he found that amusing.

"What can I get you Severus?" the bartender asked while taking a quick look at me.

"The usually." he replied simply.

"Okay and another drink for the lady?"

I picked up my glass and downed the rest of my drink; I reminded myself never to do that again. I tried not to make a face and instead smile at the bartender. "Sure. Another drink would be great."

There was a silence between us, Severus and I that is, that lasted until our drinks came; suddenly my confidence was going down the drain. We sipped our drinks in silence and it wasn't until he was asking for another drink did his voice escape his lips.

I needed to say something, anything so that I didn't look like a total idiot.

"So what made you want to meet me tonight?"

He looked at me with no emotion; it was like he forgot I was still sitting there. He looked back down at his drink and took another sip before answering me. The answer he gave me was something that threw me off guard.

"You were nervous and I was curious why you would be nervous when asking a friend out for a simple drink." he gave me a smirk.

He was making fun of me.

"Bastard." I muttered under my breath.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing." I said quickly while taking another sip of my drink; at least we were talking more then I expected. I really thought that we would just be sitting there only drinking which, at first, that's all we were doing.

We finished our drinks and ordered some more; everything was becoming cloudier and cloudier with every drink I drank. I really didn't want a bad hangover the next day but the more I drank, the more time I would get to spend with him.

I just hoped I wasn't going to do anything stupid.

Unfortunately for me, stupid was beyond what I found when I woke up the next morning.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, my head was killing me. I knew I went way over the line with the drinking and vowed never to get that drunk again unless I didn't have to do anything for the next week. I fell back down into my pillows and sighed.

That's when it hit me; something was off. I tried opening my eyes wider and then stopped in my tracks.

Someone was groaning beside me.

I shot up and opened my eyes wide; I was naked and not in my room. I looked beside me and had to stop myself from screaming.

Severus was also beside me, naked as well.

"Oh fuck!" I tried to keep my voice down but it didn't work; he was waking up.

He looked at me and didn't say anything for a minute. He was as confused as I was.

"We didn't get that drunk did we?" I asked him, jumping out of bed and starting to find my clothes. I didn't care about running around nude in front of him at the moment because my clothes were too important.

"Apparently we did." Was all he said.

I got dressed quickly and looked at the clock; we had twenty minutes till class.

"Shit!" I cursed again. I had all of my clothes on now and was heading towards the door. Before I left I turned around and looked at him; I knew this was going to be awkward later.

"Let's never get that drunk again." Then I left as quickly as I could.

I managed to get back to my room with fifteen minutes to spare; I had to use a spell to make my hair look clean and I tied it back quickly. I grabbed the first thing I could find and slipped it on then ran out the door.

I wouldn't make it for breakfast which, meant I wouldn't get to see Remus till lunch. I reminded myself to kill him when I got to talk to him in private. If he hadn't have told me to ask Severus out for I drink then I wouldn't have ended up waking up in his bed the next morning.

Not that I didn't mind the thought of spending the night with Severus it was just I didn't go that fast, never. I assumed he thought I was a slut or something now which, didn't really help me in anyway.

When I got the classroom, a few students already sat in their seats and I was thankful for it; I really didn't want to have to be only with Severus just yet.

Another thing the be thankful for was that Severus was keeping his head down and writing something on some papers. He looked like he was intentionally trying to keep his focus away from me.

"Miss Keeler your looking nice today!"

I turned and saw a Slytherin boy giving me a smirk; I tried to remember his name but I couldn't think of it. I didn't even both to wonder why he was smirking or anything like that. I just smiled and gave a thank you.

"Mr. Malfoy take your seat." I heard Severus say from his desk.

I walked over to my own desk and sat down in the seat; I stack of papers that needed to be graded sat in front of me. I sighed and pulled out a red quill and began to mark as Severus taught. It was like nothing had happened the night before.

"Here you go. All graded and ready to be handed out." I handed Severus the finished graded papers and smiled slightly. It took me two classes to finish marking all the papers he had given me but I got them done by lunch.

"Thank you. I will have more for you to mark in the next few classes."

I sighed as I headed towards the classroom door; he was trying to keep me busy so we could have as little social time as possible. I thought it would be better if I would just give up on him now; I had went on a date with him then slept with him and there wasn't much else from there.

Aside from falling in love.

At that time I thought it was impossible; I would never fall in love with Severus Snape. All I had was a simple crush that would now have no chance of going further.

Boy oh boy was I wrong.

* * *

"Remus this is all your fault!" I hissed at him while sitting down beside him to eat lunch.

"What is?" he looked at me confusingly.

"You told me to ask him out and now he thinks I am a slut!"

"A slut?" he looked away from me trying to put the pieces together. "Why would he…oh you didn't…"

"What else do you think I mean! We got overly drunk and I suppose one thing lead to another and when I woke up this morning I was in his bed!"

"Katharine," Remus began with a small chuckle. "Did he call you that outright? Did he tell you to get out? Did he yell at you?"

"Well…no but still he didn't have too!" I cried while planting my head in my hands.

We didn't talk anymore about it; Severus had shown up for lunch and I didn't want to embarrass myself anymore. I knew that somewhere down the road it would be brought up again, really it couldn't just be ignored.

Around this time I felt like giving up and just quitting at the end of the year; something like that couldn't really be on the table with your mentor. Like I said before, everything comes up somewhere down the road.

I kept my thoughts to myself for the rest of lunch, only talking to Remus when he talked to me and after the short conversation we would stop talking and then begin to eat again. I didn't mean to be rude but my mind felt like it was on a roller coaster ride.

"Katharine." Remus acknowledged me when I got up to head for class.

"Yes?" I turned to him; most of the students and teachers had left already.

"You look very nice today." I could tell he was holding back a grin.

Finally I looked down and realized what I had thrown on; a high waist black skirt that touched my mid thigh and a white blouse with puffed sleeves. I wasn't known to wear skirts so I probably appeared to everyone that I was dressing up.

Or that I looked like a slut.

"Great thanks." I muttered to him as I walked away.

Now Severus probably thought I was dressing up for him; now it all made sense while little Draco complimented me today and why Severus hushed him up.

Somehow my day just kept getting better and better.


	3. You Got It Bad

 

Now your probably wondering when I actually started loving him.

It began at the end of the year; Sirus Black was in Hogwarts and Harry Potter and his friends blindly went after him which, caused Severus to chase them. In the end Severus ended up a little bruised and Madame Pomfrey insisted that he be checked out.

When I arrived he was laying in a bed, grumbling to himself.

"What happened?" I asked, out of breath. I had ran all the way up when I heard from Dumbledore what had briefly happened. I just didn't get the whole story.

He glanced over at me. Before he could give me an answer, Madame Pomfrey walked over and fixed his pillow. "Severus is staying overnight for observation. Potter got him pretty good."

"Harry Potter attacked you!" I shouted.

"Miss Keeler!" Madame Pomfrey scolded. "If you want to stay in here keep your voice down!"

"Sorry Poppy." I apologized.

She seemed satisfied with the apology and walked away, leaving the two of us alone.

"Katharine, I advise you go and get some rest. You do have to monitor examinations tomorrow."

I sighed out loud; I had hoped to forget about that.

"Fine I will leave when you fall asleep. You need to monitor as well! Don't forget I am also doing checks during second period so I can't take you shift." I reminded.

"Of course."

We stayed silent for the rest of the time and I just looked out the window; things had gotten better between the two of us and by better I meant that we still talked. We never did talk about that night and I never wished too. Ever.

I wasn't sure for how long I had been staring out the window but when I looked down at Severus he was sound asleep.

It was then I started to love him.

In that moment I saw a different side of Severus Snape I am not sure if anyone else ever saw. His face wasn't scrunched up in anger like it normally was; he looked peaceful. Then I realized my hand was intertwined with his.

"Severus." I whispered.

I let go of his hand and stood up only to bend down again and give him a small kiss on the cheek. "Sleep tight." I told him quietly.

Before I left I turned around to give him one last look, to see if I had imagined the peaceful look on his face. He was not scowling and he did not look peaceful; he looked as if he was been hurt badly. All I saw was pain.

It was then when I started to realize that his heart wasn't cold and if was then I began to truly love him. I wasn't sure of his past or even most of his present but there was one thing that I knew, in my heart, for sure.

I wanted to be apart Severus Snape's life in one way or another.

* * *

When the summer had began and I headed back home I choose to meet up with my closest friend, Addison, instead of first heading to my mother's. I knew that she would be a little upset about it later but, I had much to tell Addison.

"Katharine!" she cried running over to me and wrapping me in a giant hug.

"Addy!" I hugged her back.

She pulled away quickly and I got a good look at her. I had always been envious of Addison's look; she was very tall, slim but still somehow managed to have curves. Her hair was a light, golden blond and her eyes were chocolate brown.

"You cut your hair." I observed. Normally her hair would be flowing down to her waist and now it was chopped off at the shoulders.

"Like it?" she asked doing a turn like she was some kind of model.

"Of course. Let's get out of here."

We headed to a small café that was just around the corner from the train station; I had been here a few times with Addison before I was leaving to get on the train but never when I was getting off the train. It was busier then usual; the summer rush.

"Coffee, two creams, one sugar." Addison told the waitress.

"Same except I'll take two sugars." The waitress nodded and walked away.

"So," Addison began when our coffees had arrived. "How was the year? Good I suppose?"

"Actually it was amazing!" I told her. "I have so much…"

"I am sure Snape was a git like always. Remember when he was teaching us that one year? He was a real asshole he was." she took another sip of her coffee and then looked back up to me. "Sorry you were saying?"

I knew then I couldn't tell Addison anything about my new found interest. She would ridicule me and then lecture me on what an ass Severus was. I thought on my feet quickly and made up some story off the top of my head. She seemed to buy it.

"Katharine you are going to make an amazing teacher." she told me. "I wish I had you instead of Snape. Class would have been much more amazing."

I finished my coffee and took out a bit of money from my pocket; it felt like she was rubbing salt in the wound. She didn't realize what she was doing and I knew that but, it still hurt. She didn't know Severus like I did.

"I have to go meet my mother now Addison. You know how she is."

"Of course I do." she took out a bit of money and threw it on the table. "That women is vile and I know she is your mother but I can't help it."

"Oh Addison." I sighed as we walked out to the café.

"The woman hates me!"

"No, she hates me." I told her.

"Are you kidding? She loves you! You're her precious daughter! The only mistake you made was the become an apprentice of Snape's which, is the only thing I agree with her about. But at least he hasn't turned you into a sour head."

"I'll see you around Addison."

I walked into an alleyway and flicked my wand. Suddenly I was sitting on the ground in front of a tall, dark wooded house. The house was tall and long; it looked like once a wealthy family might have lived within which, one use too. When my mother was younger her parents, who were both pure blooded, her, her brother and sister lived in the home. Back then, or from what I can tell from pictures, it use to be bright and lively but now it looked dead. My mother inherited the house after her parents died. First it was given to my aunt and uncle but unfortunately they were killed, so then it was given to my mother.

The first memory I had of the house was when I was five; me and my mother had played outside.

Well she watched while I played in the leaves; she didn't like to have fun with me like other mother's you saw in the park. Unlike other mothers who when their children fell they would comfort, she would tell me to pick myself up and brush it off.

Everyone said how my mother loved me and missed me but the truth was she cared the least bit about me.

I walked up to the door and knocked. It only took a minute or so for the door to open. Staring back at me was my mother. Her blond hair was pulled back in some fancy style and her dark eyes felt like they were peering into my soul. It was almost like looking into a mirror except your reflection was the opposite what you were.

"Katharine." she greeted with little emotion.

"Mother." I said back. "I met up with Addison at the train station, that's why I took so long."

We walked into the house; nothing had changed from the last time I had been there. The stairway across from the front door was still dark wood and looked a little dangerous and the living room that, was to the right of the stairway, still had the same, old like furniture it held when I was a child.

We headed into the living room and she sat down on the couch in the elegant way she always did. "So," she began, crossing her hands on her lap. "How was this year?"

I sat down on the chair and folded my hands the same way. "It was alright."

"You still like training under Severus Snape?"

"Of course he is a great teacher and he knows what he is talking about."

She sighed and it reminded me of myself. I had picked up many habits from her throughout my life. "Katharine you could have done anything and yet you choose to learn how to make potions under some man who could care less about anything but himself." she leaned back, her voice had a little bit of emotion in it; she was frustrated with me.

"Mom I love what I do and Severus is a good man."

"So now you are on a first name basis?" she questioned. My mother had the great ability to pick up on anything and everything. It was something that kept me from sneaking out with Addison when she would stay there for part of the summer.

"Why does that matter?" I couldn't help but snap slightly.

"So your sensitive about the topic. You been doing more then learning at Hogwarts dear?"

"Mother!"

"But Severus Snape? I really expected more of you."

I got up from the chair and headed towards the stairs; before I walked up I turned to her. She was staring at me coldly and I tried to hold back what I was going to say. "Mother," I started. "Go fuck yourself."

I stormed up the stairs knowing she wouldn't follow me, she never followed me when I talked back to her; she knew I needed to cool off. I realized in my youth that me and my mother were very similar, personality wise. The difference between me and her was, whenever I would have a child, I wouldn't treat that like they were nothing.

Well that wasn't all true. Despite my mother being overbearing, she was very protective of me. Someone had once told me that started when my father had left; she didn't want to loose me like she had lost him.

I had reached the top of the stairs and made my way to my old room; it sat at then end of the hall on the right hand side. I opened the door and saw my bags laid on my bed and my owl sat in her cage. I always sent over my stuff as I was leaving Hogwarts for the summer so it would be there when I arrived home.

My room hadn't changed much since I finished my years at Hogwarts; there was a large bed diagonal to the door and beside the bed was a large window. The window faced the backyard which, lead into a forest. On the walls hung pictures of me and Addison when we were younger and then their was one of my mother when she was pregnant with me.

I had always loved that picture because my mother looked happy and serine. She was so beautiful back then. Really she was beautiful now.

I walked over to the window and looked out. My mind began to wander to Severus; I missed him a lot. I missed Hogwarts a lot as well.

I looked over at my owl in her cage then over at the desk that her cage sat on. Quickly, I ran over and pulled out some paper and a quill then, began to write quickly.

"Take this to Severus." I told her while opening my window and letting her fly out.

Watching her fly away, I wondered if he would write back. Even if he didn't it still made me smile to think about him receiving the letter. What would he think? What would feel?

I closed my window and sat down on the bed; I didn't know what would happen this summer and really I didn't care that much. I just wanted to be back at Hogwarts, back with Severus and away from my mother.

* * *

Two days later, at around mid noon I received a reply.

I wasn't expecting him to write back, especially not so soon but nevertheless I was happy. I hadn't written much on my letter; just a simple hello how are you and I invited him out somewhere.

The reason I was going to give; I wanted to know if I was able to take over teaching some classes.

It was the perfect plan in my eyes. Tell him I wanted to meet him so I could ask him about classes and then somehow we end up talking more. He then invites me out again in a few days and then it goes on from there.

It was a win, win situation for me.

I opened the letter, eager to read his reply.

_Katharine,_

_I am doing quiet fine. I will gladly accept you invitation to dinner as friends since, it seems whatever you need to ask is important._

_You may pick the place and time._

_S. Snape_

I quickly pulled out my quill and wrote back a restaurant on the outskirts of the town; since I lived outside of town and preferred using muggle transportation while at my mother's house, it only made sense to pick a place close to me.

After I sent my owl back, I flopped onto my bed on my back and looked up at the ceiling; my mind was racing with thoughts of what could happen at dinner and after dinner. I didn't want to push the image of myself being easy like I did before. I refused to let that happen.

I had told him to meet me for dinner tonight which meant I needed to find an outfit for the date.

"It's only dinner. Not a date." I told myself. But I couldn't help it; he wasn't rejecting me like I thought he would. He was accepting every offer I made and he seem to generally enjoy my company.

I lay on my bed a little while longer, fantasying about what could happen tonight. Would he laugh with me? Offer to pay? Kiss me goodnight?

My little dating experience cause me to be like an over excited, twelve year old girl.

In the summer when boys use to ask me out I would, of course, need to ask my mother if I could go out with that night. That would lead to the question of who I was with and what we were going to do.

"Michael Wilson? Isn't he that dirty boy at the park?"

"Danny Richards? Didn't he get into a fight last week?"

I suppose my mother was trying to protect me from falling in love with a 'bad boy'. That lead me to always be afraid to even ask a boy out knowing, that my mother would only tell him to bugger off and scold me for even thinking the boy was acceptable.

My mother wasn't going to find out about me and Severus and even if she did, she couldn't stop me from going.

I pulled out a pair of dark wash jeans and a fancy black top that Addison had bought me for a going away gift; she always has good taste.

I pulled back my hair in the bun and did a turn in the mirror then ended up shaking my hair out; it looked better that way in my opinion. I looked at the clock and saw I had about two hours before I had to be at the restaurant. I decided to head back downstairs so I could call a cab and snack on something before going.

I hadn't eaten in a little bit.

"Where are you going?" my mother walked into the kitchen as I was digging into the fridge and pulling out a carton of juice. I walked over to the phone book while, sipping at the juice and picked up the phone.

"I am going out tonight."

"Where?" she asked back quickly.

I hung up the phone and groaned. "I am not sixteen years old anymore. Does it matter?"

She crossed her arms and didn't say anything while I called the cab; I was told they would be their in a half an hour.

"It does matter if you are going to be going out with some boy and not coming home till tomorrow. I know you think you know everything Katharine but you don't."

I put my hands on my hips and glared at her. "I am not a slut mom. Plus that I am not going out with some boy." I held back the urge to tell her I was going out with a man; that would cause more trouble. Unfortunately she caught me.

"Don't tell me your going out with Severus Snape!"

I stormed out of the room.

"I knew it! Katharine get back here now! Severus Snape will hurt you in the end! You don't know everything you need to know about him!" she grabbed my arm before I could go up the stairs to my room. "Your still a girl who doesn't know what she is getting herself into."

"No mother I am not a girl anymore and if you don't want me to leave then stop smoothing me here!" I screamed.

She looked confused causing me to groan loudly and throw my hands in the air.

"I am not going to be like my father and leave you unless you push me to that!"

She stood frozen and I ran up the stairs but didn't go to my room. I sat on the top where she couldn't see me and heard her stumble in the living room; I heard the cling of a glass and liquid pouring into it. I really didn't mean to hurt her like I did but it was hard not to get angry at her. She just pushed me too hard to be the way she wanted me to be.

It wasn't long before I heard the honk of the taxi cab; I ran down the stairs and out the door without so much as a goodbye.

I got into the taxi and instructed him where to go; I would get their with a half and hour to spare so I could looking around in the small shops that were close to the restaurant.

Then it hit me; I was going to get to see Severus after the short time we had been apart and I was excited. I felt like jumping up and down and screaming out the window. I tapped my fingers off the window in anticipation for tonight.

Severus Snape was going to see that I was the right woman for him. One way or another.


	4. Don't Rain On My Parade

Chapter Three

I tried to buy some time but I ended up entering the restaurant early anyways. I picked and table where I could be seen easily when Severus walked through the door. He showed up not too soon after me, probably expecting me to be late. I smiled brightly at him when he sat down.

"Katharine." he greeted, nodding his head towards me.

"Severus." I nodded back.

I was about to say something when the waitress arrived asking us what we would like to drink and soon after took our order. The restaurant was more like a fancy diner and there wasn't many people in the place at that moment.

As we sat in silence, I remembered when we went to the bar and told my self I needed to say something. I cleared my throat, remembering my plan.

"So I was thinking that perhaps I could take over teaching some classes?" I threw it out there like it was nothing but when he choked on his drink, I had a feeling it wouldn't go over so well. Already, my fairytale ending looked like it was going to be harder then I originally imagined.

When he finally looked up at me, I tried to explain myself. "It's just, I have been with you for so many years now and I think I am ready." I took a sip of my drink and continued. "I mean I know almost everything, I can clean, mark and I take over for you when you have to leave and children aren't dead!"

"Katharine there is going to be a lot going on this next year." he said after a short pause. "But I will speak to Dumbledore about the matter."

Then silence again. Luckily our food came not to long after and we began to eat quickly. Now I was out of ideas what to talk about; we had already went over the only thing I brought to the table. I couldn't let the night end in silence, I couldn't.

I racked my brain and went over what he said, looking for a topic. Finally I found one.

"So what is going on this year? By the sounds of it something big?"

He took a drink and placed his empty glass down. "Yes something big."

That was it? That's all he had to say? Now I felt like he was shooting down my conversation on purpose. Now I felt like an idiot as much as I looked like one. How could I have been so dumb? I took a small breath in and reminded myself that I couldn't act like the child I was being at that moment.

"You can't tell me?" I asked with a small smile.

He raised his eyebrow. "No I cannot."

I titled my head to the side and unintentionally pushed my lips together in what I am sure looked like a small pout. "Please?" I begged. Whenever someone said they couldn't tell me something that made me always want to know why they couldn't tell me and in turn know what it was they couldn't speak about.

He placed his fork and knife on his now finished food plate and didn't say another word.

I felt the urge to buy him a drink; at least then we had something to talk about well, do.

It wasn't until we got outside and began to walk towards nowhere in particular when I said something, not to him, more to myself. I crossed my arms and looked away from him. "I am such an idiot."

I thought he would say nothing. But he surprised me. "Your not."

I turned to him and uncrossed my arms. I didn't know if he wanted me just to shut up and leave or if he was being generally honest. He wasn't looking at me but I still stared at him. "You don't even know."

He turned to me now and stopped, I did the same. "Despite what you think, you are not an idiot. Your very…intelligent."

I didn't understand the pause but didn't push it. I had just received a compliment from Severus Snape. "So this thing you can't tell me about," I changed to topic quickly, turning to hide my redden cheeks. "Something to do with the whole school?"

He nodded.

I tapped my finger against my chin. "What about…other schools?"

He nodded again.

I began talking out loud, looking for ideas on what could be going on. I wasn't sure how long I had been going until Severus stopped me and glared down at me with his black eyes. "It's the Triwizard Tournament!"

"Oh." was all I could get out.

He started to walk again and I followed him in silence for about ten minutes until we reached a the middle of town where only few people were walking. I wasn't sure where we were going, I wasn't even sure if he knew where we were going.

"Look what are we doing?" I stopped him and he turned to me. When he didn't answer I let out a growl of frustration. "I just want to know if I am following you around for any reason or if I should just leave."

"Well  _Katharine_ if you don't want to follow me then you should leave. Unless you don't wish too." When he looked over at me again I felt my cheeks go hot and looked down at the ground. I heard him chuckle slightly and then he began to walk again.

I looked up and bit my lip, watching him walk away without looking back. "Damn that man." I muttered as I began to chase after him, yelling for him to wait up.

It didn't take long to reach our destination, it was a small pub wedged between two large buildings. As we stepped in and sat down at the bar I turned to him, a little confused on why we were even here. The bartender walked up at smiled at us then asked what we would drink.

Severus ordered a small glass of brandy and I ordered a something with vodka in it, wasn't quiet sure what it was exactly but it sounded good enough. When our drinks came, I took a sip, noting that the drink was very good, and watched the bartender walk away.

"So why are we here?" I didn't know which he would answer; why were we in a pub or why were in a muggle pub.

"I need a drink." he simply told me.

I didn't push it any further and downed my drink quickly and asked the bartender for another. I turned to Severus who had only finished half of his first drink. "Stop me when If I drink to much okay?"

"Sure." he took another minute to finish his drink and then he asked for another as well.

We small talked while drinking out drinks and I felt the world start to go fuzzy again; I finished my drink and then didn't ask for another. I turned to Severus who seemed to be just fine. I blinked a few times to keep my focus straight.

"I think I need to go home."

I stopped; my mother would be there and would surly have something to say about me being a little drunk walking through the door. Then again if I didn't come home she would have something to say about it. I asked the bartender for another drink.

"My mother is going to kill me." I downed the drink quickly trying to get the thought of her scowling out of my mind. It helped a little.

Severus snorted a laugh beside me and I glared at him. "What is so funny?" Normally I wouldn't have snapped at him like I did but the alcohol had its affects.

He raised his eyebrow and held back a smirk. "Your mother is going to be angry?"

Great. Now I sounded like a mommy's girl.

"Have you ever met my mother? She would like it better if I stayed home all the time and just rotted in the house. At least I would be safe and she HATES me being at Hogwarts training under you! She thinks that something is happening, that stupid woman. It's not like I am going to have sex…" I stopped and shook my head; my life story didn't really needed to be known but I couldn't stop. "Alright beside that one time; she thinks I am going to sleep with you like all the time."

He didn't have a chance to say something when the bartender walked up. "Sir I think your friend has had a little too much tonight. This will be her last drink."

"Of course." Severus told the man politely.

"Wait!" I yelled as the bartender walked away leaving one finally drink in front of me. "I'm good! I can handle more! I swear!" I downed the drink in front of me in one sip and then stood up only to find myself falling down. Luckily, Severus caught me in time.

He dragged me out of the bar after paying for our drinks and then help me stumble along the street.

"I'm sorry Severus. I didn't mean to get drunk." I told him truthfully. "You just get me nervous!"

He stared at me and then turned away. I tried to explain what I meant but that didn't really help either. "I mean I am nervous because I want to sleep with you!" I hiccuped then covered my mouth.

I didn't dare say anything more.

"Do you at least remember where you live?" he asked, obviously ignoring my comment from before. He didn't look at me either which, I was thankful for. I might have died on the spot if I met his eyes.

I thought for a minute and I drew a blank. "No."

He grumbled and lead me to a small inn that we passed as we headed to the bar. I fumbled for my wallet and put all the money I had in his hands. "That's for everything!" He took the money and shoved it into his pocket.

When we reached the inn, he got a room for the night and lead me quickly to the room; I am sure we got some strange looks but I think he just wanted me somewhere were I couldn't get in trouble.

The room was small but it would make do for sleeping. He shut the door behind him and lead me over to the bed where I fell onto my back and laughed loudly. "I am going to feel like an idiot in the morning!" I laughed at my own words.

When I notice Severus turning to leave I ran to the door, with a few stumbles, and stopped him from leaving. I pressed my back against the door so he couldn't open it. "Don't go." I told him.

"I need to go." he told me trying to get me away from the door.

"No you don't. Stay." I locked the door so no one would walk in.

"Katharine…" he began to say.

I put my finger to his lips and stopped him. Now I was feeling more confident then before, something I would probably regret in the morning. I ran my finger across his lips and he grabbed my hand and pushed my fingers away.

"Did you think I was joking when I said I wanted to sleep with you?"

"You are obviously too drunk to know what you are talking about!" he gave up on the door and stormed over to the bed, realizing I wasn't going to let him go so easily. I chased after and pushed him down so I was on top of him.

"Severus I know what I want and right now I want you." I leaned down and pressed my lips against his. He tried to push me away but in the end gave in. His hands traveled down my body to my hips which he pressed hard against him. I pulled him over so he was on top of me now, pinning me to the bed. When he looked at me, I knew half of him wanted to stop. But the other half was telling him a beautiful girl was laying in the bed, wanting him so keep going.

He leaned down and began to kiss my neck, I threw my head back and let out a loud moan.

I didn't wand him to stop and he didn't; it was almost like a dream that I forgot was actually happening. Every time he said my name, a fluttery feeling went through my stomach. He was saying my name, my name!

When it was done he wrapped his arms around me and then I heard his soft breathing. He was sleeping.

"Severus." I whisper cuddling into his embrace.

I felt safe in his arms and soon I began to drift away as well.

Nothing would stop it now; I was going to be with Severus for as long as we lived. He cared, he showed me that tonight. But then again maybe I was being a child, imagining his love for me. My mother would tell me that.

No, he cared and I vowed to follow him through everything. Everything.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning he was gone, a brief note saying he had to meet with Dumbledore to discuss some things. I found my clothes in a pile across from the bed and tried to ignore my headache; it wasn't as bad as the last time me and Severus slept together.

Suddenly the nights events came back to me and I couldn't help but giggled; I felt like a child stealing a cookie from the cookie jar.

I made my way home quickly, my address now clear in my head. When I arrived, not to my surprise, my mother sat in a chair in the living room; one leg crossed over the other and a cup of coffee in her hand. She didn't raised her eyes at me when I sat on the couch and didn't say a word. The silence was killing me and that was the point.

"Are you going to say something?" I asked her bluntly.

She placed her cup down on the table beside her and finally looked at me. "Katharine I can not chose who you do what with but Severus Snape is not the man you think he is."

"Mother, Severus is a gr…"

"Katharine you don't know what you are getting yourself into!" she stood up, her eyes filled with furry. "Severus Snape is not a good man!"

I jumped out now and began to storm out of the room; I wasn't going to have this argument with her, she didn't know Severus like I did. She didn't care about him like I did. She wasn't the one in bed with him last night.

No, I knew Severus and she didn't even know the beginning of what kind of man he was.

"Severus Snape is a Death Eater Katharine!"

Her words stopped me in my tracks; Severus was a Death Eater? No that couldn't be right, he couldn't be one of those monsters. I turned back to my mother, my eyes were probably as angry as her's.

"Why would you even make up such an awful lie mother!"

"Katharine," she stepped towards me and touched my arm. "Did you look at his wrist?"

I was about to answer when I realized I couldn't; his wrist was the last thing I was looking at and now that I thought about it, his wrist had never been in my view. Fear panged in my stomach. He couldn't be one of them, he wouldn't.

So I lied. "Yes mother I looked at his wrist and saw nothing." I turned and this time walked away and headed up to my room. I didn't have to look back to know she knew I was lying.

It didn't make sense to me at all. Why would Severus be a Death Eater? He taught at Hogwarts and Dumbledore isn't stupid! He would have figured it out. But then again Severus could be working for Dumbledore and just a very good liar.

I wanted to talk to Severus, send him an owl but I knew I couldn't just ask him out again. First off, I wanted him to ask me and second, I thought it was too soon. Then again I didn't really know much about any of this stuff.

I flopped back on my bed and covered my eyes, my headache now returning from the grave. I walked over quickly and shut the blinds in my room and then went under the covers of my bed, hoping to just sleep the hangover off. I had dozed off for what felt like forever when my mother was knocking on my door.

I looked at the clock to see only five minutes had passed. I groaned and answered the door.

"Yes?"

She held out a parchment to me and turned to walk away. I shut the door, not thanking her and opened the parchment slowly; it was from Dumbledore requesting that I come to Hogwarts within the next few weeks to discuss a matter with me. I threw the letter on the ground and few back into bed, reminding myself to write back when I woke up.

The setting sun made my eyes squint when I finally woke up. I stretched quickly and then decided to take a shower. I spelt of booze and sweat; after a day of sitting in that, the stench was not pretty. I grabbed a towel and showered slowly, letting my mind wake up fully.

"Write back to Dumbledore." I reminded myself while scrubbing my hair.

But Dumbledore made me think of Severus which, made me think of the possibility of him being a Death Eater. I didn't want to think about it but I know my mother and she wouldn't lie about something like that to me. She hated Severus but I knew she could tell I cared about him deeply.

But if I came to terms with my mother not lying, that would mean I was to assume Severus was a Death Eater.

I quickly stepped out of the shower and ran to my room to get dressed. I really didn't want to think about it anymore until I was able to ask Severus the truth. I knew it would eat at me so there was only one thing I could do.

I pulled out two letters and began to write. One was to Dumbledore setting a date, two weeks away, to meet with him at Hogwarts to discuss this matter. I figured the matter was about me teaching, meaning that is what Severus probably went and did when I woke up without him.

The last letter was to Severus, requesting that we meet somewhere private as soon as he could; The matter I needed to speak to him about was important. I knew he would think I was trying to get into bed with him but I wasn't, well that wasn't the real reason I was meeting with him.

But if Severus was a Death Eater, I had to figure out what I was going to do. Would I accept him for who he was or would I run to my mother, crying, admitting she was right. The hardest part of it all was that I really didn't know the answer to my own question.

I wanted my mother to be wrong, it would make things easier but something in the pit of my stomach told me she wasn't lying.

I sent out my owl, first to Severus and the last on to Dumbledore.

I felt like my life was going to change before I knew it. He had already started to change and I had that feeling that whatever happened with me and Severus, I would follow him through the dark. I am my mother saw that too, that I was on a mission to be with him no matter what. That is probably what scared her in the first place.

I looked up at the ceiling, praying for sleep to come again. For once, it actually did.

 


	5. Edge of Glory

Chapter Four

The only reply I received in a week was from Dumbledore, saying that he was happy I would be joining him and that he hopes that I am doing well; nothing from Severus. I was a little worried at first; did this mean that he was confirming my already suspicions? That didn't mean I didn't want to talk to him, no, I still wanted to hear it from his own mouth.

The more I thought about it though, the more I got use to the idea. Well I got use to the idea that he was still a good man inside, maybe he was lead down the wrong path in his life and couldn't escape? Maybe Dumbledore saw that? Then again maybe I was being played for a fool.

I couldn't see it though.

I could not picture Severus Snape sitting in his home, laughing at the evil deed he had done, tricking me to sleep with him. Well he didn't really trick me into it, I somewhat forced myself onto him but then again maybe it was his plan the whole time?

'…arine!'

"Katharine!"

I looked up and saw my mother standing in the doorway with her arms crossed; her was tied back into a long, elegant braid and she was wearing a pair of black dress pants with a simple white button up top. My mother had dressed up to go somewhere; the question was to where and with who.

"Date?" was the first question that came from my mouth.

She still stared me down for a minute before answering. "No, the Minister invited me for lunch today, said he wanted to catch up on old time." She uncrossed her arms and sighed. "Addison called and said she was going to be over soon, so I would get dressed."

She shut the door behind her when she left and I dove towards my closet; if Addison was going to be here soon, I needed to get dress and looked presentable because chances are, we would be going out for the day. My mother would have played twenty questions had it not been for her meeting with the Minster. Fudge knew my mother since she began school and had always fancied her. She never liked him from what I could tell but she still was courteous enough to meet with him. Sometimes he would give her gifts which, is why I think she goes. Plus she never gets out much anymore. My mother would prefer being alone, reading a book and sipping at wine then out with any friends she still had. Apparently before my dad left she was a social butterfly.

I always felt bad for my mother but at the same time loathed the ground she walked on. She thought I would want to be stuck in the house like her. She forced that life on me.

Quickly, I changed into a pair of jeans and a black blouse, tied my hair back and made it down the stairs as a car pulled up to my home. Addison jumped out of the car and I walked out the front door. She gave me a big hug and smiled wide when she looked me in the eye.

"We haven't talked since you got back! I was getting worried that you died!" She grabbed my hand and pulled me towards her car. "Your mother said you have been busy with other stuff, something from school she said. What could you possibly be doing now with your teaching?"

I buckled up quickly as Addison sped off from the house; Addison loved to drive fast all the time but for me, not so much. I didn't have a license but in my younger years, the few times I was able to go out with Addison, she let me drive. Now I just use magic at school and in the summer a cab. Addison's parents were muggles so they let her drive and let her go out like a real teenager; they were happy and excited to see what she learnt at Hogwarts over the years. I loved her parents; they were always so nice to me.

"Hello? Man you are really zoning out lately aren't you?" We were already in town when I snapped away from my thoughts. I looked over at Addison, her beautiful hair flying back from the wind. I always thought she looked like some goddess, even on her worst days.

"Sorry. I have been trying to figure out lessons for next year. I owled Snape asking him if I could teach some classes this coming year and then I got a letter from Dumbledore asking if we could meet and then I told him next week would be fine," I turned back to look out the window, wondering where we were going. "So it looks like I will be taking over some things this year."

She smiled. "You are one step closer from taking Snape's job!" Addison laughed and I managed to get out a fake giggle; I hated what she said about Severus but I didn't want her to think that I was sticking up for him, not yet at least.

We finally arrived at Addison's home; it was a pretty suburban home, the exact opposite of mine. I always like it better then my house. There were more things to do, more people to talk to and I would be able to get places without calling a cab.

We walked into the room and her mother welcomed me like her own daughter. Addison lived with her parents still, like I lived with my mother. The only difference was Addison had her own little apartment above the garage and I shared the whole house.

"Katharine, always good to see you, would you like a drink?" Helen asked while poking her head from the open kitchen. I smiled and declined the over. Addison and I began to make our way to the apartment which, connected with the upstairs. We sat down on her bed and she pulled some bags from underneath. Addison dumped the contents of the bags out on our laps and, not surprisingly, I saw a large pile of clothes before me.

"So I found some stuff you might like too." She tossed some clothes and me and told me to try them on. They all fit perfectly, something else that didn't surprise me. Addison and I had been friends for as long as I could remember; we knew almost everything about each other.

"So you wanna hear something?" Addison asked as I sat on the bed in my original outfit.

"Sure." I shrugged.

"I met a guy." I looked up at her, at first I was probably looking at her like a fish and then I smiled. When Addison said she 'met a guy' I knew this guy must be something special. Addison never said anything like that about any of her flings.

"Well tell me about him!"

The guy sounded perfect; tan, golden blond hair and sweet blue eyes. From the sounds of it, he treated her like royalty. Addison deserved it all, men liked to use her because they thought she was hot. They assumed she could just be a one night stand and be done with her. Sure Addison liked to have fun but I know she hates to be used. I couldn't help but want to tell her about Severus and I but I knew she wouldn't have the same reaction I did for her new found love.

"He is just so amazing Katharine! I want you to meet him sometime. He is away on business right now but will be back sometime. I am not sure if it will be before summer ends though."

"Well we will plan something. I want to approve of this man even though he sounds great already!" We laughed together and then let out a sigh; all of our lives we have been waiting to get married and have kids and now the pieces of our lives were starting to fall into place.

"Have you met anyone Katharine?" Addison sat up and looked at me.

"No." I lied.

"I don't understand how you can't, Katharine you are extremely intelligent and so beautiful! I think your standards are way too high!" she joked and then turned her attention back to the clothes, holding up a dress she bought to impress her new man.

If Addison knew the truth, she wouldn't be saying that. She would be saying the exact opposite; that my standards were too low. I loved Addison to bits but I couldn't tell her the truth, at least not yet.

* * *

When I returned home my mother still was not back; it was dark and I figured she must have been out drinking with the Minister and his friends. My mother could not say no to him, she didn't want for him to think she didn't enjoy spending time with him.

I was disappointed to see that no letter had arrived yet from Severus; maybe he was busy trying to sort out what I would be teaching with Dumbledore and just hadn't had time to respond. Then again maybe he did not want to respond.

I let the bag of clothes in my hand drop to the floor and began to get changed; Severus would want to respond and I was being silly thinking that he wouldn't. He showed me affection when we were together and he laughed at my jokes. He looked at me when he thought I wouldn't notice and respected me.

As I shut off the lights in my room I heard the front door open and shut. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep but when my mother opened the door and turned on the light, I knew I couldn't escape her. Her hair was now down and she was leaning against the door frame, looking moderately drunk.

"The Minister gave me tickets to go see the Quidditich World Cup," She tried pushing herself off the door frame but landed back on it. "Want to go?"

I tried to find some way to say no but when I looked at her I know I couldn't. "Sure, Addison gave me some new clothes so I will have something nice to wear."

This time she successfully pushed herself off the door with a crooked smile. "Perfect."

I listened as my mother stumbled down the hall to her room and landed on her bed. I didn't hear any other movement so I figured she had kept herself awake just to ask me to join her. Perhaps she knew I couldn't say no when she was like that. Now I was stuck going with her.

Then again, I had a little over a month to figure out a reason I could go.

I walked over and turned out the light on my room again and snuggled into the covers. I tried to sleep but for awhile I couldn't; I laid in the bed thinking about everything that was going on. My mind was on overdrive. Finally after what was probably an hour or two, my mind succumbed to the peacefulness of sleep.

* * *

After that, I couldn't sleep for two days; Severus still hadn't written back. My mother just snorted at my zombie like state and made a comment on how I was such a child, acting the way I was because a boy didn't call me back.

There was a good reason for Severus not replying sooner, I knew there was.

But then, my prayers were answered when I heard the small tapping on my bedroom window. I opened it up and took the letter quickly from Severus's owl and opened it wondering what he said. He told me that he had been busy with work and that we could meet after the meeting with Dumbledore to talk.

I giggled like a school girl and wrote back, telling him not to worry about taking his time writing back, that I had been busy as well. It was a total lie, but I couldn't have him thinking that I was waiting around for his letter.

It only took a few minutes for me to remember why I exactly wanted to talk to him in the first place. I had pushed it out of my mind and with good reason but now I would have to figure out what exactly I was going to say to him. I don't think I could come out and ask him but that was the only thing I could think of doing.

The few days went by quickly and soon I found myself landing in front of Hogwarts castle. I walked as fast as I could, excited to see Severus but almost just as excited to hear if I was teaching classes. At first, it was just a ploy to talk to Severus but the more I thought about it, the more I liked the idea. Addison was right; I was one step closer to becoming a teacher.

I finally reached Dumbledore's office and stopped when I heard Dumbledore and Severus muttering words to each other. I was about to lean my ear against the door when it opened and I was greeted by Severus. I held back throwing myself at him and gave a small polite smile instead. Severus shut the door behind me and we sat down at the chairs in front of Dumbledore's desk.

"Now Miss Keeler..." he stopped and held out a bowl of candy to me which I shook my head no to and he continued. "Severus here tells me you think you are ready to teach some classes of your own."

I waited to see if he continued and when he didn't I let out a small "Yes."

"Well Severus, do you think Miss Keeler is ready to take on some classes of her own?"

I looked over at him, wondering what he would say. He told Dumbledore about me wanting to teach classes so that had to mean something. Even still, I was nervous that he would say something bad like I wasn't ready and maybe add in that I will never be.

"Miss Keeler's skills are exceptional. I believe her taking on a class would be acceptable."

I smiled brightly; Severus did think I was good enough and now Dumbledore couldn't say no.

"Well Miss Keeler," Dumbledore look from Severus to me. "Perhaps you should take on first year students and still assist Severus when you can. Then after a month, we shall have someone sit in on your class to see how you are doing."

"Yes of course." I said not wanting to seem too overjoyed, that would have to wait until after.

"Perhaps Severus, you can help Miss Keeler with arranging a lesson plan. I am sure she will need a bit of help figuring out what to do." I swore I saw a twinkle in his eyes but when I looked again, I saw nothing.

"Of course Head Master." He stood up and looked to me. I followed his suit and thanked Dumbledore.

"Enjoy your summer." Dumbledore added when he waved goodbye to us.

I waited until we reached the front gates of the castle to speak. He didn't say anything the whole way either and I couldn't help but wonder what he was thinking; every time I looked over at him, he would turn to me and I would have to turn away. It seemed the only time I could find my confidence around him was when I was drunk.

"Thank you." I told him as we headed towards Hogsmeade.

"I only spoke the truth; there is nothing to thank me for." He explained simply.

"Yes but you went to Dumbledore in the first place about it. If you didn't go to him then none of this would have happened in the first place." He stopped and looked at me; I know found myself able to look at him straight in the eye. A warm feeling that I was becoming my old self again hit me. Before I fell for him, I use to be able to talk to him like an equal, not like some little girl in love.

"I suppose," he began walking again. "You are correct about that."

"I know I am."

There was more silence for a few more minutes and then I stopped him this time. He looked at me curiously and I put my hands on my hips and tilted my head slightly to look at him. "Is there any place we can go so we can get my lesson plan started? I don't think us sitting in a bar would help much."

He looked deep in thought and then pulled out his wand.

"Hold onto my arm." He instructed.

Before I knew it we had landed in an alley way that was not too far off from the street; as we walked out I noticed that all the houses were brick and identical to each other. I couldn't look anymore as Severus instructed me to follow him. We continued down the street quickly and soon enough we had walked up the step to one of the identical homes. Severus pulled out the key and opened the door, letting me walk in first.

"This is where you live?" I asked when he shut the door behind me.

"Obviously." He snorted while taking the lead.

The room I was standing in was dim; the only thing letting light in was a small window. Every wall of the room was filled with books and a light filled with candles hung from the ceiling. I didn't even notice there was a door in the room until he had opened it and instructed me to follow.

We walked up and narrow staircase that lead to a small upstairs with three doors; one directly in front of us, one to the left and one to the right. He took me into the room directly in front of us and that's when I realized it was his bedroom. It was small, simple and dim lighted like the other rooms.

"Uh..." I didn't know what to say. I didn't understand why he brought me up here exactly; did he think we were going to have sex. "Severus why did you bring me up here?"

He didn't say anything but turned to me and looked like he was waiting for something.

"I don't know what you want me to do."

He stared at me for a second more and then turned away; it was like he wanted to say something but couldn't get it out. I took a step forward towards him so I was almost inches away from him; he refused to look at me. It looked like he was embarrassed about something. Then it was like something clicked in my brain.

"Severus do you want to sleep with me?" I didn't mean to sound so blunt about it but it was the only way that it could have came out.

"Miss Keeler..."

"Katharine." I corrected him. He still wasn't looking at me; his head was now turned to the wall to his left. I didn't think about it before but Severus probably didn't have much experience with women; I found him extremely handsome but other people probably wouldn't. But then again I probably found him extremely handsome because I loved him.

"Katharine, I do not think you would want to do that."

I was caught a little off guard but shot back. "Severus, I have slept with you twice before! What makes you think that I don't want too?"

He didn't speak again.

Right, both of the times I slept with him, I was drunk out of my mind. The first time, I didn't even remember anything happening but the second time, I remembered most of it and I loved every second that I could remember.

I had to think quickly, to show him that I wanted it all and more from him. My confidence kicked in and I reached up, pulled myself closer and gently placed my lips on his. He was frozen in the spot for a second and then I felt him kiss me back. We stood there kissing for a few minutes and then I pulled away.

"Severus I wanted to be with you both of those times and I would do it again with you." I shook my head and continued. "I know you might not believe that now but it's the truth. I want to prove that to you."

I didn't have to say more; he pulled me into another breathtaking kiss and tossed me on the bed with him on top of me. I didn't plan on anything happening today but as it would seem, every time we got alone together, something happened.

It was more amazing then when I was drunk; it was everything that I wanted to feel from him.

I wasn't sure how many times but when we stopped, he sat over me and brushed my hair away from my face, a gesture I felt was always loving and warm. I looked up at him with a small smile, holding back a 'told you so'. He laid back down and pulled me close against.

I couldn't help closing my eyes and drifted off; it was just too peaceful to pass up.

 


	6. Feels Like Home

Chapter Five

My eyes slowly began to open and I cuddled into the blanket more, wanting to fall back into the peaceful sleep but soon enough, my eyes were open and I was, for the most part, awake. It was then that it dawned on me where I was and what had happened. A fluttery feeling went through my stomach and that's when I noticed Severus was not there.

I quickly got dressed into the same clothes I had on before and headed back down the stairs that I had came up.

He was sitting in a chair, peacefully reading a book and looked up as I entered the room.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"It's about eight o clock." He looked back down at his book.

I looked towards the small window and saw that the sun appeared to be just coming up. I walked towards Severus as he flipped the page of his book. "I slept that long?"

"It appears so." He didn't bother looking up at me to answer.

I sighed as he ignored me and went to the front door to get some fresh air; I wasn't used to being cooped up in such a small place after all. When I reached the step, I noticed a paper sitting in the mail box and grabbed it to bring in. When I caught site of the first headline it read something about a Death Eater attack many years ago and how the people who lost their lives fighting would be remembered.

"Death Eaters..." My voice trailed off as the memory of what I originally wanted to ask Severus came back to me.

I quickly shut the door behind me and went into the house where I laid the paper down on a little side table and turned my attention back to Severus. He was so absorbed in his book, he didn't even notice I was standing there until I snapped my fingers at him.

"Yes?" he didn't even bother to close the book.

"Let me see your wrist." He raised an eyebrow at me but never the less held out his right arm.

I narrowed my eyes and grabbed out for his left wrist when he pulled back and set his book down. Now I had his attention as he walked towards me with a slight glare on his face. I wasn't sure if he was angry with me or angry with the fact I was trying to prove.

"So it's true then? My mother wasn't lying?"

He glare intensified and he let out a snort. "Your mother obviously doesn't know when to keep her mouth shut."

I could have taken offensive to what he said, my mother being the one he insulted but, he was right and I was thankful that she didn't keep her mouth shut. When I told him this, he grabbed my arm and pulled me closer to him.

"Did your mother also tell you that I am a double agent? Risking my life everyday so you can all get the information you need?" He let go of my arm finally and rolled up his sleeve, exposing the faint outline of what I assumed was the Dark Mark. "This is what you are looking for? So now I suppose you're going to take your leave now Miss Keeler?"

"First off," I yanked down the sleeve of his shirt. "It's Katharine and secondly I don't care." His expression turned to a confused one and with a sigh, I continued. "If you are doing this for us then I shouldn't judge you based on what you have done. You are trying to be a hero in a time that we need as many heroes as we can get."

I leaned my head up and kissed him lightly on the lips. "So it doesn't matter."

One may wonder why I was being so accepting on him; like Severus told me, he had the most dangerous job of all and for what? To give us information we needed if and when You Know Who returns. Then here my mother was, spitting in his face about it.

"I am sorry I brought it up. Now are you hungry?" I put a smile on my face but he seemed a little confused about what had just happened. When he finally got out a 'yes', I told him to direct me towards the kitchen. His cupboards were practically empty and so was his fridge. I managed to find some eggs that still looked good and bacon that was only a day or two past the expiry date.

"You need to go grocery shopping." I told him while sitting down and eating breakfast with him; he ate slowly, surely taking in that he was actually eating breakfast for once. As long as I knew Severus Snape, I knew he usually wasn't in the mood for breakfast.

"I just went a few weeks ago."

"Well you need to go again. Are you doing anything today?"

He grumbled. "I am not going to shop for groceries to occupy myself for the day."

"Exactly, that is why I am coming with you." I rinsed my plate off and left it in the sink that had a few dishes in it. "Now I just need to go back to my house to shower and get changed. I shouldn't be longer than a half an hour."

I didn't wait for a response this time; I left quickly and apparated to my home where I found my mother looking out the window. She looked like she hadn't slept all night but when she saw me, her eyes brightened. "Katharine!"

I ran inside the house before she could come out.

"Where have you been?" the joy and brightness in her tone and eyes were gone and now she looked angry and generally upset which, I could understand, if I was thirteen years old. But I was a grown woman and had the right to be out all night if I wanted to.

"Mom I was just with a friend. I need to shower; I am going to be going out again today." I tried getting up the stairs before her words stopped me.

"A friend or Severus Snape?"

I turned to her briefly and narrowed my eyes. "Mother, Severus IS a friend of mine. So it would be both."

I didn't want to waste any more time and went up to shower quickly and to pick out an outfit for the day; it was a little warm so I grabbed a pair of jean shorts with a white button up blouse. I let my hair hang loose but kept a hair tie on my wrist just in case.

When I ran down the stairs my mother stopped me again. "Did you ask him?"

"About what?" I questioned, a little confused.

"His mark Katharine!" she crossed her arms and her face told me she didn't think I did. The smirk was gone when I explained to her that I had asked and knew that he was a double agent.

"So he says." She snorted.

"Mother let's have this discussion later and to answer your question before you ask, yes I might not come home again tonight." I didn't want to spend any more time around her and left the house and apparated again to Severus's house. I thought he would have headed for the hills but, to my surprise, he was waiting patiently for me.

"Ready to go?" I smiled wide at him.

He stood up and walked to his front door, holding it open for me. "Let's go then shall we?"

Severus didn't look to happy to go but still he lead me to the small supermarket a few blocks away. I grabbed a cart and walked into the store with him right on my trail. I figure Severus didn't come here much but people said their hellos to him and then looked at me.

"Severus you finally got yourself a girlfriend! What a beautiful girl at that!" An older man said with a wide grin. He turned to me when Severus didn't say anything and gave me a nod. "The name is Hank and what would yours be?"

"I am Katharine." I held out my hand for him to shake. When he did he gave Severus a nudge.

"You keep this one happy. Don't go breaking his heart!" Hank laughed.

I told him there was no way that was happening and we left to finally start our shopping. Severus didn't look too pleased about what Hank said so I tried getting him to focus on what he needed at the house. We went to produce first and he stopped me.

"I won't eat any of this."

"Yes you will. As long as I am the one cooking you will be getting full meals and these," I held up a potato. "We will need."

There was no more argument from him; I didn't intentionally mean to invade his home like I was beginning to do but he didn't make a fuss about it so I didn't see any issues. It took us a little bit to get around the whole store and when the cart was filled up, I made my way to the checkout.

"Okay so I am going to be paying half." I pulled out some money from my pocket.

"No you're not." He began to pull out his money and he held it out to me. When I only took half he grumbled at me. "Katharine this is my stuff and I will not having you buy it for me!"

"Look, I picked out most of the stuff anyways! Plus if I am going to be at your house all the time, I am going to need to eat!" It took me a moment to figure out why he was giving me a funny look. As I thought back to what I had just said I realized that I had told him I was going to be with him a lot or at least that is what I had planned to do. My cheeks turned a rose color and before I could say anything, the cashier, who had packed everything in bags already, held out his hand for the money. I was waiting for Severus to push out his hand of money in front of me but when he didn't I gave the cashier Severus's half and paid the remainder.

As we walked out of the store and began to head back to Severus's house I noticed that he had shoved the rest of his money back into his pocket and never touched it after that.

* * *

I didn't realize how quickly things had moved until I found myself reaching for toiletries to bring to Severus's home. It had been only a week since Severus and I were first together and so far I had only spent one night at my own home. He hadn't told me to leave or to not cook dinner every night; he hadn't even asked when I was going to be going home.

I quickly threw shampoo and conditioner into the buggy and then grabbed some body wash as well as a few other things.

It wasn't like I was permanently moving in but it was easier to take a shower at his place instead of popping back to my place and then going back to his after I was finished. Still, I wanted to make sure it was okay that I put the stuff in the bathroom rather than just putting it there.

I asked and all he did was nod, occupied with a book like usual.

Setting the stuff in the small shower was odd; everything about the situation was odd, almost unreal. I never expected Severus to be interested in me. I just figured he always wanted to have someone more confident and well a little uptight, like him. I sat on the closed toilet and sighed; he really did try though, to impress I mean. Looking in the garbage in the bathroom, you could see at least three bottles of conditioner. I knew he heard what everyone said about him and I knew somewhere inside he wanted to change.

But the fact was, I was happy with who he was.

I sighed again and went to get some paper he had laying around. I grabbed a quill and sat at the kitchen table and called him in.

"I need to figure out a lesson plan for the first years. Do you mind helping?"

He sat down across from me. When he didn't say anything I started to write out the first day which would simply be introductions and explaining what we would be doing all year. Severus snorted when he read this and I looked over at him questioningly.

"Are you not going to ask them to do anything on the first day?"

"Severus they are first years." I said. "They don't know anything."

Severus let out a snort again. "I knew things."

I had turned back to my lesson plan when he had said that; I thumped my fist against the table and gave him a look. "I highly doubt that."

"Oh?" he raised his eyebrow.

"You live in a muggle neighbourhood and you're a half blood; chances are that whoever was the muggle of your parents didn't want you to have anything to do with magic or else you would have been living somewhere else throughout your childhood." When he didn't respond I turn back to my lesson plan once again, trying to figure things out when his voice stopped me.

"I had forgotten for a second you were a Ravenclaw." I didn't glance up this time; I just smiled to myself and continued to write.

"Yes and there is a reason for that. Now tell me how this sounds..."

It didn't strike me until we were heading to bed that night that Severus had remembered something about me, something seeming so small to someone else felt so big to me. Severus was shy in his own way and when the rare occasion came where I receive some form of compliment, my heart fluttered.

I rolled over and looked at him before he shut the lights off and kissed him gently on the lips. When I pulled away with a small smile, I saw a faint grin forming on his lips and he pulled me into a breath taking kiss.

"Severus..." he was now looking up at me from my stomach. "Do you think your falling in love with me?"

He looked confused and then kissed my stomach. "Katharine let's talk about this later." And then he resumed what he had set out to do.

I told myself that it would happen, that we would talk about it, and that he would tell me that he was falling for me hard. But when I woke up the next morning he left to do some errands and then I had forgotten about the question all together. I only remembered it after Severus had fallen asleep that night and the lights were off.

That's when I had come to the conclusion that we would probably never have that talk and somehow I was okay with that.

For some reason I didn't care, I was convinced Severus was in love with me. He had to be.

He just had to be.

 


	7. Heaven Help Us

I had never been a big fan of qudditch, not in the least bit. I found no joy is playing or watching the sport; Addison played and encouraged me to try to as well but my nose was usually stuck in a potions book, absorbed in the knowledge I was gaining. Even when Addison was about to fail her class because she had been too focused on qudditch she still suggested I pick up a broomstick and try it out. I was never really a fan of flying either to tell you the truth. Heights were never a big thing for me. I suppose I got that from my mother.

I glanced over at my mother who had been in an in-depth talk with the minister; she hadn't pulled herself away from him since we got there. She was dressed in a stunning, long-sleeved black dress that showed her remarkable curves and her hair was piled on top of her head in some updo I couldn't ever imagine pulling off. Her makeup was light but brightened her features to make any man drop to his knees. It made me a little jealous that my mother, older than me, could still look better in ever way. Before I left the house I had taken one finally look at myself; I had originally just wanted to wear jeans and a nice top but my mother had stuck me in a green halter dress that she made my eyes stand out and insisted I put on some make up and let my hair hang down. She didn't want the Minister thinking her daughter was a slob.

I had been sitting quietly and staring out at the field until someone coming up the stairs had made my head turn. Draco Malfoy and what appeared to be his mother and father were standing in the box we had also been asked to sit in.

"Ah the Malfoys! Always a pleasure! Sit, sit." the Minister urged them.

"Evangeline Keeler, always a please." the woman said.

"Likely wise, Narcissa." My mother's voice was like ice. "Nice to see you again Lucius, I take it this is your boy?"

The man nodded. "This is Draco," his eyes flicked to me and before he could say anything Draco stepped in.

"Mom this is Miss. Keeler, she helps out Snape in potions." The smile on Draco's face was smug like usual. "She's the one I told you about dad."

Lucius's eyes burned a hole in my skin; this man didn't even hide the fact he was checking my out with his wife, son and my mother sitting right there. My mother cleared her throat and placed her hand onto mine as to tell Lucius to back off. "This is my daughter Katharine, she has quiet the talent in potions. I was so thrilled to hear that she had been accepted as a potions apprentice under Snape."

I shot around and gave her a look and she just smiled in a way to tell me to keep my mouth shut.

"Katherine why don't you go get us another drink and take a look around, I can tell you are rather bored." my mother looked back up at Narcissa. "She was never the type for qudditch. My daughter was the ideal Ravenclaw, always had her nose in a book." I nodded and smiled towards my mother and Minister before I quickly made it out of there. When I was clear from the box I took a sigh of relief and feel against the wall. I was thankful at this point that my mother was being over protective this one time. I didn't think I could bear to sit for another few hours was a man ogling me next to his wife.

"Didn't get lost now did you?" I jumped at the voice which I recognized as Lucius's.

"No I was relaxing for a minute." I pushed myself of the wall and headed in a random direction.

"If you want to get your mother a drink may I suggest you turn around?" I stopped and glared at him. "Perhaps I should  _escort_  you to stop further confusion."

I tired to think of some kind of reason to eject him but then I realized that the quicker I got the drink, the quicker I could get back with my mother. I followed beside him silently, trying to ignore that fact that his eyes were drinking up my body and that his hand kept brushing faintly across mine.

"So," he finally broke the silence as we neared the refreshment stand. "How does a beautiful woman like you end up dealing with potions under someone like my dear friend Severus?"

"Very easily," I quickly said back. "I focused on my studies rather than goofing off and as for Sev...Professor Snape, he is a wonderful teacher and a brilliant one at that. It would be a honor for every person to learn under him despite what people may say."

"You defend him so honourable. So perhaps what Draco said is true." Lucius order a drink and handed it to me.

"Which is what may I ask?"

"That you have found something more interesting to do with Severus rather than going over class notes." I stopped in my tracks; apparently Lucius had that effect on me.

"There is nothing happening between me and him." I tried my best to lie. Severus had warned me before coming to the tournament to watch what I say to people; he had enemies who would do anything to find out that he had something in his life that could be used against him.

All the sudden I was being shoved into another area I didn't even know it was there. I couldn't see around me and I could barely move because Lucius and pushed and backed me into a corner. "Oh is that so? So then tell me something why is it your cheeks go pink when you speak of him and am I suppose to ignore the fact that you almost spoke his name? Perhaps its just a crush but I wouldn't be surprised if you had somehow talked him into more. There is something about you, something that men," He placed his hand beside my head so there was no way of escaping. "will find appealing. Your mother is a stubborn, cold hearted bitch but you are different then that. You need you mother to protect from something as simple as me looking at you. You're weak."

Clearly this was more then about me. My mother had done something to make Lucius angry and I wasn't going to ask. But he had made me angry as well; He sat there and said I needed protecting, that I was weak and at the same time said I attractive. I was much more then that or at least I thought I was. I struggled to get away.

"I don't believe I was done with you yet Miss Keeler." His other hand was on my waist, his fingers digging into my bone.

"Well I believe I am done with you. Now let me go." I struggled again feeling the cool liquid from the drink spilling down my wrist. When I looked down Lucius had smashed my hand against the wall causing the glass to break; my hand began to sting as the alcohol seeped into the fresh cut. "Let me go." I heard myself growl.

He let my hand go but still held me in place with his other on my waist. He brought his face closer to mine and I stared directly at him, the look of my face amused him because he smirked. "Tell me again. You want me to let you go Katharine?" he brought his lips to my ear. "I could have you right here, I don't think you would stop me now would you?"

"Let me..." I couldn't say anymore as he crushed his lips onto mine. I tried pushing him away but he was stronger than I was.

I am not going to lie, I had never been kissed with such hunger before and he was an excellent kisser but I had Severus, I loved Severus with all my heart. In my desperation and loneliness before I may have caved into Lucius when his tongue gracefully snaked into my mouth and would have melted into him like butter when I felt what he pushed against my thigh but instead I bit down hard on his tongue causing him to jump back and for me to run.

I may have been weak before but since Severus had been in my life I found myself getting stronger. He made me stronger.

I had found my way back to my mother and when she saw me, she stood up instantly and began to walk over.

"I am going now mother, thank you for a wonderful time Minister," I nodded towards him and look at Narcissa and Draco and nodded to them. Narcissa's look was deadly, like she could smell Lucuis on me. "Narcissa, see you in school Draco."

I left before anyone could say anything and I ran in the opposite way I had followed Lucuis. I didn't want my mother asking questions and I just wanted to go home and find Severus. By the time I made it from the stands the game had just ended and everyone has started to make their way from the stands to the campsite I had just entered. I wandered for a while, unsure where to go and what to. All the sudden I had heard my name being called and saw two people waving at me. I walked over slowly and realized it was Fred and George Weasley; the two had always liked me for some odd reason, perhaps because of the fact I pretended to be blind to their tricks they were planning.

"Well hello Miss Keeler. What are you doing here this fine evening?" Fred asked.

"I didn't take you for the qudditch type." George smiled brightly at me.

"I am not really," I told them. "I was here with my mother but I decided to leave early and I am...I am afraid to say but lost and have no idea how to get out of here."

The both smiled at the same time. "No problem we can help." the spoke the same words in unison and began to drag my over to what I assumed was their tent.

"Dad!" the called. "We brought a guest."

"Well hello there," A man I assumed with the boy's father walked up to me. "I don't mean to be forward but aren't you a little old for my boys?"

"Dad! That's our teacher!" I heard Ron's voice pipe up. "That's Miss Keeler, she helps out with potions."

"Miss Keeler what are you doing here?" Hermione came forward as well. I wasn't surprised to see Harry Potter with them as well. Those three went together like peas in a pod.

"Miss Keeler needs help getting home, she isn't sure where to go." George explained. "So we figured Dad would be best to help her."

"I hope I am not too much of a bother." I held my hand out to Mr. Weasley. "It's nice to finally meet you."

He shook my hand. "Please call me Arthur." When we let go he looked down at his hand and then looked over to me. "Are you bleeding Miss Keeler?"

I had forgotten about the cut; I had tried to forget the whole thing with Lucius had even happened in the first place but like all good things, it came to and end and I couldn't help but begin to feel angry at myself for letting the whole thing happen. I looked down at my hand to see that the cut was still bleeding a bit but now a crust of dried blood covered most of the wound. The gash wasn't very deep but now remembering it was there caused it to begin to sting a little bit again.

"I am sorry I totally forgot that had happened." I went to grab my wand only to realize that I had left it at home. "I'm sorry do you have anything just to clean it and wrap it? I don't have my wand..."

"Not a problem." Arthur smiled and sat me down. While he helped me wrap my hand, the boys began to dance around and sing, like children normally did. I didn't pay attention much. It was however when I noticed Ginny Weasley. I smile and her and she smiled back; she was a good kid.

When there was a loud bang from outside, Arthur excused himself to check it out.

"Sounds like the Irish have got their pride on!" one of the twins yelled.

"Stop!" Arthur ran in and pulled the kids apart. "It's not the Irish." he looked over at me and I felt a chill run down my spine. Something was seriously wrong.

"We have to get out of here now." he grabbed Ginny and we all ran out of the tent. I heard someone scream the words 'Death Eaters' and I had a good idea why everyone was running and screaming.

"Get back to the Port Key and stay together!" Arthur shoved Ginny towards the twins. "Fred, George, Ginny is your responsibility now GO!"

He looked at me and I nodded. "I will stay with these three and keep them safe."

He nodded back and took off while Hermione and Ron had began to go the same was as the twins and Ginny. Harry and I were standing there as the Death Eaters began to come closer and closer. Harry was stuck in the trance still when I had snapped out of it and pulled him towards the other two. People were every where, screaming, pushing and trying to get away as fast as they could. It only took a second for Harry to become separated from us.

"Go!" I pushed Hermione and Ron forward and somehow pushed my way through in the direction Harry went. When I had found him, he was on the ground, passed out. As I reached out for him I felt a heel come in contact with the back of my head and that was the last thing I remember before everything went black.

* * *

When I woke up everything was silent and the only light was the moon shining down. I looked beside me and saw Harry still passed out. I heard the crunching of boots stepping down on rubble coming towards us and tried to stay as still as possible. I heard him scream words and then there was a bright green light in the sky. That's when Harry began to wake up and I put my hand over his mouth to keep him quiet. He struggled at first but when he saw me I let go. We both sat up a bit and saw a man not too far from us beginning to walk in our direction. We both jumped up and I pulled him behind a piece of something that was still standing. I stood pushed him as far to side, behind me as I could, trying to stand between him and whoever was coming.

"Harry! Miss Keeler!" I heard the man stop. The calls for us came again and were getting closer and closer. The man took off before we knew it.

"Harry!" Hermione ran over and gave Harry a hug.

"We've been looking for you two for ages." Ron told us.

"It's fine, we are good. Let's just get out of here." I said.

Harry pointed up the in the sky when we heard a loud screech. "What is that?"

There was a skull like face in the sky with a snake wrapping itself through its mouth and around it's head; Harry grabbed his scar in pain and it was then I knew that this probably had something to do with He Who Shall Not Be Named. We all intensely watched the skull in the sky we almost missed the popping sound of people appearing before us and I was relieved we were no longer alone until I heard the words "Stupefy!"

I tried my best to cover the kids and it worked for a couple of seconds but I wasn't sure how much longer I could go on.

"STOP! That's my daughter!" I had never been so grateful to hear my mother's voice.

I looked up and saw my mother yelling at the man who was leading the pack. Arthur had come up too and grabbed the three kids and began to talk with them.

"Barty they are just kids and then Katharine would NEVER do something like this! Think about that for a minute." My mother turned to me and pulled me forward. "Now I am taking my daughter home."

They didn't get another word in; when I blinked we were back on our front porch. My mother opened up the front door and put her forehead against the wall. She looked angry, exhausted and upset all at the same time. I could understand why, even though she would never admit to it. I was her only child and there was a strong possibility I could have been hurt or killed. "Katherine you must never run off like that again. Do you understand?"

I shut the door and nodded. I didn't have the energy to argue with her.

"I am going to bed. I will see you later." My mother slowly walked up the stairs before I could tell her I was leaving. I assuming she already guessed that and just didn't feel like trying to talk me out of it. She knew I was safe now and could rest a little easier. When I heard her bedroom door shut I went and grabbed my wand and sent myself right around the corner from Severus's house. A light was still on in the house and I unlocked the door with a key he had given me and found him sitting on the couch reading. I sat beside him and let out a sigh.

"You can't believe the night I just had." I felt my eyes flutter. I was exhausted. He saw it too and pulled my head into his lap.

"Sleep, tell me after." I looked up at him from his lap, then turned and closed my eyes.

Yes, sleep would do me good.

* * *

Severus listened intently to my story; I told him mostly everything, leaving out the part where Lucius kissed me but I did tell him that Lucius thought there was something going on between us from what Draco had told him. I watched his face darken and he got up and told me he had to go out.

"Do you need me to come with you?"

"No Katherine, it's probably best that you go home. I will owl you soon ok?" He was gone before I could tell him no and then I let myself out and headed back to my mothers. When I got there she was sitting on the porch, surprised to see me. When I sat down, she watched me for a few minutes before speaking. "Back so soon? I didn't expect to see you for another week like usual."

I kept my eyes forward. "I didn't expect to be back either."

"You've been dumped then?" she said it so uncaring.

"Actually no, he had to go out. But thanks."

I could sense my mother rolling her eyes as she sat back. "Addison called a few times once she read in the paper what happened. You better go call her back so she stops calling here and having to talk to me."

I got up not wanting to talk to my mother anymore and headed inside to pick up the phone. As soon as Addison heard my voice she began to cry, saying how she thought I was dead and how she wouldn't know what to do without me. I felt bad, I hadn't been the greatest friend over the summer because I had been so wrapped up with Severus. She didn't bring it up though which made me think she was probably wrapped up in her love life as well. I wished I could have been able to tell Addison about Severus but I knew she wouldn't approve and it would be more hassel then help.

"So can I take you to the train? Then you can meet my man!" I blinked a few times forgetting school was going to start in less than two weeks.

"Yeah of course."

"Please tell me you're mother won't be there." she grumbled. "Its bad enough I had to chit chat with her while I was trying to find you."

I chuckled. "I have no idea. But I am sure you two can play nice."

Addison talked for a couple minutes long before she had to go. By that point my mother came inside and poured herself a drink. "How's your hand?"

I looked down at it still bandaged up. "It's fine."

"Care to explain how that happened?" she narrowed her eyes and images of Lucuis's tongue in my mouth splattered across my mind.

"Not really."

"I didn't think so," my mother sighed.

"Is there anything else you need?" I asked with my arms crossed.

"Many things but I don't expect you to listen."

I turned and headed towards the stairs that would lead me toward my bedroom. "You're right mom, I won't."

When I made it up the stairs I sat on my bed and looked up, trying to make sense of everything that had happened but no matter how many times I tried I just couldn't wrap my mind around it all. My room felt foreign to me and I longed to be with Severus again. It had been a week since we made love and all I wanted to do was to be his. I needed to pass the time waiting for him to owl me so I began to work on my lesson plans, trying to get prepared for the school year.

I figured by the next day at the latest I would have heard from him and surely before the year started up again but I was wrong.

So very wrong.

 


	8. I Don't Love You

It was like a kick to my gut, a slash to my throat, a stake in my heart. The first few days when Severus didn't I owl, I assumed he was caught up in work and just lost track of time. Then another day passed and I went to his house. He wasn't there but someone had been not too long before and that's when it truly hit me.

He was avoiding me.

I didn't know the reason he was avoiding me but I had ideas and those ideas didn't warrant enough reason to all out avoid me and not give me any explanation for what was going on. I was angry, I was hurt and more than anything confused. I didn't understand what I had done wrong to him, why I deserved to be treated this way. I made sure to grab all of my things and leave the key on the kitchen table before I left his place. If he wanted me to leave him alone, then that's what I would do.

In my life time I did not have much experience with men but I knew that when your with someone you don't just ignore them because your tired of them or whatever. That just wasn't fair to someone who was devoted to you. Was he upset with me or was he truly just a coward and couldn't face me?

When my mother saw my bag in my hand she shook her head and held back a smirk. At least she didn't say an 'I told you so' remark.

I felt my heart breaking a little more each day and I knew that when the day I had to leave for Hogwarts came, I was completely depressed. But I put on my best happy face for Addison and met up with her at the train station with my bags in tow. My mother said a brief goodbye before I left and asked me not to make a fool of myself crying all around Hogwarts like a love-sick child. Instead of ignoring the comment, like I usually try to do, I told her to shove it and left without another word.

When I found Addison she was standing with a tall blond man. He smiled at me in a way that made me feel uneasy but Addison looked happy so I shook it off.

"Katharine this is Van! Isn't he just the cutest." He help out his hand and I took it.

"Nice to finally meet you Katharine. I have heard quiet a bit about you."

"Likewise."

"Addison tells me you're going to start taking over some teaching at Hogwarts. I hope you enjoy it. Addy told me you're just wonderful at potions." He called her Addy; she hated when people did that and yet she was still standing beside him smiling. She must be really be head over heels for this guy. Now I knew that was the reason she didn't freak out more about not seeing her more. I started to feel a little upset but then I realized I had been doing the exact same thing to her.

"Well," Addison interrupted my thoughts. "I know I have been busy all summer and that we didn't get to spend much time together but don't forget about me k? I love you like the sister I never had and stay out of trouble! Those things almost killed you Katharine! I can't have you dying on me!" she pulled me into a bone crushing hug. "Now get to the train!"

I hugged her back and quickly headed to the train but not before saying goodbye to Van who still gave me and uneasy feeling. "Nice meeting you."

"Same to you. I am sure I will be seeing you again Katherine." he rolled my name off his tongue and I took off before he could say any more.

I headed to the train as quickly as I could and got a few hellos from some students. I took notice to some of the first year students, the ones who would now be my students instead of Severus's. I am sure their older brothers and sisters had already warned them about Snapes strong dislike for first years and how tough he was going to be on them. I could just imagine the joy on their faces when they found their first year to be a little easier then expected. I sat in a compartment by myself and began to read over my lesson plans making sure I got them right. I had my school year laid out and over a quarter of the lessons finish which took a little bit of the weight off my shoulders but I knew I probably should have had half completed by this point.

"Anything off the trolley dear?" I smiled at the lady and peaked out at the trolley. "Here I will take this." I paid the lady and caught sight of students beginning to get changed into their school robes. I grabbed my clothes to change into and headed toward the change area. I usually had two different sets of clothing, my home clothing and teaching clothing. I knew that a few of the teachers would approve of my walking around in jeans and a t-shirt so I just avoid the fight all together and buy nicer clothing for school.

I took a glance in the mirror before I left the change room; I had chosen a black knee length skirt with a long sleeved white dress shirt. I grabbed a thin black vest with a short black tie and then made the outfit complete with black heels. Usually I didn't dress as fancy as this but as much as I hated to admit it, the outfit choice had as little to do with my preference and more to do with something to grab Severus's eye. I would let him see what he was giving up and then maybe he would come to his senses.

As I walked back I caught sight of Harry, Ron and Hermione in their compartment and I opened the door and smile brightly at them.

"Harry, Ron, Hermione. I trust that you all had a good rest of the summer?" They all nodded.

"We did Miss. Keeler. Thank you." Hermione was always the polite one.

"Hey is it true you're taking Snape's job?" Ron butted in. "Everyone has been saying that!"

"Ronald!" I almost laughed as Hermione looked like she was about to smack Ron.

"No Mr. Weasley, I am however taking on the first year students from Professor Snape so that is probably why you have been hearing that."

Ron grumbled and slouched in his seat. "Why can't you take us too? I am sure you would be better than the right git Snape."

"Mr. Weasley I am still a teacher and next time I hear that I will have to get you in trouble."

I smiled at Harry who didn't smile much back at me; I wasn't sure what was wrong wit him but I choose not to read into it much. He had been through a lot this summer and that was just what I knew of. I said goodbye to the three and headed back to my compartment, trying to get something things organized before we arrived. It didn't take took long to get to Hogwarts and when I got out of the train, Hagrid greeted me and said he would get my things to my room.

"Thank you Hagird. Should be an exciting year I heard."

"Something like that. See you at dinner Professor."

I made it to my room but not before Professor Flitwick told me there was to be a meeting among the Professors before dinner. So I got myself set us as much as I could and headed to the teachers common room where all of the professors were; including Severus. When his eyes met mine for a brief moment I knew that he wished he was anywhere but there and for the look I gave him I figured he got the idea that I was upset. I stood over towards the corner by myself and waiting until Dumbledore walked in.

"Hello everyone and welcome back. I will make sure to make this brief as possible." He looked around at everyone. "There will be a few changes happening this year but the most important is the Tri Wizard tournament. We will be welcoming students from Drumstrang and Beauxbatons at the opening dinner ceremony after sorting. This means there will be a few things being added to the school term which include the Yule Ball." I didn't pay attention to much else that was said. My mind wandered back to Severus; did he see what I was wearing? Did he ever give much thought to me at all? I felt my heart sinking when I realized he hadn't taken more then a glance at me since I walked in.

"You alright Katharine?" McGonagall put her hand on my shoulder. "You didn't even realize it was time to head to dinner."

"I'm sorry, its been a long summer." I didn't know how else to explain it.

"Yes I heard about what happened at the Quidditch Tournament. I hope it doesn't trouble you too much this year."

"Oh no I should be quiet alright."

But the truth was I wasn't sure if I was going to be alright; with what happened with the Death Eaters sure but with Severus I couldn't be sure of course. We couldn't go on all year not talking to each other and making awkward eye contact. No, we couldn't do that at all. I would have to talk to him before classes started and then at least if I knew what was going on I could figure out my footing in the whole situation.

My mind kept racing and I was in a trance even as I took my seat next to Severus. I looked over at him just as he was looking over at me. We looked at each other for a minute and finally I pulled myself back to reality and leaned over. "We need to talk whether you like it or not."

"That would be..." he paused. "Acceptable."

I glared at him but didn't get to continue because Dumbledore had stepped up and announced that sorting would begin. I watched one by one as students, some excited and some terrified of what their first year learning magic would bring. I remembered when I first came to Hogwarts, how nervous I was about making new friends or being sorted into the wrong house by my mother standards. I am not sure if any of them had to live up to standards like my mother put up but the rest I understood.

"Now that the sorting is done I have a few announcements to make. First off I would like to announce that this year there is a change in one of our classes. Our first year potion students will no longer be taught by Professor Snape. Taking over will be Professor Keeler, Professor's Snape apprentice. I am sure you will all join me in a round of applause, congratulating the Professor is this achievement." I took my cue to stand up and was welcomed by a bunch of cheers as well a few relieved faces.

After I sat down Dumbledore had went through a few other basic things that the first year students always had to be told at the beginning of the year. As he was talking, Flich open the door and quickly hurried down the isle and whispered something in Dumbledore's ear. Acting like nothing happened, Dumbledore continued with his speech explaining that this year Hogwarts would be hosting the Tri Wizard Tournament; students gasped with excitement.

"...and now please join me in welcoming the lovely ladies of the Beauxbaton Academy and their Head Mistress Madame Maxine." We all watched as young girls dressed in grey/blue robes prance in, leaving in their trail, the same coloured butterflies. I got my first look at Madame Maxine; she was a tall woman, clearly a giant, who somehow still walked with grace and held her head high. Her students probably took pointers from her as they all seemed very graceful and delicate. Loud applause and cheering came from the crowd, especially from the younger boys who clearly weren't thinking about these girls grace.

"Now our friends from the north, please greet the sons of Drumstrang and their Head Master, Igor Karkaroff." Tall, broad boys came in banging sticks on the ground, causing sparks to fly up. While the girls wanted to be soft and subtle, the boys wanted to make their presence known. During the performance someone came over and made two more seats between Dumbledore and Severus; I assumed if was for Madame Maxine and Igor Karkaroff

The two sat down, Igor next to Severus and the pair began to chat. Igor shot a glance at me and I tried my best to smile but like before with Van, I got an errie feeling from him. Severus somehow got his attention back and I didn't dare to look over at the man again.

After a little bit a large, golden stand was brought in and Dumbledore got up from his seat and stood beside it. He called for the student attention and explained how the student who won this tournament would have eternal glory but that it was a very dangerous tournament

"For that reason, the Ministry sees it fit to impose a new rule. Here to explain that is the head of the Department of International Magical Cooperation. Mr. Bartemius Crouch"

Bartemius Crouch, who I remembered seeing before when I was at the Quidditch Cup when my mother came to my rescue, was about to step up and get a word in but then a thunder came from the ceiling and a bolt of lightning looked like it was about the strike down. I didn't even realize anyone had whipped out their wand until a magically energy came from behind and destroyed whatever it was up above. I looked over and saw a very tall, broad man who had a wooden cane and a fake eye. His hair was a mess; actually all of him looked like a mess. He walked up to Dumbledore who greeted and thanked him for coming. He took a swig out of his flask after turning his back to everyone.

Bartmus Crouch took this opportunity to step foward. "I am hear to announce that the Ministry has decided that no wizard under the age of seventeen may not enter to compete in the Tri Wizard tournament..." a loud uproar came from the students, protesting the new rule. I am sure there was many sixth years who were itching to get their name in the Goblet when they first heard about it, Bartemuis tried to continue to talk but the students just wouldn't stop.

"SILENCE!"

Dumbledore waited a moment before unveiling the Goblet of Fire; it was a large gold cup with a blue flame. Dumbledore explained that they had till this time next Thursday to submit their name in the Goblet but not to do so lightly. The rest of the first dinner went smoothly and soon we were being dismissed. I slowly made my way out of the Great Hall and headed down the Severus's chambers knowing that he would probably be there since he had left as soon as we were dismissed.

I knocked on his door and he took a few seconds to open up. He face was blank when he saw me but he opened the door and let me in. I didn't bother to sit down; I shut the door and crossed my arms waiting for him to say something. When he didn't, I figured I would have to be the one to start. "Do I even get an explanation?"

He just stared at me.

"All summer, we were together and then all the sudden, you just stop talking without any reason or if you do have a reason you didn't tell me." I let my arms fall. He was still staring at me and I felt myself getting angry; I was standing her, asking him just to say something to make it all make sense and all he could do was stare. I couldn't help the words that were about to spew from my mouth; he had hurt me and I wanted him to know.

"Will you even say anything? I love you! Do you not get that? Do you like going around breaking heart for no reason you selfish ass!" I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop me from saying more. I turned away from him and headed to the door, feeling myself calm down a bit. "Fine, you don't want to tell me then don't. Just know that I care and you have taken that for granted."

I reached from the handle when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I am sorry that I have hurt you." I turned around and waited for him to continue.

"You understand what I do Katharine, who I am for the Dark Lord. From what you told me about the Qudditch World Cup and from what you tell me Lucius has said it would be unwise for us to continue. The Death Eaters are dangerous and if the Dark Lord was ever to return and he caught wind of this," he nodded towards me. "Then you would also be in danger and that wouldn't be fair to you."

It took me a minute and then it all snapped into place. He was protecting me; he was worried that I was going to get hurt. I felt like I was about to cry; he may have not have said it outright but he cared. He actually cared about me.

"Severus..."

"Stop Katharine." He had let go of my shoulder. "Understand that this can not continue."

It was like I was shaken awake from a beautiful dream. He admitted he cares but wasn't willing to risk it. "I am a big girl. I can take care of myself."

He groaned. "I am not willing to risk my tasks, worrying about you're safety."

I nodded trying to hold back my tears; I hadn't cried yet about the whole thing, holding onto some hope that he would see the error of his ways. I did all I could to stop them from falling but I felt the warm drops on me cheek and he turned his head away, "Fine have it your way then. I will see you in class."

I left without looking back and made it to my room as quick as I could, afraid that I would break down on the outside the way I was feeling on the inside. I made it to my room in no time at all and collapsed on my bed. I held my pillow as tight as I could and cried into it until I had no more tears left it cry. I guess I should be happy that he cared but I was beginning to realize love was never like the stories you read. If this was a story Severus would have admitted his love and told me he didn't care the risks, he couldn't be without me.

But this wasn't a fairy tale and I wasn't worth it to him. Now that I think about it, I wasn't sure if I was ever worth it to him.

 


	9. Smile Like You Mean It

I flipped through my notes a third time to make sure that I had everything right and in order. I wouldn't lie, I was nervous to be teaching by myself without supervision. I mean sure, there had been times when Severus would leave me with his instructions for the classes he would teach with student who already knew who I was. But these were new students and lessons I came up with myself; I would be starting off their first year at Hogwarts teaching them stuff they never dreamed of knowing.

It was making my stomach turn.

Students began to fill in from the hallways and I realized class would be starting in a few minutes. They wore the signs of Gryffidor and Slytherin and most of them looked a little nervous; possibly they thought even though I wasn't Severus that because I had been taught by him that my practices were the same.

When they had all taken their seats I stood up and cleared my throat so they were all looking at me.

"Good morning class," I walked in front of the desk and kept my hands in front of me. "I am Professor Keeler and I will be teaching you how to create and brew potions. Now I would highly reccomend that you take notes in this class and keep them in a safe spot." I went back to the board and wrote down the word 'Boil Cure'. "Now this is the first basic potion we will be learning. I am going to take today to tell you a bit about the potion, tomorrow I will show a demonstration on how to brew it and then the third day I will let you take a turn at it." I went off writing things and heard the sound of quills scratching on parchment behind me. I didn't have any questions during the class which, didn't surprise me much as everyone was still getting use to being there but overall the class seemed to be successful.

The next class I had of the day went by as smooth as the first one and it made me feel relieved. I had managed to survive a day of classes, that I taught by myself without any help.

Even as I walked to dinner, I didn't feel anxious to see Severus, who had managed to avoid me all day, there. When I heard students talking, it wasn't just that they were talking that stopped me, it was what they were talking about. From what I gathered, Moody's class had gotten a little intense and Neville Longbottom seemed to be taking it hard. Neville had always had issues with Severus; I am pretty sure he was afraid of him to be completely honest. That made me have a soft spot for the boy who seemed to have barely any friends and aside from Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, was picked on the most by Severus.

I found him just about the enter the Great Hall when I stopped him.

"Mr. Longbottom?" he looked up at me. "A word?"

He followed me to an empty classroom and I shut the door and sat him down. "I heard about your Defense class today. Are you alright Mr. Longbottom?"

He looked confused and I smiled slightly. "I know your time at Hogwarts hasn't been the easiest and I overheard some of your classmates concerns. I just wanted to make sure that it still wasn't bothering you or maybe you needed to talk to Dumbledore?"

"No I am alright. Professor Moody alright talked to me and gave a book of Herbology as an apology." He stood up. "May I go to dinner now? I am fine really."

"Run along." I waved my hand and he was gone. I couldn't help but wonder what exactly happened in Moody's class and fought the urge to go confront him. I had originally decided against it as I walked out of the classroom but after a few steps down the hall, I found myself face to face with him.

"Professor Moody," I greeted.

"Professor," his voice was gruff. "May I ask why you found it approprite to question a student about my teachings?"

I raised my eyebrow. Either Neville had told him what had been said or he had somehow been listening. Obviously I couldn't prove it but I would put any money on the last one. "Well Professor when I hear about your unethical practices that's creates a possible harm to students, physically or mentally, it becomes a concern of mine. Perhaps you would like to explain exactly what you did to cause Mr. Longbottom's classmates to be concerned about him?"

He eyes were burning me and when he didn't say anything I tried to walk away when he grabbed my arm. "Don't test me Professor." I felt his fingers quiver on my shoulder and suddenly he let go and took a swig of something from a flask.

"I should say the same thing  _Professor_. You have a nice evening." I got away as quickly as possible and made into the Great Hall in no time.

I was surprised when I got more call outs from students then usual. Quite of few of them were the older students but a lot of first years were saying hello to me as well. I smiled back and waved at all of them when I finally took my seat, Flitwick and McGonagall started to ask me how my first classes went.

"Surprisingly well. The students seem to take in what I was saying but were a little quiet."

"Typical for first years but they seemed to really have warmed up to you." Flitwick said, referring to the hellos. "You will do fine Katharine. You always have been a shining star, even when you were in Ravenclaw you stayed at the top." he beamed. Flitwick had always been proud of his students who kept their grades and I was no exception.

"Thank you." I ate my food while listening to the conversations of the others around me. This gave me a chance to glance at Severus who was quietly talking to Karkaroff, a habit he had pulled himself into it seemed. The way the two talked, I assumed he had a past with him. It was the perfect excuse to avoid me and it seemed to be working the way he wanted it too. Severus caught me looking and our eyes locked for a brief moment; this did not go unnoticed to Karkaroff.

I quickly turned my gaze back out to the students eating their food and waved at some more nods I got from students who were saving hello.

For the rest of dinner, I ate in silence, lost in my own thoughts. Though my solitude kept me focused on nothing but my mind, it didn't slip me that throughout the whole dinner I was the target of a stare myself coming from the other side of the table. Moody had been watching me closely since our little disagreement, like he was trying to figure me out. I took pointers from Severus and ignored him completely.

I made my way from dinner back to my room and laid down right away; I was suppose to help Severus tomorrow with his fourth and fifth years as they were starting their first potions of the year and I still had my classes to teach. Not only that but the I had found that today, for whatever reason, had exhausted me to the point where I was falling asleep on the walk back to my rooms. Yes, sleep would do me good and tomorrow I could begin to work on my new goal.

Getting Severus back.

It seemed like I was being an idiot but I loved him and even if he was trying to protect me, like I assumed he was, I wanted him to see I could take care of myself. I was a big girl and I could take care of myself; I just wished people could see that.

My mind couldn't stay focused anymore and I fell into the darkness sleep brought.

* * *

I carried out the supplies the students would need and set them on the side table so they could grab them after Severus said they could begin their potions. They were learning about antidotes and apparently Severus, like usual, found that pushing them right into it would be the best way to teach them. If their was one thing me and Severus disagreed about it was that but I had never pushed the subject; it was his class.

Today was the Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs first which was a class that went by alright; they were usually a quiet bunch and just wanted to get there work done to get out of the their. Not only that but their 'rivalry' was almost non existant compared to Gryffindor and Slytherin. Severus was polite enough to me throughout the lesson when he choose to acknowledge me and I could feel myself getting frustrated; he had no reason to ignore me and not only that, it was affecting my learning from him. He was suppose to be teaching me things that would help me in the future and since the class began, I got the impression that it wasn't going to be happening.

Trying my best to ignore the anger bubbling inside of me, I continued with my task that had been given to me. Halfway through class, one of the students asked me for help and like usual I walked over and helped them figure out what they needed to know. It wasn't until the end of class that I had found out that I did something wrong.

"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't interfere with my students. They dont need you to hold their hand through everything like you seem to think." I turned to him.

"A student asked me for help so I helped. I didn't realize that was an issue." I was surprised on how calm I sounded.

"Yes well if they need help they can come to me."

I clenched my hands. "You left me and now you are holding that against me?" It was the only conclusion I could come too.

"I am well aware of that Katharine; must you always run back to that and think that this is what this all is about?"

I rolled my eyes. "Well then you tell me what it is about."

"It's about you walking around here thinking you can do whatever you want too."

"What!?" Now I was seriously confused.

"Let's not even go into how you have been walking around here like a pouting child for the other half of the time."

I had no idea what this was all about; I didn't do anything wrong and I was pretty sure I wasn't walking around like a sulking child. No, this had to be more then what he was letting on and even though he was being hurtful towards me, I still wanted to figure out what was truly wrong with him but he wouldn't have it.

"Just get out." he gritted his teeth and went back to looking over papers.

I didn't argue with him; I turned back around and headed towards the classroom door. "If you want to talk about what this is really about, I will be here to listen."

I slammed the door as hard as I could and started to storm away but not before running into someone. Karkaroff.

"Professor," he gave me a grin that sent shivers down my spine. "I do not believe we have had the chance to meet officially yet."

"We have not." I held out my hand, trying to be polite. "Katharine Keeler."

"Igor Karkaroff." he shook it, his grip a little more firm then I would have liked. "Perhaps you would like to chat more at dinner or even out for a drink? I have tried to ask Severus about you many time but he seems to have the great gift of changing the subject."

"As well as many other things." I commented dryly. "Excuse me now, I have somewhere I need to be."

I got away as quick as I could before he reminded me I never answered his question about getting a drink or chatting at dinner. I made my way to the outside for a bit of fresh air to clear my head; I stood against the wall for a few minutes before deciding to skip Severus's class with the Gryffindors and Slytherins. If he didn't want me to do my job the way I had been for years, then I wouldn't do my job for him at all. I walked back up to my personal rooms and took a shower, letting the hot water run down my body. The soft sound of the water mixed with the hot temperature helped me unwind but I still couldn't block out what Severus had said to me.

What had I done to make him go from the sweet, caring man the other night to the mean Potion's Professor again?

I stayed in the shower for a long time, long enough that the water ran cool. I wrapped myself up in a soft robe and feel down on my bed. I tried to muster up the strength to get up but it wasn't happening. I was too exhausted from everything. The rest of the day I spent in bed, in and out of sleep hoping that everything was just a dream.

* * *

Thursday came quickly which, was a relief to many of the students who spent the day anxiously awaiting to see if their name was being pulled from the Goblet. The Hogwarts favorite seemed to be Cedric Diggory, a popular and charming Hufflepuff boy. Cedric was a very polite boy who was always helping out his classmates and the apple of every girl's eye in Hogwarts. If I was younger, I couldn't say that I too wouldn't found the boy appealing.

As for Severus and I; I went to his classes the next day and kept my mouth shut and didn't help the students out anymore. Simple directed them to Severus for his expertese. My classes however were going well, the students seemed to be learning at a normal pace which made me happy.

Everyone was asked to gather in the Great Hall to witness the names being pulled from the Goblet. I ended up beside McGonagall and Hagrid who were chatting with me on and off. Soon enough Dumbledore came out when all the students had arrived. He sounded excited to revel the names and to begin to tournament. The first name to fly from the Goblet was from Beauxbatons, Fleur DeLelacur. The Beauxbatons girls cheered, clearly Fleur was the fan favorite for Beauxbatons. Next Viktor Krum, one of the main players from the Qudditch World Cup, was chosen from Drumstrang. Finally the champion from Hogwarts was Cedric Diggory; students went wild and even some teachers were smiling brightly at Cedric.

Everything seemed to be going as planned; Dumdbledore began to speak about the tournament and how their three champions had been found. Barty Crouch stepped forward and reveled the Triwizard cup and the students stared at it in awe. That was when I noticed that something was happening with the Goblet. Severus stepped forward, being one of the first to realize that there was something very wrong. The Goblet was changing colors and spurting flames; a name came from the Goblet and I could feel the tension in the room. Four champions had never happened before, it was always three.

"Harry Potter." Dumbledore's voice was almost a whisper and I gasped; how did Harry get his name in the Goblet. Hagrid was shaking his head and saying no, not believing this was happening as well.

"Harry Potter!" Dumdbledore was shouting now. Students were yelling, enraged that a fourth year's name had even been put in the Goblet.

Harry slowly walked up to Dumbledore, looking more nervous than I had ever seen him. Surely he couldn't have put his name in the goblet; wouldn't he have looked a little more thrilled at the opportunity? Not only that but with the Death Eaters running around again, there was no way he would have taken the chance. As Harry made his way down to the champion's room, the teachers began to chase after him after Dumbledore dismissed the students. I followed quickly at the back of the pack to find Dumbledore shaking Harry, asking him if he put his name in. Madame Maxine seemed convinced he did.

"Well of course he is lying!" she cried.

"The hell he is! The Goblet of Fire is an exceptionally powerful magical object. Only an exceptionally powerful Confundus charm could have hoodwinked it - magic way beyond the talents of a fourth year!" Moody argued for Harry. It seems Moody and myself had atleast one thing in common.

"You have seemed to given this a fair bit of thought Mad-Eye." Karkaroff narrowed his eyes and stood towards Moody.

"It was once my job to think as Dark wizards do, Karkaroff. Perhaps you remember?"

"Is this really helping any?" I spoke up looked at the pair of them, annoyed both of them had found the time to bring up personal matters.

"No it's not," Dumbledore turned to Barty. "I'll leave this to you."

We all looked at him, waiting for an answer.

"The rules are absolute. The Goblet of Fire constitutes a binding magical contract. Mr. Potter has no choice. He is, as of tonight, a Triwizard champion."

It wasn't right, not at all.

McGonagall agreed with my opinion when Dumbledore asked myself, her, Severus and Moody to his office. She seemed more upset than anyone else; perhaps because she was Harry's head of house and knew him better than any of the professors.

"This can't go on Albus. First the dark mark and now this?"

"What do you suggest Minerva?" Dumbledore asked.

"Put an end to it. Don't let Potter compete!"

"You heard Barty, the rules are clear."

"Well, the devil with Barty and his rules and since when did you accommodate the Ministry?"

"I am with Professor McGonagall on this one," I stepped forward. "I saw Harry at the Quidditch Cup. He isn't ready for something like this right now and it will make things a lot harder for him. Plus it seems all to coincidental that this is happening now."

"Master, I, too, find it difficult to believe this mere coincidence. However, if we are to truly discover the meaning of these events, perhaps we should, for the time being, let them unfold." Severus let his last words drag out.

"Are you serious!" I snapped at him. "Your willing to offer him up as bait!"

"Potter is a boy! Not a piece of meat!" McGonagall added in, as enraged as I was.

"I agree... with Severus." Dumbledore finally decided. "Alastor, keep an eye on Harry, will you?"

"I can do that." Moody seemed to be enjoying the little battle that was happening.

"Don't let him know, though. He must be anxious enough, as it is... knowing what lies ahead. Then again, we all are." Dumbledore dismissed us after he put a memory of his in the penesive, something I had only heard of but never seen until then.

As we left the office I grabbed Severus's arm instead of smacking him hard, I figured that smacking him would just make issues worse. He didn't seem pleased nor surprised to see that I had stopped him. I pulled him into a spare classroom and shut the door.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I gripped his arm tighter. "Harry Potter is a boy for christ sakes! Just because you have some vendetta against him for whatever reason doesn't mean he deserves to die!"

"You think Potter has that little talent that he will end up dead?" he sneered.

"No I think he is as skilled as a normal fourth year student should be. May I point out that this tournament is not for fourth years?" I let go of his arm and he place it back to his side roughly, "Can you think of someone besides yourself for once in your life?"

"Still living with your mother, looking at the world like it should be sunshine and rainbows. They can't all be babied like you are Katharine; there are some people who need to do more then be apprentices who have the beg to teach on their own. Go home Katharine. No one wants you here besides the teenage boys who like to stare at your ass as you walk through the halls." his words were like a deep cut in my chest. I knew I was crying as soon as the words left his mouth. I reached out and slapped his as hard as I could.

His hand was on his cheek and he looked as if he realized how deep his words sank. "Katharine..." he tried to step towards me but I backed up.

"Save it. Don't worry, you don't need to worry about me anymore. Have a nice life." I spat and got out of the classroom as quick as I could and made it back to my rooms in record time.

I wasn't going to stay any longer. I couldn't keep dealing with this constant battle Severus and I were having. It hurt too much and like I had been told many times in my life, I wasn't strong enough to handle it. He was right about me though, and that is what hurt the most. I was babied my entire life and I did think that the world should be all good. But did I really have the beg to teach classes and was the only thing I was good at was being eye candy?

_No one wants you here._

He made that very clear that himself and no one else saw me as anything useful. No, I couldn't stay.

I had already pulled out my bags and began to pack when there was a knock at my door. Severus stood there with a blank look on his face.

"What do you want now? Have more to add to your insightful speech?" he looked around me and saw my bags out.

"Do you always have to take things so literally?"

"Go away Severus. I don't need anymore of your crap tonight." I tried to shut the door but he stopped me.

"Katharine," he stopped me from shutting the door.

"What?" I was exhausted now.

"There are people who want you here. I was angry and I did not mean to hurt your feeling." he struggled saying it.

"Yeah? Who wants me here?"

"The students do learn from you, they think you're a great teacher. You didn't have the beg to teach. It was a given that you get your own class to teach."

"Anyone else?" I crossed my arms.

"Despite the current dispute we are going through, I find your presences less annoying then some others here."

I knew I wasn't going to get more then that from him so I tried to give my best smile and nodded. "Thank you. Now let me go to sleep. I won't leave alright?"

He left after that and I fell on my bed and turned off the lights; Severus hadn't outright said he still cared but he had came to my room to apologize and to convince me to not leave. He had even said that he 'enjoyed my presence'. It wasn't him saying that he loved me or cared but it was a start. I hated to admit it to myself but after that, my feelings for Severus began to creep out from the darkness. Of course I still loved him deep down but knowing he wanted me he made them more apparent to myself.

My dreams were filled with Severus finally telling me he loved me. I wished it would happen soon.

 


	10. Break the Ice

I made my way across the ground towards Hagrid's place; lately I had been visiting him and having a tea while we dicussed magical creatures. After potions, magical creatures was my next best and favorite subject. Hagrid informed me last time we talked they he may have something interesting to show me today, so I was eager to get there to see what this thing might be. He smiled brightly when he saw me, as per usual let me into his home.

"Katharine, you are going to be excited when you hear about this." he seemed more excited to show me then anything. "We have to go into the forest though, so good thing you wearing the proper gear."

I did a silent thank you to myself as well; I had decided to wear tight legged pants and high boots with a simple, ravenclaw blue bloose rather as opossed to my teaching outfits.

We headed out, deep in the forest where I heard faint sounds of an animal I didn't regconize. As we neared closer, the air became hotter and the noises were louder. I looked over at Hagrid who still had a small smile on his face. We walked a little further till he pointed up ahead and instructed me to look through the trees. What I saw made me understand why he was so excited; never in my life had I imagained I would have been able to see one of these before.

A dragon; four to be exact.

"Oh wow!" I inched closer. I identified all the dragons with ease. "The Welsh Green, The Chinese Fire Ball, The Sweish Short Snout and the Hungrian Horntail." I pointed at each of them as I said their names. The Horntail looked particularly mean, not something I would want to mess with.

"Wait," I turned to Hagrid. "These aren't part of the first task are they?"

"'Fraid so Katharine. Harry will have his work cut out for him."

We didn't stay much longer; my head kept wandering to Harry battling with a dragon. I was afraid for him.

"You can't tell him Katharine, as much as I know we both want too." Hagrid instructed before I left.

"Is there anyway to let him know?" Hagrid didn't respond. "Hargrid, Harry has to at least prepare for this. Try and think of something."

He nodded. "If there is a way, he will know. Don't you worry about that."

* * *

The next day as I walked though the halls, doing rounds to make sure everyone was out of trouble and to kill time. The students were out and about and the first thing I noticed were the badges some wore on their shirts. Some were to cheer on the three older contenstants but quiet a few had 'Potter Stinks" labled clearly across it.

I stopped one of the fourth year students who said hello to me. "Honestly Mr. Willams, you think the badge is approprite?"

He shrugged his shoulder. "It's true. He's a cheat."

I let him walk away without a fight; I was glad that I had never been one of these kids who felt the need to follow whatever everyone else thought. I was about to stop another student who said hello when I heard the distinct voices of Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy, clearly having an argument as per usual.

"I don't give a damn what your father thinks Malfoy." Harry was saying as I approached the group.

Draco stepped closer to him, clearly angered now.

"He's vile, cruel and you're pathetic." Harry turned to walk away and I saw Malfoy raise his wand. Before I could step in, Moody was already there,

"Hold it there sonny!" Moody had his wand raised to Draco quicker than he could say any spell. I don't think Draco expected it because his face looked terrified as his body began to change into a small, white ferret. Moody used his wand to levitate him around in the air; the ferret squealed loudly.

"I'll teach you to curse someone when their back is turned. You stinkin', cowardly, scummy, backstabbing..."

I hadn't seen her arrive, but McGonagall stepped in, tryin to assest the situation. "Professor Moody- what are you doing?"

"Teaching."

"Is that a student?!"

"Technically it's a ferret."

I tried to hide my laughter and somehow I managed to hold the sound back but my face was still turned up in a small smirk. McGonagall turned to me witha glare and the smirk was instant wiped off; I didn't feel like laughing after that. Draco was changed back after an adventure down his friend Goyle's trousures and ran away from the yard quickly, yelling that he was going to tell his father about all of what had happened.

"I could tell you stories about your father that would curl even your greasy hair, boy!" He was shouted, trying to chase after the group of boys.

"Alastor! We never use transfiguration as punishment. Surely Dumbledore told you that."

"He may have mentioned it."

"Well you will do well to remember it." we watched as Moody pulled Harry off while grumbling something under his breath. She turned her attention to me.

"I expect much more out of you Katharine," she shook her head ."Either way, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office."

I had escaped McGonagall's wrath but was being lead to Dumbledore's office for some unknown reason. Perhpas Severus had went to him? Telling himn everything and requested that I leave Hogwarts for good? But after everything that had happened the other night, him asking me to stay, why would he go and change his mind? No, I was sure this was about something else, it just had to be. I couldn't help but walk a little slowly,if Severus had gone and said something, I wanted to make sure I could live in the moment where he still loved me for a little while longer.

"Ah Katharine," he was looking out the window when I had arrived. "Lemon drop?"

"Oh no thank you Professor." I sat down at the desk and he joined, sitting across from me. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes yes." he took a lemon drop for himself. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Of me?" What could he want with me?

"Yes. I need you to also keep an eye on Harry. My dear friend Alastor has...well he is different and I can tell there is something wrong. I just can't put my finger on it. Naturally, I worry for Harry. I know you two have had history at the Qudditch World Cup so I figured he wouldn't think anything of it if you were checking up on him from time to time."

"Well not only that but I have noticed him being seperate from his friends. Spends his time with Neville Longbottom on occassion." it was true; since Harry's name was annouced he sat by himself in class, at meal times and walked around, keeping his head down.

"There, even more of a reason. The dark times are beginning again Katharine. I know you were still young when they happened before but I am sure you remember things about that time."

I nodded; burning houses, tears, screams. My mother was always watching out the window during those times. At the height of the war, we had went into hiding at one of the safehouses for the Order of Pheonix members which, I never understood truly. We were pureblooded and didn't have to fear any backlash for not being true witches. But I didn't argue with my mother- I just figured she was being extra protective of me.

"I'll do the best I can sir." I stood up and thanked him..

"Oh Katharine," I stopped and turned to him before leaving. There was a twinkle in his eye. "I'm glad you have choosen to stay with us."

"Of course, thank you again." So Severus had talked to him.

It made me wonder how much Dumbledore knew about exactly what was going on.

* * *

With everything that had been happeming, I barely had time to think about Severus though he was always in the back of my mind. Though I found him watching me the one day after class, while I cleaned up. When the students had left and I had finished I went to see if he needed anything else from me.

"No, I should be fine." he didn't look up from grading papers.

I went to leave but then stopped; I couldn't help but feel we had made it back to square one. Before we could at least talk and have full length conversations. Sure, he was at least respectful to me now but I longed for the days when we could at least talk about what potion would be a good idea to do next or even what I could do to help him.

"Severus." he looked up from his paper for a brief second and looked back down.

"What is it?"

I crossed my arms, a little angered that I didn't even deserve to get him to look at me as we talked. "Can I sit with you during the first task?"

He looked up now and was staring at me like I was crazy.

"As friends..." My voice trailed off into a hushed tone. "Not anything else."

I couldn't read what he was thinking. "That would be fine."

I let out the breath I had been holding and left quickly; at least we were getting somewhere.

I made my way to find Harry, who I had yet to really have a good talk with. I found him sitting the courtyard on a ledge while other students passed by him, snickereing and pointing. I tapped him on the shoulder, not to spook him since he was lost in thought. He looked up at me but, didn't smile, and gave a small greeting.

"Harry, I'd like to talk to you. Do you mind coming with me?"

He got up pretty quickly and followed me silently until I made it to the small office that I had been given when I started teaching. I didn't spend much time in it unless it was to talk to a student about their grade. It wasn't decorated but had two soft chairs on both sides of the desk.

"Harry, how have you been?" I started. "I know things haven't exactly been easy for you lately."

He shrugged. "It's fine."

"Do you have any ideas about the first task?" I changed, realizing that he wouldn't want to talk much about himself. He looked up at me, his eyes told me he was having a small debate in his head.

"Yes. It's dragons. One of the others told me." For some reason, I didn't believe him. I figured Hagrid found a way to get the information to him but I didn't push it.

"Dragons are mean creatures Harry. You must stay calm and think quickly in order to not get yourself killed. I know a few things about dragons. There are to be taken seriously."

He looked generally interesting in what I was saying now. "Especially that Horntail."

I smiled brightly. "One of the others told you about that too?" I gave him a look to tell him I knew he was lying. "It doesn't matter either way Harry. Do you have a plan?"

"I can use my wand to get my broom. Professor Moody talked to me about it."

"Perfect!" I clapped my hands together. "That's excellent. It seems like you have this all under control."

He stood up to leave. "Thank you Professor."

"It's no problem and Harry," I nodded. "You're friends, they will come around."

He looked down at his feet. "Yeah I hope so."

For his sake, I hoped so too. It was hard enough for him being put in this situation but to be alone while in it? Right there made it ten times worse. I watched as he left and shut the door behind him, imagianing what it was like for him. I had isolated myself for a good deal of my life, only have Addison as my only friend in the whole castle. She had other friends that she saw from time to time but I stayed away when she was around them. Perhaps I was too much like my mother that way; she had never had time for anyone it seemed either.

I glanced out the window; a cold front seemed to be coming in to mask over the warmer weather we had been having. It was fitting too since the next task was coming in the next few days

* * *

I made my way up the the booth where the Professors sat and food Severus next to Professor McGonagall. I took the spare seat next to him and nodded to him and McGonagall next to him, As well, Dumbledore sat at the end seat and I made a quick hello to him as well. Not too long after, Dumbledore stood up and began to speak to the crowd; his voice amplified so all could hear.

"Your attention, please. This is a great day for all of us. Each of the three tasks involves very considerable danger. Please keep your seats at all times..." he continued on until the roar of Swedish Short Snout drowned him out. He quickly finished and sat back down while I leaned over to Severus.

"Is there any word on exactly what the task will be?" I asked at him quietly.

"They have to get a golden egg from the dragon. Seems simple..."

"But it's quiet the opposite." I finished for him. "I know a fair but about the dragons Severus. If I didn't get the apprenticeship under you, I considered asking about Magical Creatures."

I realized then, we had never really talked about me and my past. I mean he knew somethings from oour banters while grading papers but we had never really spoke of my past, my fears and my dreams. He looked interested but at the same time trying not to be too obvious. I didn't call him out on it though, I figured that would ruin anything I had going good with him and cause him to be embarassed. I was about to continue on, telling him about my school life when we heard the cannons, signaling for the first task to begin.

Cedric Diggory walked out, looking nervous as he should. His wand was tightly clenched in his hand and the dragon sat patiently behind a rock, watching the egg from afar. Cedric walked slowly towards the egg as the Short Snout lifted its head and moved towards Cedric; everyone sat on the edge of their seats and quiet a few screamed as the dragon let out a blast of fire. Cedric, however was quick on his feet and moved behind a rock to dodge the blast. He held out his wand to the rock across from him and said a quick spell; the rock had changed into a dog and caught the dragon's attention. Cedric waited for a few moments before taking a dash towards the egg. Just before he grabbed it, the dragon caught sight of him and let out a large blast, catching Cedric in the face. However, despite that, Cedric held the golden egg tightly in his arms. The dragon was stunned and Cedric was picked up and rushed to the healers who sat off to the side.

The crowd went wild; Cedric had succeessfully gotten the egg in a short amount of time. He was standing back up within seconds, waving to everyone and the crowd loved it.

The Welsh Green was brought out next and soon after Fluer Delacour walked out looking more nervous then Cedric did. She was quicker then Cedric though and charmed the dragon to sleep with ease. She walked swiftly over towards the egg when the dragon snored out flames and Fluer's skirt caught on fire. She easily put out the flames and grabbed the egg while the Beauxbatons crowds cheered the loudest. Not as exciting as the others but everyone was amazed at Fluer's grace even while putting a dragon to sleep.

I watched the Chinese Fireball being dragged out and wished silently that Harry would appear before us. But Viktor Krum's face is what I saw instead; now I was fearful even more for Harry. He had somehow ended up with the cruelest looking dragon of them all. I looked over to Severus who looked over at me around the same time; he must have seen the worry in my face. I answered before he asked.

"I've seen the Horntail, he is the meanest of the bunch. I was hoping that Harry wouldn't end up with it." I wrung my hands together.

Severus gave a small snort. "Whatever Potter gets is his own fault for not training more."

I glared at Severus who still gave me the same look as before.

Viktor Krum did very well with his egg; he blinded the Fireball with a difficult curse. However, before Viktor could grab it, the dragon stepped on the egg and crushed part of it. When it was finished, Viktor had been docked a few points because of the state of his egg.

Finally, Harry walked out after the Horntail was set up. I suppose many in the crowd believed that he would fail but that didn't seem to stop everyone from being on the edge of their seats. Harry started to walk towards the egg, much like Cedric did when the dragon appeared from nowhere and attacked. Everyone gasps and I swore I saw Karakroff laugh under his breath. Hermione's voice rang from the crowd for Harry to use his wand; Harry pulled it out and summoned what we soon after found out was his broom. The dragon broke free and chased him; the sounds from the crowd were a mixed between gasps and cheers.

I felt my stomach turn; we couldn't see Harry anymore and that made me more fearful then seeing him fighting the dragon in front of me.

I felt a hand being placed on mine and I looked over at Severus who was staring straight. I barely got out his name when he laced his fingers with mine and squeezed gently. "Stop worrying, he will be fine."

Sure enough he was; as Harry came back in I let go of Severus's hand and jumped up with a cheer. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders as the crowds begin to leave the stands. Severus walked beside me as we made it to dinner and we even sat next to each other. I didn't hide the fact that I was enjoying his company and I knew we were getting quiet a few looks from the students and even some of the teachers.

"Thank you for tonight. I enjoyed your company." Severus and I walked the hallway together, heading towards the hallways that split off to our rooms.

"The feeling is," he let the words roll off his tongue. "Mutual."

This made my heart sing and the smile on my face was probably showing it. We reached the split in the hall, stopped and turned to each other. The smile had left and instead we were staring intensely at each other. I took a breath and stepped back from him, not wanting to push anything. "Well it was fun Severus. See you tomorrow."

"Katharine," his voice stopped me mid turn. I waited for him to say something but he didn't; he turned and walked away down the hall.

As if my body was on auto, I began to continue my walk towards my rooms and tried to ignoring my head which, was telling me that somehow I was beginning to win Severus back. If I gave myself too much hope, I was setting myself up for heartbreak again. But the way he looked at me, the way he grabbed my hand when I was scared.

I really couldn't help but hope.

 


	11. Dance, Dance

"Oh not that one dear, it's not you're color." I looked up at the lady who stood beside me and sighed, holding up with pale yellow dress. "You need something that matches your eyes dearie. Come over and sit. I'll pull out a few for you."

I took a seat in the chair she pointed out and waited. With Christmas approaching, talks of the Yule Ball were in full swing. I wanted to grab a dress before the students found out exactly what was going on and the crowds came. Though the task at hand proved to be more challenging.

"Here you go dearie," she held three dressed in her hand. "Try them on, let's see."

I wished Addison was here, she would make the experience of dress shopping more thrilling. She had always been the one who loved shopping and dressing up- I always had my nose stuck in books and hated the idea of spending my money on clothes.

The first dress I tried on was too puffed out at the bottom though the color was excellent and then the second one had a weird cut on it. The third one felt like it was cutting the circulation off in my stomach and chest area. The woman helping me seemed just as frustrated as I was; I could hear her pacing back and forth throughout the store until she squealed with delight. When I peaked my head out from the change room, she was running from the back with one final dress in hand.

"I forgotten about this one until now! It's one of a kind; the lady changed her mind at the last second about it. Nothing wrong with it of course, a little too tight on her. Well go on try it on!" she shoved it towards me and pushed me into the change room.

I came out and looked at myself in the mirror. It fit perfectly against my body and the shape is exactly what I wanted it to be.

"It's perfect! Just perfect! You have to take it dear! I'll even give you a discount!" the lady gushed and hurried me back in to change so I could get the dress. As she was ringing me out she was still smiling wide.

"It is like fate brought you too me. Your man will fall to the floor when he sees you in it!"

I stared at her for a minute and thought of Severus instantly; I did not expect us to attend the ball together but still, I hoped when he saw me in this dress that he would indeed fall to the floor as the shop keeper said.

"I'll take it."

It wasn't too long before I had grabbed the rest of the necessary accessories to match the dress; the perfect shoes, a necklace and a bracelet.

I also managed to get some Christmas shopping in as well.

Though it didn't take terribly long, I was still exhausted from my little adventure but happy none the less.

I made it back to Hogwarts just in time for a late lunch and took my normal seat beside Severus who was just finishing up his meal.

"Severus, how's it going?" I greeted him cheerfully.

"It's fine." Severus never sounded extremely happy, I could tell when he was troubled. I took a guess at what was bothering him; in the next few days, each Head of House was required to run a class to teach the older students how to dance.

"Excited for dancing I see."

He scowled at me and then turned back to his plate. "Clearly."

"You know I could help you with that. I mean I know I am from Ravenclaw but Flitwick is alright with this stuff."

He stared at me for a second and it appeared as if he was struggling with what to say next. "I would appreciate that."

"Alright then, just let me know when it is and I will be there."

He gave me the day and told me where to go then he got up and left.

I finished up my meal quickly and headed back to my room to sort out some of the Christmas presents I had bought. There wasn't many- one for Addison, one for my mother and I had even managed to grab something small for Severus.

I began to wrap up each gift in some packaging,

I knew my mother wouldn't be happy about me not returning for Christmas so I hoped the bottle of expensive rum made up for me not being there. She was always a fan of rum and egg nog and for whatever reason, Christmas was her favorite holiday to forget.

For Addison, who I also knew wouldn't be thrilled at my absence over the holidays, I found a few really cute tops I knew she would love as well as a necklace with a white gold locket. I made sure to include a long letter with her package, which would probably be her favorite part of the whole thing.

As for Severus, it took me awhile to find something for him and at first, I didn't think I would see anything just right for him. Then I found something that I just knew I had to get for him. It was a snow globe with this row of houses that made me think of Spinners End but when you shook the globe, it made it seem beautiful somehow and not so miserable.

I couldn't help but smile and wonder what Severus would think of the gift. I didn't think he would get me anything as he didn't seem like the gift giving type but still, I couldn't help but wonder if maybe he would change his habits just once.

* * *

"Alright guys, so with the Yule Ball coming up we need to make sure you guys know how to dance." I clapped my hands together while looking at the group of Slytherins. "I have agreed to help Professor Snape today so hopefully you guys will know some steps before this is over."

The students groaned, clearly not eager to learn anything about dancing.

"Now who wants to practice with me?" All the male students began to inch back except for Draco, who seemed to be oblivious to everything that was happening. "Ah Mr. Malfoy, since you seem to be taking an extra special interest in this lesson, please step up here."

Everyone snickered as Draco sluggishly dragged his feet in my direction, well until Severus glared at them all.

"Alright Mr. Malfoy, hands on my waist." That seemed to peak up his interest and with a true Malfoy smirk, his hands were on my waist. Well slightly lower than I would have expected from a partner while dancing.

"Mr. Malfoy." Severus growled warningly.

"Honest mistake I swear." Draco said moving his hands, smirk still on his face.

"Very well Mr. Malfoy, now the male is to take the lead and the woman is to follow. Now ladies, this is not to say that the male is superior in any way. The lady allows the man to take the lead and take control; the woman gives the permission because without them, the men would just be dancing by themselves!" there was a bit of laughter coming from mainly the girl's side of the classroom.

I turned back to Draco. "Alright Mr. Malfoy, now I assume you know how to move your feet to a rhythm. Professor Snape- start the music please."

The music began to play and Draco began to dance with me, rather well actually. I assumed that somewhere in his short life, he must have been forced to learn how to dance. Being from a pureblood and wealthy family, it seemed almost necessary.

I went over a few simple steps and techniques with the Slythern's and then got them to pair up and practice. It wasn't before long and the lesson was over.

"Alright, well I hope to see you all dancing at the Yule Ball with your dates!"

The students began to file out and I sank to a spare chair that was next to Severus; I had been pretty much dancing for an hour straight, something I hadn't done in a very long time. I waited till all the students had left before I turned to Severus.

"Be glad it wasn't you." I sighed.

"Trust me I am." The look on his face made me think he was picturing himself dancing.

I laughed out loud and he gave me a funny look.

"You owe me." I told him. "I wouldn't dance around for an hour just for anyone."

"What is it that I owe you?"

It didn't take me long to think of something. "A dance at the ball."

Severus laced his fingers together. "I don't think that would be an issue."

I smiled at the thought of us dancing together at the ball. It would be perfect.

* * *

The Yule Ball quickly came and the students were more excited the ever. It was hard to keep the students focus on their last day of classes before the holidays. They were all talking about who they would bring to the ball and what they would wear; Severus got extremely annoyed at it while I thought it was adorable.

Also I was thankful I got my outfit as early as I did. Students were heading up to Hogsmade whenever they could to rummage through the dress store.

The Professors were even excited, well all except for Severus.

"This whole thing is ridiculous."

"Don't you think that you should try and have a bit of fun for once? Maybe smile once and awhile?" I teased him.

"It would give the students the wrong impression of me."

I laughed and let it go; he would be patrolling the grounds most of the Yule Ball but he still owed me one dance and who knows- maybe it could turn into more than that.

Both Addison and my mother had written to me wishing me a happy Christmas and while they were not too thrilled at me not being home, they hoped I had fun at the ball. We at least Addison did; she wished she was here herself. My mother, of coursed wished me well but couldn't help herself by added a comment about staying away from Severus.

I didn't let any of that bother me though; this was a night everyone had been waiting for.

I couldn't help but feel the excitement as I slipped on my dress and the shoes that I paired with it. I placed my necklace around my neck and styled my hair. When I had finished, I took a step back and looked in the mirror.

My dress was the same green as my eyes and was strapless; it was form fitting from my chest to my waist where it slightly flowed out to the floor. There was silver jewels that outlined the chest area that matched my silver heels and silver necklace. I had pinned the front of my hair partially back but let the rest hang down, showing off my silver, dangly earrings. I applied a bit of makeup which really made my face look more stunning then I had ever seen it not to mention my dress made my eyes stand out even more than usual.

Despite being a Ravenclaw, I looked like a true Slytherin queen and hopefully someone Severus wouldn't be able to take his eyes off of.

As I made my way down to the ball, students stopped me and complimented my dress and asked where I got it or stopped at gawked at my appearance. Walking down the stairs right before the doors to enter the ball was even worse.

"Wow Professor, you look bloody brilliant." Ron Weasley commented. If Hermione had been there, he would have received a smack in the head I would imagine.

"Thank you Ron. You look…" I tried to think of the best words to describe his outfit. "Interesting tonight."

Harry snickered at my comment and I tried not to laugh at Ron's face going red.

I entered the ball and took a good look around; it looked like a beautiful winter wonderland without the cold which, I was thankful for as I was not very fond of the cold. I wasn't the only one who seemed impressed; all the Professors including Madame Maxine gushed at the display.

I took my spot over where all the other's Professors stood and caught sight of Severus standing in the corner by himself. I wasn't sure if he had seen me yet so I went to make my way over but was stopped when the Tri Wizard Champions began to make their way in with their dates.

The four pairs started off the Yule Ball with a dance which they all seemed to do very well. Dumbledore and Minerva soon walked out onto the dance floor hand in hand signaling for other couples to begin their dancing.

I felt eyes on me and I turned to see Severus watching me. I walked over to him quickly with a small smile. He nodded to me and we stood silently for a few seconds before he turned to me and held out his hand.

"I suppose I owe you a dance."

"Yes you do." I smiled and let him lead me to the dance floor.

We began to dance and I tried my best to ignore the stares. "So I'm guessing you will have to be starting your patrolling soon. Everyone else will want to have a bit of fun at the ball tonight."

"Yes well students are sneaky and Dumbledore knows this ball isn't my cup of tea."

"That unfortunate Severus, you really should try to have some fun more often. Even if you don't think you will enjoy it."

"You're too optimistic Katharine. As you know, I don't really have much time for fun."

I bit my lip. "Yes I suppose your right. Sorry."

"Don't be sorry."

I looked to the floor trying to cut through the awkward silence that had just came over the both of us. "I got you a Christmas present. If you don't mind, I would like to give it to you tomorrow if you're not too busy."

He looked down at me as if I had spoken a foreign language he didn't understand. "Why on earth would you do that?"

I was taken aback a little. "Severus, its Christmas and you be presents for people who are important to you."

"I know what happens on Christmas."

"Can I please give you the present tomorrow?"

He hesitated for a moment. "Of course."

I was about to say something else when there was a tap on my shoulder; when I turned Karkaroff was standing behind me with a slimy grin on his face. He nodded to Severus and asked if he could take over. I silently begged for Severus to say no but he said he needed to go do his rounds and left me with Karkaroff.

I took his hand and we began to dance.

"You look very beautiful tonight Katharine."

"Thank you." I didn't intend to sound cold but I was a little upset that he had interrupted Severus and I.

"You know Katharine." He said after a few minutes of dancing. "I know you don't like me, you see me as dark and menacing I suppose."

I didn't answer, just stared into the distance like he had said nothing.

He threw he head back and chuckled softly. "You see Katharine that is what makes you truly much more terrifying then me."

I finally spoke, curious on how that would even be possible. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"You're on the edge of losing the control you have gained in your life."

"I don't think so. You don't know anything about me."

"I know that you're still in love with Severus and that you are doing the same thing over and over again hoping that perhaps he will feel the same way you feel about him. Do you know how a great man once said about insanity?"

"I feel like you will tell me anyways."

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting the same results. If my hunch is correct I think you have been living just like that haven't you?"

I was glad the song was over and I pulled away from him, not giving an answer much to his delight. I didn't say anything as I walked away and went to get some fresh air. My mind was racing at what Karkaroff had said to me.

Why did I even letting him get under my skin? He was clearly just trying to get to me. But what he said about insanity…was that really what I was doing? Severus and I had tried to be together and it didn't work and now we were trying to be friends. That wasn't the same thing, not even close.

My thought was broken when a giggling couple already ran by me, hand in hand.

It made me envious; I never had that with anyone, not even Severus. But I understood that Severus wasn't the type to run hand in hand giggling or show his emotions very much at all. To be honest, I felt closer to him now than I did before.

I made my way back into the ball, my mind felt a little more refreshed then when I left. I decided to put whatever Karkaroff had said behind me and try to have fun.

I kept trying to catch Severus but he seemed to disappear every time I caught sight of him. So I danced with a few of the Professors and then had a bit to snack on. It was a few hours in when I finally got to speak to Severus again.

"Thank you for the dance before." I smiled at him. "I appreciate it."

"A promise is a promise."

"Well would you like to dance again Severus?"

He was about to say something when we spotted two students running outside, hand in hand. He gave a small groan and then turned to me. "I suppose duty is calling."

"It's alright, I am going to bed anyways. Have a fun night."

"Doubtful." He told me. "Oh and Katharine. You do look very nice tonight."

My heart did a flip flop and I watched as he walked away. I couldn't help but feel what I was feeling, this was the man I loved with all of my heart. I knew there had to be something there even if he wouldn't admit it.

I made my way to my rooms, my heart still unable to beat properly and I sunk into my bed.

That night, like the others, I dreamed of Severus.

Somehow, I still had my hope.


	12. If I Had You

After the Yule Ball, the rest of the winter break went by quickly and soon the next term began. Of course no one was thrilled to be back, instead all the students seemed to be able to talk about was the next task.

I had heard several different rumors about which champion knew about the next task and which one didn't. I didn't care too much about that, more so about what the task would be. Only a few people seemed to have the inside scoop and I wasn't one of them.

So I occupied myself with my teaching instead.

Severus and myself seemed to be getting along better than ever since I gave him his Christmas present. When he unwrapped it he seemed really surprised and thanked me for my thoughtfulness.

"Watch though," I grabbed it from his hands and shook the globe. "Look how beautiful it looks now. Isn't it just wonderful? I thought it looked like your home Severus. It's originally why it caught my eye."

He apologized for not having anything for me but the next day there was a wrapped present on my bed. It was a very rare potions book that I had been searching months for.

"Thank you so much. You really didn't have to do that for me Severus." I held the book closely to my chest. "Honestly I don't know how you found this!"

"I have my connections but I am glad you like it. It will be very helpful as you advance more in your potion work." He gave me a small smile, making it hard for me to breathe.

"Yes of course!"

He was right, it did help a lot. I had learned how to brew two new potions to perfection over the holidays.

It helped my teaching as well; walking into the class I felt as if I had become a different person. Someone who knew what they were doing and had a great amount to knowledge to give. I wasn't entirely sure what had made me feel this way but I knew that I loved the feeling.

It was only a few days into the term when something very troubling came to me. I had caught one of the Slytherin students laughing over an article in the Daily Prophet. When I took it from them and scanned it over, I had realized that Hagrid has become the latest victim of Rita Skeeter's terror.

I made it a point to head over to Hagrid's hut at the end of the day.

I had found out throughout the day that Hagrid had refused to attend to his classes and was locking himself up in his hut. He was a wreck when I had went to see him and had been drinking a lot. He offered me a small drink which he ended up making a little too big but to be polite, I took it anyways.

"Hagrid it's going to be alright. Don't let Skeeter get to you." I tried to comfort him.

"Oh Katharine," his accent was heavier than usual with his drunkenness. "I'm ruined! I can't go back to teaching now! I gotta resign…." The rest I couldn't understand as he took another sip of his drink and mumbled away.

"Don't go doing that Hagrid, the students love you. Harry, Ron and Hermione all think you're a great Professor!"

"Yeah but I can't keep pretending to be someone else; I'm half giant and I always will be. Maybe it is time to move on with my life and go do something else."

I continued to finish my drink and talk with Hagrid until he had just about passed out and made my way back up to the castle. What Hagrid had said made me think back to Karkaroff speaking to be at the ball and what he had said. It wasn't the same thing, I knew that but it still felt like it all applied to my life somehow.

Severus had made it very clear that we weren't going to be together because of what he did and because he didn't want to put me in danger. Yet I sat here and stayed in the same situation, acting like a child that needed protecting. Severus and I would never be together if I didn't change things the way they were how.

The question was how I could make him see me as a woman who he didn't need to protect.

The answer didn't come to me as quickly or easily as I thought it would.

So I continued to spend my days teaching, trying to make conversations with Severus and reading my new potions book.

In my head, I knew I should be happy with what I had; it was so simple, so relaxing and it was almost everything I had wanted in my life. But the one thing I was missing in that, was the one thing that I wanted the most out of everything.

Severus.

I wished that I had someone to talk to but I knew there was no one. My mother would put her nose up and make some rude comment while Addison (who still did not know about myself and Severus) would not be impressed either. So I was stuck, to my own thoughts and my own ideas.

I didn't realize how much time had passed until students begin to talk about the second task that would be happening in less than a week.

We had a staff meeting right before where I was curious to see if anyone would hint at what the task might be; a golden egg that screeched when you opened it wasn't much of a hint in my opinion. No one let anything slip, not even Minerva who seemed a little on edge.

"Are you alright?"

"Oh I 'm fine dear." She grabbed my shoulder and squeezed. "It's just these games aren't to be taken lightly. Some people don't always make it through safely."

I knew she was really worried about Harry; the boy had been one of her favorite since he started (despite the trouble he got into) and to see anything happen to him would crush her I was sure of it. I knew for a fact she had no children, so it was almost like she saw him as her son in a way.

"He will make it." I reassured her. "He's been through so much already. He's tough enough for it."

"It's not being tough enough that I am worried about."

Her tone made me nervous for Harry as well, but he wasn't the only one I was worried about. Severus had been acting strange lately and even though I told him he could talk to me, he still kept her thoughts to himself.

"Severus," I put some papers I had graded down on his desk after class with third years. "Your making me nervous you know."

"I told you Katharine that it is nothing." He didn't look up at me.

"What can I do to make you trust me?" I hated getting upset with him, even a little, but at this point I couldn't help it. "You can't do this by yourself."

He stood up slowly and finally looked me in the eye. "I've done it for this long Katharine. Now stay out of it."

I should have said more but didn't. I backed away from his desk and left the room. I didn't bring it up anymore but I began to feel sick. I thought back to the Quidditch World Cup with the Death Eaters; Severus had to be like them a long time ago and if The Dark Lord came back, it would start all over again.

What would I do if that happened?

I couldn't sleep well that night; my mind was swimming with thoughts of Severus leaving and never being able to see him again. I pictured him having to kill people, bowing in front of what I thought The Dark Lord may look like.

Did he have to kill before? Did he ever hurt someone he cared about? What if The Dark Lord came back and asked him to kill me? Would he do it or would he die protecting me?

I woke up the next morning feeling awful and barely made it to class. I don't think anyone really noticed though, barely any of the students were paying attention to their studies at this point. By the time lunch came around, I didn't want to do anything but head back to bed.

I almost didn't stop when Harry came up to me asking to talk in private. I gave in quickly though and lead him to my office where I shut the door and we both sat down.

"Now Harry, how can I help you?"

"Miss Keeler, you told me you knew a lot about dragons but do you know anything about merpeople?" He was hesitant to get the question out.

"Yes Harry I do know a bit. What is it you need to know?"

"Well that's the thing," he started. "I'm not sure what I should know. I think it would be best to know it all. I know there are book but I just want to make sure I know everything there is to know…"

I stopped him when a thought popped into my mind. I was pretty sure that this had to do with the next task and not homework. I knew that there were merpeople in the Black Lake and it had taken me a minute to remember which type were in their exactly.

"There are three known types of merpeople Harry," I stood up and walked over to my small stack of books I had collected over the years. "The siren, the selkie and the merrow."

"Which ones are in the Black Lake?" I turned to him with a smile and a book in my hand that I had pulled out from the pile.

"Well you see," I sat down and flipped the pages into I got to the one I want. "The black lake colony are selkies, far more pleasing on the eyes then merrows but less appealing then sirens."

"Selkies are said to live as seals but they shed they will take a human form to come onto land to find human lovers. Of course if a human was to be near them in water, I would imagine they would take some other form then a seal." I thought back a moment to when the last time I heard or saw about the merpeople in the Black Lake.

"Also I believe the leader may still be Murcus. But they wouldn't hurt anyone unless they felt the need too. At least not the ones who are on Hogwarts grounds."

I passed him over my book and dog eared the page for him.

"Take it, see what else you may need to find in there and then just bring it back to me."

He closed the book then, took it into his arms. "Thanks Professor."

"No problem Harry."

As he left, I felt my mood brighten. At least now I had some idea about what the second task was.

* * *

It was chilly the morning of the second task; we were all instructed to meet up at the shore of the Black Late to wait for the task to start. As more and more people showed up, I took note that Ron and Hermione weren't there to support Harry. As Harry arrived, he seemed to notice this as well.

As Dumbledore began his speech regarding the second task, Severus showed up beside me and I nodded at him as to say hello.

"This one shouldn't be as easy for Potter." He snickered.

"I know you dislike him but must you wish death on him?" I asked, looking over at him.

"I didn't wish for his death, simply for him to be maimed or harmed slightly in the process of this task."

The canon sounded which told everyone the task had begun. The four champions had to retrieve something that was special to them from the bottom of the Black Lake. I held my arms against my chest and didn't look over at him this time. "Why do you hate him so much?"

He didn't answer me.

"You didn't like him even before he stepped into your classroom. I just don't get it." I kept my voice low for his sake; I knew no one was paying attention to us.

"Leave it be Katharine." His tone was hushed but harsh.

I didn't say anything else to him after that. But we still stood side by side, waiting for a champion to rise from the water. The hour went by slowly, as everyone waited, quietly chatting amongst themselves. It wasn't until Cedric appeared with Cho Chang at his side that anyone began to cheer. Cedric had come in first but still was one minute outside of the hour time limit. Viktor was the next one, only a few minutes later (with Hermione in his arms) and Fleur was next (though she had no brought anyone back with her).

I started to worry when Harry hadn't arrived still a few minutes after Fleur; Minerva was wringing her hands together and I felt the need to do the same thing.

"There they are!" someone yelled seeing Ron and Fleur's little sister come up from the water.

"Where is Harry?" everyone asked one another.

Finally, what felt like forever, Harry appeared and by the look on his face, he knew he had come up last. Everyone was focused on the champions but I noticed Dumbledore talking to Murcus for a few minutes then coming back to where all four champions stood.

Dumbledore waved his hands for a second. "Attention! Attention! The winner of this task is Cedric Diggory!"

The crowd roared with excitement as Cedric smiled and waved at them.

Dumbledore continued. "The way I see it, Mr Potter would have finished first had it not been for his determination to rescue not only Mr Weasly but the others as well. We've agreed to award him second place! For outstanding moral fibre"

Everyone cheered even more excitedly; now it seemed we would have a Hogwarts champion since Cedric and Harry were both now tied for first place.

I went to say something to Severus finally but when I turned, he had already left. I didn't see him anywhere in sight and couldn't help but sigh.

"Did you see that Professor?" one of the Weasly twins came up and put his arm around my shoulder. The other one trailed behind him and did the same thing. "Yeah bet you didn't see that one coming."

"Hello boys." I looked back and forth between the two of them. "No I don't suppose anyone was expecting it were they?"

"The better for us!" one of them exclaimed. "People had a lot of bets going. No one was expecting Harry to come in second though!"

"Next time Professor we will make sure we come to you with our odds."

"Don't worry boys, I'm not the betting type." I told them.

"Hear that George, she ain't the betting type! Bet we can fix that."

I shook my way out of their arms. "Alright boys, have fun with your winnings."

"See you later Professor!" they said at the same time.

I was thankful for the twins at that moment. They made me forget that Severus had walked away, leaving before even saying goodbye.

* * *

It was little over a week later when something happened that I think honestly changed everything for me. I was helping Severus in his class by grading some papers while he taught. It was fourth year Gryffindor and Slytherin which, was always a joy.

Some article, I had yet to see, had come out regarding Hermione, Viktor and Harry in some love triangle and the Slytherin's couldn't get enough of it. Pansy handed Hermione and copy and began to mock her.

Severus was over there quicker than a snap of the fingers and grabbed the article. He began to read aloud from it and then separated the Golden Trio. It was then that Karkaroff walked in demanding to talk to Severus.

He waited around until the end of class and Severus took him to the corner of the room where they talked in hushed voices. I noticed Karkaroff was holding his arm and speaking very frantically; Severus blew him off and told him to leave but I knew something was wrong. When he had left I stood in front of Severus and just looked at him for a minute.

"Please tell me what is wrong." I was scared for him and I knew how tough it would be doing this alone. "Severus I want to help you."

He didn't respond to me and looked as if I didn't say anything.

"Severus if he…" My mind had went to frightening places; the Dark Lord returning and creating chaos all over again. Severus being caught in the crossfire as a double agent. "If he is coming back I want to help you however I can."

Severus finally looked up at me but his eyes were not anywhere close to happy. He jumped up before I could say anything else.

"You stupid girl." He grabbed my arm and dragged me to the door. "How many time do I have to tell you to stay out of it? I don't want or need your help with anything!" He gritted his teeth together and his voice was raised.

I tried to get something out but couldn't. He was angry and I didn't know how to react.

"Get out Katharine and NEVER ask me about this again!" He pushed me out and slammed the door behind me. I felt tears begin to form, threatening to fall, so I made my way to my rooms as quickly as my feet would take me.

I collapsed onto my bed and let out a sob; it wasn't just a cry for the fact that he had been angry with me but I was also so afraid for what might happen. I knew there was no way he would let me in to help him and I didn't know what else to do.

I sat there for a while, looking up at the ceiling, thankful I didn't have any more classes today (though I probably would have stayed in my room anyways). I felt my heart beginning to race when I couldn't find an answer my problem. My gut told me Severus would be leaving soon, not just physically but mentally as well.

I couldn't lose him, not like this. It felt like I needed him more than I needed air.

But how could I be there for him and not lose him if he wouldn't let me in or even talk to me about the issue. He didn't want me to ask ever again about any of it and I couldn't sit there and just wait for him to come to me.

It was more than that though.

Severus could never truly be with me with all this responsibility and danger circling around him; I kept telling myself it was possible but now I knew it was true. When I thought about it all, I felt scared and sick, so how would I be able to help him. I told myself if there was a way, no matter what the cost, I would do it. This was the man I love, the man I would do anything for, the man who if he jumped off a cliff I would follow him. No matter what he did, I would follow him.

Then it all clicked together.

In an instant, everything had become clearer than I had ever seen it before. It was like I had found the missing piece of the puzzle and everything made sense. All this time, the answer had been looking me dead in the face waiting for me to find it.

I had promise myself that no matter what happened and no matter the cost, I would follow Severus, even down the darkest parts of his life. This whole time I thought that meant being there for him but I knew now how wrong I was. I couldn't just be there for him, I had to be able to understand him and what he was going through.

I knew then that in order to stay by Severus's side I would have to find it in myself to become something that I had every reason to fear.

I had to become a Death Eater.


	13. One More Night

I expected that a good night's sleep would make things more clear; that I would have somehow talked myself out of the decision I had come to. But if anything, it just made me more confident in my choice. All night I dreamt of Severus standing in front of me, looking down at me on my knees looking helpless and weak. I would reach out to him but for some reason I couldn't get to him.

Walking down the halls, I felt alive again, like I had a purpose. I had almost given up all hope that I would be with Severus again and now the fight was back in me, I knew there was still a chance.

I hadn't really talked to Severus since he yelled at me (aside from in class which, was barely talking) and normally I would be depressed and upset but now I didn't even care. Soon enough we could be together so not being close to him for a bit didn't matter to me.

I was teaching better, I was making jokes in class. I was happier then I had been in weeks.

It only took a few days though, for the high of my newfound happiness to wear off. I now realized that I had an even bigger issue than before. Coming to the conclusion of being a Death Eater was one thing but how to go about it was an entirely different story.

I couldn't go to Severus that was for sure. He didn't even want to think about Death Eaters let alone talk about them. There was only a handful of people I knew that could help me and that was if the rumors about The Dark Lord returning were true. But I had a good feeling that sooner or later it would happen.

Then even if I figure out which person to go through, there was the issue of convincing everyone that I was like them when I wasn't anything like them.

My best friend was a muggle, my mother was good friends with the Minister of Magic. It would take a lot of acting on my par, something I wasn't skilled at.

My mind was circling ideas, finding problems with them, seeing that they were dumb and tossing them from my brain. I would picture the dark mark on my arm, wondering how much it would hurt to get one. Even during classes, the thoughts plagued my brain. So much so that it took me a few minutes to notice something was different.

"Professor." One of the students caught my attention and pointed to the door. "There is someone knocking."

I stopped and heard the knocking too.

"You may enter!"

When the door opened I stopped dead in my tracks; my best friends stood at the door smiling brightly. It had been so long since I had seen her and it felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I felt my face smiling brightly.

"Addy!" I waved to her to come to my office and then turned to the students. "Finish reading to the end of the chapter. We will discuss it when I'm done."

Addison followed me into my office and sat down across from my desk. I took my seat and couldn't stop smiling. "What are you doing here?"

She leaned back and crossed her arms. "Well for one I haven't heard from you in weeks. You mother apparently hasn't either, she started owling me thinking you were ignoring her. You really don't know the second reason do you?"

"No." I shook my head. "Addison what is this…"

"Katharine it's your birthday!"

It took me back for a second and then I turned to my calendar and saw that indeed it was March 9th. Somehow I had managed to forget my own birthday.

"Oh it is isn't it?"

"You need to stop working so hard Katharine! We should go out tonight!" In that moment I realized how much I missed my best friend and I went over and hugged her tight.

"I suppose we can. Just let me talk to Severus and see if he will let me off for tomorrow." I let her go. "I need to get back though. Head up to my room, the password is butter beer. I will be there in a half an hour or so."

"Alright," she turned to head out of the room then stopped. "Severus?"

My breath got caught in my throat and for a minute I wasn't sure what was going to happen next.

Addison began to laugh. "You have been working with the guy way too long."

I let out the breath I was holding and told her how to get to my rooms. As walked through the classroom she gave me one more wave and then was gone. The students had watched her leave and then turned back to me.

"Who was that professor?"

I felt my smile return. "That's was my good friend I've known since I was your age. Now let's review what you read this chapter."

The class went by slowly, probably due to the fact that I wanted to get out of there as soon as I could. On the way to my rooms, I stopped by Severus's classroom and was glad to see he was still sitting at his desk. He glanced up at me and I swore a saw a look cross his face, one I hadn't seen from him before.

"Come in." I walked quickly over to his desk, I didn't want Addison to be waiting too long for me.

"I was wondering if you could give me the day off tomorrow." He put his quill and looked up at me.

"For what reason?"

"It's my birthday and my friend is here. She would like to celebrate for the night."

He didn't do anything for a second then he picked his quill back up and looked down at whatever he had been doing. "I suppose that would be alright."

"Thank you." I turned on my heel and headed out the door.

I fought the urge to look over my shoulder even though I felt his eyes watching me walk away.

* * *

When I arrived to my rooms Addison was laying back on my bed with a book in hand and it wasn't just any book. It was the one Severus has given to me for Christmas.

When she saw me, she sat up and put the book down.

"Cool book, not my thing though. Where'd you get that one?"

I came and took a seat beside her. "A bookstore in town."

"Nice, must have been a pricey one."

"Yes it was. So what were the plans for tonight?" I steered her away from the book.

Like I had hoped, she took the bait and began to talk about going out for a light supper and then drinking until we couldn't see straight anymore. I was hesitant about the whole thing and in true Addison fashion, she talked me into it with guilt.

"Come on Katharine, I came all the way up here to see you! I even told Van off because he didn't want me to come." She looked at me with puppy dog eyes. "Please!"

I let out a sigh. Somehow this felt more like her birthday then mine. "Oh alright."

We took our time getting ready; Addison had brought an outfit for me which seemed to fit perfectly other than it being a little short. I let her do my hair and makeup as part of my 'birthday gift' and when she had finished with herself we stood side by side looking in the mirror.

We appeared to be polar opposites standing side by side; her light hair was cut off at her shoulders and her dark eyes somehow sparkled brightly. Her dress flowed down to her knees and was a black color. Despite her dress color, she managed to somehow look like an angel, gracing me with her presence.

Then there was me.

While everything on Addison look pure, somehow the white dress that clung to my skin only made me look darker than ever. My hair had been straightened out and fell below my chest and my light eyes popped out the most due to the thick amounts of black makeup on my eyes.

I knew I looked beautiful, I couldn't even begin to deny it. But there was something else, something cold and dark about my piecing stare. Something I hadn't noticed until that very moment.

"You look so good Katharine."

I faced Addison and put on my best smile despite my mixed feelings surrounding my appearance. She didn't seemed to notice anything different about me so maybe there wasn't anything that was different.

"So do you."

She gave herself another quick check over in the mirror and grabbed my arm playfully. "Let's get out of here."

We grabbed out coats and shoes and left my room.

Somehow, we made our way out of the castle avoiding almost all the students. The few we did see were the ones who wouldn't care that they saw one of their professors dressed in tight, skimpy clothing with a pound of makeup on.

Hogsmade was the closest and easy place to get too and Addison pulled me into the first bar she seen. It hadn't been as empty as I expect and instead of sitting at a table, she took a seat right at the bar.

"What about food?" I asked her.

"A shot for good luck."

After the second shot I convinced her to let us eat. We went to my favorite pub in Hogsmade and got our dinner quicker than I expected. Addison ordered us two drinks to go with our meal, some fruity concoction before I could object.

"To my greatest friend in the world! To being thirty two!" she laughed and raised her glass.

I clanged my glass against her and took a drink.

The meal and first drink went by in a short amount of time and soon enough the sun had set; Addison and I had now gone through a decent amount of drinks (her more than me) and she was aching for a change. We left the pub and walked into the next door we found that had a bar behind it.

"So," her words slurred slightly. "What's going on with you and Snape?"

I felt my cheeks flush. "Nothing."

My own voice sounded just as bad as hers. "Don't give me that shit Katharine. How long have I known you? All the sudden you are calling him by his first name? He is giving you presents…" I went to object but she stopped me. "Don't even- a potions book? The book cost more than you would ever spend on yourself and I know your mother didn't get it for you."

I went to speak but couldn't find the words. I finished off the last of my drink and asked for another. "I'm sorry, I should have told you."

"Damn right you should of!" I kept my eyes to the ground until I felt her lean over. "But I still love you even if you have a huge crush on the grimiest man in the world. You guys do it?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and she laughed finishing her own drink. "At least tell me he got you off! I doubt that guy has any experience."

I looked over at her with a shy smile. "Yes he did."

She continued to ask me questions and it felt nice to have someone to finally talk too though I didn't tell her the extent of my feelings. I drank more, trying to calm my nerves about talking about Severus.

"You don't want to be with him do you?" The question I knew that was coming.

I looked at her straight in the face. I knew that this would be the question that would change it all for her. So what that I had a crush on him or that I slept with him. Being in a relationship though, was a whole other ball game.

"No."

She threw her head back and laughed loudly. "Thank god! I don't know what I would do if that happened!"

"Addison?" a voice startled us both and we turned around. Behind us stood Van, with a concerned look on his face. Addison got up and walked over to her but then stumbled and landed on her face.

"What are you doing here?" If I hadn't had almost as many drinks as her, I probably wouldn't have been able to understand as well.

He picked her up and kept her steady. "You asked me to come get you tonight, figuring you and Katharine would be too drunk to get anywhere on your own. Come on let's go."

"But…Katharine…birthday." She was starting to pass out.

Van looked back at me. "I can come back for you."

I looked at the clock seeing it was still a decent hour and waved my hand. "Have fun with her, I can make it back on my own."

He nodded and then suddenly the kind hearted Van disappeared for a moment and a smile crossed his face. The same smile he had worn while seeing me off to Hogwarts. I felt a shiver go through my body and he put his mask back up.

"Happy birthday Katharine."

Against my better judgement, I forced myself to forget about the smile again.

Being alone for the first time all night however made thoughts that I had pushed away before come racing back into my mind; becoming a Death Eater, being with Severus. I finished down the last of my drink quickly and asked for a shot.

"On the house, for your birthday." He slid it over to me and I downed it quickly.

I drank in silence and let my mind wander freely, knowing I would not be able to control it anyways. I went through options in my mind again, somehow believing that being drunk would make it easier on myself.

Surprisingly enough it did. I wasn't fearful of the task at hand, I was just clear minded on what I wanted. I wasn't sure how long it took me to figure something out until I looked at the clock and saw a few hours had passed.

I knew what to do. I was ready.

I finished my last drink and stood up with the intention of heading back to the castle; my feet felt heavy and off balance. I stumbled but somehow made it to the door. I recall saying goodbye to the bar tender who just shook his head and laughed at me leaving.

Despite Hogwarts appearing to be far away, I felt light every step I took back. The walk felt quicker in comparison to the walk down though I am pretty sure it wasn't. I stumbled through the hallways, trying to make my way back to my rooms. I knew I wasn't being very quiet and I knew I could barely walk straight anymore but that didn't stop me.

"What the hell are you doing?" I froze at the voice that came from nowhere and looked around until I spotted the person standing in the shadows.

I felt my head tilt a little. "Going to my room. What are you doing?"

He stepped out further so I could see who it was. Cold eyes stared back at me but the alcohol pumping through my veins made me gutsy. I wasn't going to back down, not tonight at least. Tonight was my night.

"Trying to find out who was walking around here like an idiot. I expected one of the students frolicking around like a dunderhead but I suppose I should have known better," Severus took another step forward. "You seem to act like a child every time you are drunk."

I felt the anger flare inside of me. "Better than having a permanent stick shoved up my ass."

Before I could try to take it back, he grabbed my arm and pulled me in the opposite direction I was going. Neither of us said anything as he dragged me up some stairs and took me down some halls until we finally reached what I knew to be the entrance to my rooms.

"Now do you think you can make it in without making a ruckus?" he hadn't let go of me yet. His touch was burning my skin.

"Do you think you can treat me with a little bit of respect?" My anger hadn't disappeared yet.

He tightened his grip. "Whenever you decide to stop acting like a small child about something so meaningless."

We both knew what he was talking about. This wasn't just about me being drunk anymore, this went deeper now.

"I'm sorry are we still talking about me frolicking around like a dunderhead?" I quoted him sarcastically. "Or is there something else you need to get off your chest?"

He shoved me into the wall besides my door and we locked eyes. "You need to stop this Katharine."

"I don't have to do anything that I don't want to do."

I expected him grip to tighten on me but it didn't. Instead his lips crashing down onto mine with what I could only describe as some intense furry. I couldn't help myself; I wrapped my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss and felt his tongue graze mine.

I wanted more but when I reached over to open my door, he pulled away.

I felt like crying and dancing all at the same time.

"Happy birthday Katharine."

Then he was gone.

My body felt numb but I could feel the madness growing inside of me. He couldn't keep doing this to me I thought. But then I realize he could because I kept letting him do it.

I tore into my room and sat down at my desk; I grabbed three pieces of parchment and dipped my quill into the ink. I felt my hand writing three different letters but I wasn't entirely aware of what I was writing.

After I had finished I let my owl out of the cage, sealed the letters and attached the longest one to my owl's foot. I stroked her feathers for a moment and she stared at me with wide eyes.

"I will wait up for you, take this first letter to Lucius Malfoy."

I opened the window to let her out and she flew away gracefully. I left the window open a crack, expecting her to come back and I made my way to the bed. I flopped down and cuddled into the blankets, telling myself I would only close my eyes for a few moments.

I didn't even realize I had fallen asleep until the sunlight was shining into my now freezing cold room.


	14. Clarity

My head was pounding and my body was cold; for a minute I forgot where I was and how I got there. I sat up and saw the two letters sitting on my desk then I looked over and saw the window was open. I rubbed my eyes and stretch before getting up to shut the window.

When I looked down at the letters I saw one had been addressed to Addison and one to my mother. My curiosity got the best of me and I tore open both letters. They both had the same thing scrawled on them.

_Would you still love me no matter what I do?_

I ran my fingers across the words and my head began to spin. Would they still love me even if I became a Death Eater? I left the letters on my desk and headed for the bathroom to take a shower.

Slowly the events of the night came back to me including the kiss I shared with Severus. I wasn't sure how I was going to react to him when I saw him today. I didn't know how he was going to react to me. Was it going to make things better or worse?

I really didn't know.

Another thing that came back to me was the letter I wrote to Lucius. I didn't remember what I exactly wrote but I knew I had sent him something. Somehow, last night, I had come to the conclusion that Lucius was the only person I could turn to and the person who I could trick the easiest. He wouldn't be paying attention to my face or even to what I was saying; he would focus on my lips, my chest and my legs.

I took my time in the shower, knowing I didn't have any classes to worry about today. When I got out, the pounding in my head had almost completely stopped and my stomach growled. I looked at the clock and realized if I hurried, I would be able to make it for lunch.

I dressed in something comfortable and made my way down to the Great Hall. I took my usual spot at the table and a few of the professors asked me how my birthday was. I briefly explained how Addison made an appearance and that we went out for a few drinks.

I didn't even notice when Severus sat down beside me until I looked over. He didn't look at me; he seemed to be focusing on his meal.

"Severus Katharine was just telling us what a good night she had. Did you know it was her birthday yesterday?"

For a second, I thought he was going to say something about him catching me staggering through the halls last night. I played out the scene in my mind; he was snicker and glance over in my direction with some snide comment regarding me.

But he didn't.

Instead he glanced over and nodded. "Yes I was aware."

I wanted to say something but didn't. Instead I turned away from him and continued to talk while eating. If he didn't want to say anything regarding last night, then neither would I.

After lunch I headed back up to my room but I took my time; I took in everything that was surrounding me and ran my hand over the wall. Sending that letter to Lucius meant I was one step closer to loosing this all.

Hogwarts had been my home for over half of my life; it was where I met my best friend, where I had figured out what I wanted to do with my life and found that someone I wanted to spend my life with. My thoughts trailed back to Severus.

Was he worth giving up my home for?

My lips began to tingle with the fog of last night's kiss taking over my mind. That kiss was filled with more passion then he had ever shown me before. I had only dreamt of a kiss like that when I was younger and trying to look into my future.

I dreamt of finding a man that I loved and being with him regardless of his flaws. Though I didn't think it would be this extensive, I told myself it didn't matter. I would accept him no matter what.

He was worth it. Regardless of the consequences.

When I arrived back in my room, the letters I had written before stuck out to me like an elephant in the room. I folded them back into envelopes and readdressed them. I walked to the owlery (which wasn't too far away from my rooms) and found two owls to attach the letters to.

I watched as both flew away into the sky and the words in the letter echoed throughout my mind.

_Would you still love me no matter what I do?_

* * *

Life went on normally and Severus and I seemed to be back in the familiar pattern we had been at before, when we were seeing each other. It felt comforting but wrong at the same time. Was he just being like this because he didn't want me to bring up the kiss?

I was choosing to not bring it up either way.

I hadn't received a response for anyone for a few weeks so I was eager when two letters had been dropped in front of me. I opened the first one from my mother, deciding to get the worst response over with first. As expected, there was a decently sized letter written in my mother's elegant handwriting.

_Katharine,_

_What is the meaning of all of this? I haven't heard from you in months and now all the sudden, you send me a letter like that? I am afraid of what is happened to you up at Hogwarts. You use to send me a letter once a week at least letting me know thing were okay but now? Nothing. I don't know what to think anymore Katharine. You have me worried._

_Things have being going fine up here, I have been having lunch with the Minister once a week and he's been keeping me up on all the latest news._

_I heard that the Tri Wizard tournament is going well. I also heard that Harry Potter is doing very well so far and is tied with the other Hogwarts champion. I can only assume that you have been helping Harry the best you can since you sudden fondness for the boy after the Qudditch World Cup._

_How are things going with Severus Snape? I am eager to see how that man has decided to treat my daughter lately._

_Hope to hear from you soon,_

_Mother_

_Ps. To answer your question, you are my daughter, my flesh and blood. I have loved you since before I saw you for the first time. I will love you with all my heart despite the choices you may make in your life._

For once I was glad that I had written to my mother. I had expected her to give me more of a hard time but surprisingly she was easier on me than usual. Herlast words made tears threaten to leave my eyes and I sighed. I folded up the letter and stuck in back in the envelope then turned to the second letter from Addison.

_Hey Katharine!_

_Did you write this when you were drunk? Your handwriting is awful! Either way, of course I will always love you no matter what happens! I'm your best friend and I will always be here for you no matter what! If there is something bugging you please just let me know._

_I told you I don't care about the Snape thing. Is this what all of this is about?_

_Write back soon!_

_Addy._

Half of me hoped that she hadn't remembered about Severus and I but half of me hoped she had. I was happy to see that she was still saying she didn't care about my love for Severus (though she was under the impression it was a crush) and I told myself to make sure that I write them back as soon as I could.

I was surprised I still hadn't heard from Lucius yet but I kept telling myself that it was because he lived further away than my mother or Addison did. Either that or my owl got lost on the way or even got caught in a storm.

I didn't let myself think that he wouldn't help me.

So instead I focused on writing lesson plans and figuring out some way I could avoid the Weasley's twin's pranks on April fool's day which, was coming up in the next few days.

As the days went on, I felt calm about everything which was odd to me because I expected to feel more on edge. I spent my free times sitting outside, watching the snow begin to disappear and writing letters to Addison. Her life was almost as bleak as mine; the most exciting thing to happen to her lately was that her favorite mirror fell off the wall and broke.

I could almost hear her laugh as I told her about sitting with the black crows as the cawed around me almost as to ask me what I was doing.

_Honestly Katharine, making friends with crows? Do I need to come visit you again?_

I smiled and folded the letter up again with a small sigh.

I jumped slightly when someone took a seat beside me. I turned and saw Severus staring out the way I had been a few minutes ago.

"Hello Severus, is there something I can do for you?"

He didn't look at me. "I don't know what you are up to Katharine but I am getting an odd feeling it is something you shouldn't be messing around with."

"I'm not doing anything." I lied still waiting for him to make eye contact.

"Katharine I'm not an idiot." He finally faced me. "All the sudden you stopped doing what you do…."

"Which is what exactly?" I felt the urge to cross my arms.

He glared at my interrupted. "I don't think I need to explain your childish antics to you. You don't just stop trying, it's not like you. So I am going to say this to you, stop it now Katharine. Forget whatever notion has materialized in your mind and go back to being delightfully clueless."

Even when he was trying to sound helpful he still managed to be an arrogant jerk. I stood up and brushed a bit of snow that had fallen on my robe. "If there was any scheme in my head it wouldn't be any concern of yours. Not only that if I had put my mind to something who even said you could change it."

I began to walk away and he grabbed my wrist. "Katharine do you realize what these people are capable of? The Dark Lord is sadistic and unforgiven; he would take pleasure in something that would cause you pain for years. He would make you kill your best friend just for a laugh. How can you be so brainless to not see the danger?"

"Is that what he did to you?" I snapped shaking my wrist away from him. "Made you kill your best friend for a laugh?"

I expected a shot back but he became silent. My stomach twisted in a knot and I felt horrible; he looked away from me for a moment then stared at me straight in the eyes.

"He did didn't he?"

"No, he killed her himself." I was surprised to hear his best friend was a female but didn't say anything about it. "That's what made me become a double agent."

I couldn't help it; I reached out for him and pulled him into my arms. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry just promise me you will quit whatever you have planned." He was reluctant but hugged me back gently.

"I…" I wanted to promise him but the words wouldn't come out. I pulled away from him and began to walk away feeling my tears turn cold. I didn't give him a chance to stop him and I don't think he would have even if I gave him the opportunity.

I ended up in my rooms and I locked the door to ensure no one would bug me. I paced around my room while running my fingers through my hair, trying to get myself to calm down.

I knew I should listen to Severus, trust what he was saying was true but I knew that if I did that, any relationship we could have would never be what I wanted from him. I stopped pacing when I caught a glance of myself in the mirror.

The last time I studied myself was when Addison had come for my birthday. I had the same look in my eyes that scared me the last time but now it was more intense. I threw off my robe and looked down at my arm, picture a mark that matched Severus's.

"I can do this." I tried to tell myself. "I have to do this."

I tried to look evil but it ended up looking pathetic; I thought about Severus and the look just go worse. The tears suddenly came back to my eyes and I began to cry. I knew I couldn't do this, not the way things were going now. I wasn't tough, I wasn't evil and I really don't think I had the strength to kill anybody.

I banged my head lightly against the mirror, trying not to look at myself out of embarrassment.

I had been this way as long as I could remember; weak, pathetic and did as I was told. Even though I fought Severus tooth and nail about my plans, half of my mind had already caved to his demands. He must have had some idea what I was going to do. Then again he also probably knew that I would be laughed at and turned away instantly.

But then why would he be mad about it.

Did he think I was endangering him or even myself? Did he think that the Dark Lord will kill me the minute I showed up, wanting to join them. But then did he really expected me to get to that point at meeting him?

Then a switch flicked on in my mind.

Maybe the problem wasn't that he didn't think I could do it. Maybe the problem was that he thought that I could. The more I thought about it, the more it made sense. Yes Death Eaters were thought to be vicious and ruthless but there was one key skill they required. A skill that many I am sure found hard to have. Something I excelled at more than anyone else I knew.

They needed to be submissive.

I felt my body tingle with excitement. I could do this. I was pure blooded and was extremely skilled with potions and magical creature. I would do as I was told and would remain faithful to the Dark Lord so long as Severus pretended he was.

As if it was a sign from above, there was a tapping on the window. My owl had come bag and carried a letter tied to its foot. I opened the window, took the letter from her and put her back in the cage with some fresh food and water.

I shut the window and tore open the paper, reading over the letter three times before it registered in my mind. Lucius had responded in the exact way I had expected him too; ten minutes ago I would have threw the letter away but now, now there was no doubt in my mind I could complete the task I set before myself.

_Katharine,_

_I was surprised but extremely delighted to hear from you once again. I thought after our time at the world cup that you would be reluctant to be in contact with me again. Regardless I am very curious on what I can help you with exactly and I will gladly meet with you in the next few weeks._

_Due to my busy schedule the next day I would be able to meet you is May 4_ _th_ _. Shall we meet at Hogs Head around 7:00pm?_

_Lucius Malfoy._

A smile found my lips and I picked up my quill to write back.

_Lucius,_

_May 6_ _th_ _at Hogs Head sounds perfect. See you then at 7pm._

_Katharine._


	15. Cutting the Cord

I wished for the days to go by quickly but instead the days seem to slow down and drag out; I was anxiously awaiting for May 6th to arrive. I went through my mind every night, trying to find the right thing to say when I met with Lucius.

I knew Lucius would be partially blinded but not completely stupid. If I said something that sounded off he would catch it right away and it wouldn't be a good thing.

The long days, the worrying and the amount of mentally energy I was using on the meeting with Lucius was wearing me out. The only thing that gave me a break from everything was the Easter holiday. I got to sleep in for an extra day which was nice

I also made sure to check up on Harry since it had been a couple of weeks since we had talked. I had made sure (like I had told Dumbledore I would) that I was checking up on him to make sure he was okay.

We talked briefly about his school work and about if he had heard anything regarding the last task.

"Have you heard anything Professor?" he asked.

I smiled. "Even if I had Harry I wouldn't be able to tell you."

He shrugged.

"I haven't Harry, I will probably know when you know."

After the holidays everything went back to the normal routine they had before the holidays; I was still mentally exhausted and frustrated with myself, still not being able to figure out how to go about meeting up with Lucius.

I went to bed still feeling extremely wiped out. I changed into a pair of comfortable clothing and let myself sink under the covers; I felt myself drift away and sleep took over my body as quick as it usually did.

The next thing I remembered was being in a dark room dressed in tight clothing with my hair piled on top of my head. I turned and saw my face staring back at me in a mirror; my eyes were rimmed with thick black makeup causing my green eyes to almost glow and my lips matched the blackness of my eyes.

A voice caught my attention and suddenly I was blinded by a light.

"Do it…" it reminded me of a hiss. "Prove your worth to me Katharine."

"What would you like me to do?" I felt frantic inside but my voice sounded colder than I had ever heard it

I heard a chuckle and then I saw Severus standing beside the light; he was smirking at me almost to encourage me to continue.

"Kill…" the voice dragged out.

A figure appeared on their knees before me, crying and begging. It was a voice that I knew but I couldn't place it at the moment. Inside I was shaking but on the outside I heard my cold voice laugh like this was all some game.

"Of course." My wand was in my hand and I raised it.

"Stop!" my voice escaped and then I realized I was now watching the seen from the body I was used to seeing. My other self, dropped her arm and turned to me with a grin that made me afraid for my life. I felt my hands tremble as she advanced on me; Severus was coming up beside her and wrapped his hand around her waist.

"See Katharine, this is what he wants." She gave him a soft kiss on the lips and turned back to me. "He could never be with you while being this weak. Give up Katharine and let me take over from here."

"No!" Tears fell from my eyes and I cowered into a corner. "I will never be like you!"

She chuckled again and in a swift movement, raised her wand and killed the crying girl who was still kneeling. I went to scream when a hand wrapped around my throat, crushing my windpipe. I threw my hand forward trying to claw at my own smiling face.

She looked down at my legs and laughed; she allowed me to look too. Blood stained the front of me and was now dripping down my thigh. I didn't understand why I was bleeding there but for some reason it made my stomach turn. She laughed again and I felt my heart begin to beat faster than it ever had before.

"Let me go." I managed to get out. "Please."

She took her free hand and wiped the tears from my cheek. "Oh Katharine, all you needed to do was give up." I was picked up by the throat and slammed into the mirror causing a cut across my hand; blood poured from the deep wound and fell to the floor.

"Look at yourself Katharine." Everyone else was gone now. It was just me and…well me. "Look at what you have become."

I kept avoiding the mirror, fearful of what I would see. But she forced my head to turn towards the mirror and I shut my eyes. After a few minutes I couldn't help myself; I began to open my eyes slowly and when they were fully opened, I was finally able to let out a scream.

I woke up hearing my own voice screaming; my body was covered in sweat and I could feel the tears on my face. I felt my throat closing up on its own and it became hard to breath. I ran to the mirror and looked into it see the face I knew staring back at me.

I began to calm down and I sank to the floor, putting my head in my hands.

I hadn't ever had a dream that terrified me as much as that one did.

Seeing me, looking like that, it made me feel sick to my stomach. Was that really what I was going to turn into that person who appeared to be me?

I wasn't sure how long I stayed up, sitting there, trying to wrap my mind around everything that I had saw. My body began to feel sluggish again and I dragged myself back under the covers of my bed. I didn't know how I managed too but I feel back to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

I walked around the classroom examining the potions everyone had brewed; I smiled at the progress the second years had made and ended up giving everyone a decent mark. We still had a good amount of time left in class so I asked them to clean up so we could get a head start on the next lesson.

I began to help the students clean up by taking the parts they had used by putting them into the sink to be washed.

I let my mind wander briefly into empty thoughts; piling things was something you could do without thinking about it so I took advantage of the short time. My dream from last night came back to me briefly and I thought about what had happened.

So many questions circled my mind about the dream and why certain things had happened. Was that how Severus really wanted me to be? Who was that hissing voice? Who was that girl, whose cries sounded so familiar yet I couldn't place it? Then there was the bleeding; why had my dream showed me that of all things. Was that my subconscious telling me that I wanted a child and I was crushing any hope by going through with this?

The thought of children had never really crossed my mind. I didn't think I was ready for a child and maybe I wouldn't be ever.

I was pulled back from my thoughts when I felt something odd on my fingers and I looked down at the object I was holding; I could see my dark hair in the reflection but something looked off. My curiosity got the best of me and I leaned in to get a better look.

Suddenly I saw my alto ego from last night staring back at me. She had that same terrifying grin and she winked at me. I could hear her voice in my head 'this is what you are now.'

I threw my hand forward in shock and smashed the object against the sink. Apparently it was made of glass and broke. A searing pain went through my hand and I felt someone touch my arm.

I jumped back fearing the worst and saw one of the students starting back at me.

"Professor are you okay?"

I blinked a few times. "Yes I'm fine. Just an accident."

Another student walked up and pointed at my hand. "Professor you're bleeding."

I finally took a look at my hand and felt the blood drain from my face. My hand was indeed cut; a large gash ran through the centre of it and blood was seeping out and falling to the floor. I had saw this cut before, last night in my dream.

I felt my throat tighten and my breathing became heavy.

"Professor?"

I heard them but I couldn't answer; I watched the blood fall to the floor in the large puddle that already sat there. As if my body had no more strength, I fell to my knee and felt my body go cold. I knew I needed help as my vision begin to blur. I heard the students yelling for someone but at that point I didn't care.

"Professor! Professor!" I was still shaking and breathing heavy when I felt a pair of arms scoop me up from the ground.

I looked up when I felt pressure on my hand; dark eyes looked down on me and it took me a moment to realize who was carrying me.

"Severus…" I could breathe again but I still felt disoriented. My voice sounded meek and I was extremely tired.

"Just be quiet. I'm taking you to see Poppy."

"Severus…" Darkness was beginning to take over my vison. "I'm scared…"

"Katharine…" I saw him touch my face as he began to disappear.

"Katharine!"

Then everything went black.

* * *

"When will she wake up?" the voice startled me and I began to open my eyes. "She's been out for hours now! She should be fine now!"

"Keep your voice down! She obviously needs the sleep and I told you I have no idea when she will wake up!" Poppy's voice stood out to me.

"Please ladies lets calm ourselves." Dumbledore tried to soothe them both. "I am sure Katharine will be waking up soon. You're daughter's cut was quiet deep if I was correctly informed and she lost quite a lot of blood. But she will be fine Evangeline."

"She will not be fine! Ever since she started…" my mother paused. "…finding comfort at Hogwarts, things have not been the same. She barely talks to me then I get some letter from her asking if I will love her regardless of her actions. Now she has landed in the hospital wing! Does that sound fine to you?"

"You talk about her as if she is a child!" Poppy scolded. "This is a grown woman capable of making her own choices!"

"Ladies please. I fear that the arguing has woken up Katharine." I had sat up and he smiled over at me. Both woman turned and my mother quickly walked over; she was not dressed how she would to go out. She must have been lounging at home for an afternoon drink. Her hair tumbled down and it appeared no attempt had been made to put it up as per usual.

"Thank goodness!" my mother stood over me and glared down. "What were you thinking? You have never cut yourself this bad before Katharine."

"It was an accident mother." I dropped my eyes to my bandaged hand. "It's fine."

"You fainted Katharine! You've been out for almost an entire day!"

"Mother I'm fine."

My mother went to say something when Dumbledore interrupted her by placing his hand on her shoulder. "I wonder if I may have a word with Katharine before you two spend some time together."

I could see it in her face, she wanted to say no. Despite being a good friend of the Ministers she still had a great amount of respect for Dumbledore. My mother stood up with a nod and told me she would be back soon.

"Alright I will be in my office if anything is wrong." Poppy scurried off as well.

Dumbledore took the set beside my bed and didn't seem as carefree as he usually did. I knew that this talk wasn't just to check up on me.

"Katharine I know you have just woken up but I feel as this is the best time to talk to you." He began. "Severus has expressed to me concern over a few things regarding you. I have heard from him and your mother of the extent of your relationship together so you will not need to explain."

I remained silent and just nodded to let him know that I heard him. I had always thought Dumbledore had some kind of idea about myself and Severus but to find out he was told by my mother and Severus was a little shocking.

"Severus had told me that your behaviour concerned him and when he talked to you, he fears you will do something that you don't need to do in order to prove yourself. Now with what happened in the classroom, he wasn't sure what to do and asked me if I would talk to you."

I wanted to deny it but lying to Dumbledore felt so wrong, I could barely stand the idea of it.

He continued. "I know that I cannot stop you from doing whatever you feel in necessary but I urge you Katharine to really think through any plan you have and make sure that you are ready to accept the consequences of your actions."

The dream I had flashed through my mind. Was that truly what would be the consequences of my choice to become a Death Eater or was my mind over reacting?

"Thank you Dumbledore," I finally looked at him straight in the eye. "I appreciate the thought by Severus and yourself don't need to worry. I have this under control."

He nodded and stood up. "I hope for your sake that I true Katharine. I trust your judgement though."

I tried my best to smile. "Thank you and I hope my mother didn't cause too much trouble."

He let out a small, hearty laugh. "No of course not. I've known your mother for a long time and I have gotten use to her. Especially when it comes to something as important as her daughter."

He walked to the door and nodded at me. "Have a good day Katharine. Feel better."

I didn't have a chance to think over what he said because my mother ran back in and took the seat Dumbledore had been in moments before. Her eyes went down to my hand and her hands curled into fist.

"I think it's time you come home."

"What?" I shook my head. "I am not coming home mom! I don't need too!"

"Clearly you do Katharine. You've changed ever since you started seeing Severus Snape. Your obsession with him is unhealthy and it needs to stop. That man is going to do nothing but bring you down not lift you up!"

I couldn't take it anymore. "Oh and your obsession with my life is so much better right?"

She stared at me blankly.

"All you do is worry about what is wrong in my life because you don't want to look and your and realize how messed up it is. Do me a favor and stop worry about how I live my life."

"I've tried to protect you Katharine. You know what Severus Snape is like and you know who he is friends with. Yet you still think that you can fit into his world comfortably?"

"Why couldn't I mother? Do you think I'm not strong enough to handle his baggage?"

"I know you're not Katharine."

I shot her a deadly look. "I never had a father and I never had a normal life. That was all thanks to you. If I am weak, unworthy or clueless that is because you failed at being a mother."

She was still for a few moments and then stood up. "Alright Katharine."

As she moved away from me I swore I saw a glimmer in her eye that hadn't been there before; it was confirmed for me when I heard her sniffling on her way out the door. I knew I should have felt bad that I had hurt my mother but a part of me didn't.

'Cutting ties,' a voice said inside of me. 'That was one of your biggest obstacles and now she is gone.'

My hand began to throb and pulled my attention to it; I wondered what had really happened in the classroom and what made me see what I saw. Was it because I had just been thinking about the dream or was it due to the stress mixed with lack of sleep?

'This is what you are now.' The words she said came back to me now.

Thoughts of being told I was weak, wasn't good enough and couldn't do things ran through my head; my mother, Addison, Severus and everyone else who doubting my strength. Standing up to Severus had always felt a little gratifying but to stand up for my mother was something entirely different.

'This is what you are now.'

I was starting to think that maybe that wasn't so bad.


	16. Going Under

The day I was to meet Lucius came very quickly; I felt myself getting anxious with each day that passed. Strangely enough though, when May 6th arrived, I wasn't nervous at all. I am not sure if it was because I had planned everything out or if it was because I was just happy that the meeting would be over with soon.

I began to get ready around five, already having a light supper and knowing I would need the time. I bathed quickly and used a drying spell on my hair and body. I made sure that I used more products than I normally would, to make my skin soft and my body to smell pretty. I slipped on the dress I had picked out, thankful that it was a warmer day in May.

When I finished getting dressed I took a look at myself in the mirror. I was wearing dark black stockings and a tight, strapless emerald green dressed that match my eyes. Over the dress was a thin layer of black lace and I had matched it with a pair of black pumps.

I began on my makeup which, took a little bit more time and let my hair hang down. When I had finished, it was just about time for me to leave. I threw on my thin, black jacket and headed out of the castle.

I figured someone would see me leaving but it was weirdly quiet outside; most were probably just leaving dinner or for students, worrying about assignments they needed to finish up. I knew Severus had given out a large assignment to each of his classes and had only given them till his next class to finish.

Hog's Head was quiet tonight but it was Wednesday so I didn't expect much. I asked for a private room and told them to send Lucius back when he arrived. As I was taking off my jacket, I heard him enter the room and shut the door. When I turned, he looked a little surprised but shook it off and sat down across from where I sat.

"Katharine," he greeted. "It's very good to see you again."

"Same to you Lucius." I felt my throat go dry. Suddenly it was if all the fear that had disappeared today came back full force.

"Now I am very curious as to why you asked me here today." I ignored his eyes on my legs.

"I have a problem and I think you can help me." I stuck to what I had practiced in my head. "I didn't know who else to turn too." I looked down at my hands and played with my fingers. I wanted to look innocent, make him think I needed him. Realistically, I did need him.

"Now what could I possibly help you with?" I looked up and met his eyes. He was looking at me like I was the mouse and he was the cat.

"As you know, my mother…." I was beginning to freak out. Things were moving quickly and I didn't feel like it was going the way I wanted it too. "…she's friends with the Minister and I have been hearing things…"

A knocked stopped my voice and a man walked in with two drinks and sat them down. He was gone as quickly as he came and Lucius pushed one over to me. I took a quick gulp, tasting the hard liquor but not caring. I probably should have asked what the drink was first, knowing Lucius couldn't be trusted.

"What things have you been hearing?" Lucius brought me back.

"About…" I took another sip. "Talks of someone coming back."

He laced his fingers together and the room was silent for a few minutes. "Alright now tell me what it is you want."

I felt my cheek heat up. This wasn't going the way I wanted it too at all. I was supposed to be needy but straight forward. Instead I was stumbling over my points and letting myself get nervous over nothing. I took another gulp of my drink.

"I want help." I looked down at my lap again, trying to get myself back on the script. "I walk around knowing how valuable I am to this society and no one sees it. Even at Hogwarts I haven't even been given the opportunity to be a full teacher. Instead I sit here and watch others who don't deserve it get these perks in life. My mother doesn't see it, she never has."

I forced myself to keep my eyes locked with his, as much as I didn't want too. I let myself studied his features as he studied mine.

"Katharine, I think I know what you're asking," he began. "Frankly I don't believe you."

His words hit me like a brick; he didn't believe me which, means he wouldn't be willing to help me. I didn't even realized I had grabbed my drink until the taste hit my tongue. I finished the rest of it and set the glass down. I had to make him believe me. If I didn't, Severus would never see me as his equal.

"Why would I lie?" I let myself sound angry. "Why would I ask you here and say such things if I was lying?"

"There ae many reasons one would," He smirked at me. "If you are serious however, I am sure we could work out a deal."

My blood ran cold and from the tone in his voice, I knew what he was asking. I toyed with the idea for only a moment; it would be the easiest thing to do but I knew I couldn't trust him and I wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror if I did it.

"Lucius if you don't believe me then I will find someone else who will." I stood up, grabbed my coat and headed towards to door when I felt him grab my wrist. I turned my face towards his and saw him staring down at me.

"You are a terrible actress. It a good think you ended up as a teacher. There isn't a bone in your body that could lie." He snickered. "Even with your little getup, though it is delightful to look at, didn't fool me. I'm suppose you mother being who she is, I should have expected this from you."

My anger was slowly bubbling. "Let me go."

He let out a laugh. "Don't forget who invited whom here this time." He let my wrist go but took a step forwards causing me to back up against the door. "When I said I didn't believe you I only meant part of your story. Now Katharine tell me why you really want this and perhaps I will find a way to make it happen."

I stared at him but couldn't find the words to say.

"I don't suppose this wouldn't have anything to do with my dear friend Severus would it?" I didn't want to be here anymore. I tried to reach down, to grab my coat that had fallen to the floor but he stopped me by taking a step closer. He placed him hand on my face and when I tried to turn away from him, his fingers dug into my cheek as he forced me to look into his eyes.

"If I know Severus, he told you to leave him alone. He thinks he needs to protect you from getting hurt or else why would you be here Katharine? Why would you ask me to come here, by yourself, knowing what could happen."

"Let me go." I felt the anger almost boil to the top now.

"Remember last time you told me that Katharine? How long did it take you to push me away? Was it after you let my tongue against yours?" I thought back to the Qudditch World Cup, how he shoved me into the wall, demanded me to let him take me. I felt my cheeks heat up at the memory, how good his kissed felt after being deprived from any attention from Severus for so long.

I looked up at him and realized that he had me just where he wanted; thinking back to that moment so I wouldn't stop his lips from crashing down onto mine. He didn't wait this time to slip his tongue into my mouth and for a few brief seconds, I let myself remember how good it felt to know how much a man could want me. I felt my body wanting to press itself against him as his hand trailed up my thigh, slowly making its way beneath my dress. That's when I came back to reality.

I shoved him away as hard as I could, grabbed my coat and ran out without looking back.

I made it as quickly back to Hogwarts as I could even though I knew Lucius wouldn't chase me. I somehow managed back to my rooms without anyone seeing me and sank to the floor against the door.

"Damn it Katharine." I whispered to myself. "Of course you become the mouse."

How could I have been so stupid? Did I really think that Lucius would be that stupid? Did I really believe that he wouldn't try anything thing with me again?

I fought to ignore my next question but it nagged at me. Did I want him to try something with me again?

It made me feel warm inside thinking of how much Lucius seemed to want me even if it had to do with some vendetta against my mother at first, there was no way he would try this hard just to spite her. Or would he?

Either way it didn't matter. I had failed and now I was stuck back at stage one. I kicked my boots off and forced myself to get up and change.

I fell face first into my bed and sleep took over rather quickly. I guess my body wanted this night to be over as well.

* * *

I naively thought that sleep would make me feel less miserable that I had failed when really it only made matters worse. My disappointment and anger with myself mixed with my love for Severus and my torn feelings for Lucius.

I slowly made my way to class and arrived just as the last students were walking in. I taught my class, pushing all my true feelings aside, and managed to get through my next one with no problems. It was only when I went to help Severus with the fourth years, did anything resurface.

I did my best to act normal, but it seemed to be no use. As if he knew something was wrong, Severus asked me to go prepare ingredients for tomorrow's class. I was still in the stock room when he came to tell me class was over and he could finished the rest himself.

I handed him what I had already collected and made my way back to my rooms. I knew he wanted to say something to me but I ignored him. My body felt weak and all I wanted to do was sleep though sleep always seemed to make things worse.

I thought that nothing would pull me out of the depression I had fallen into. Even receiving letters from Addison, something that would normally cheer me right up, seemed to be failing miserable. This went on for two weeks though I had managed to force myself to make it to all meals after the first few days. Students began to question where I was and since I cut my hand during class, they seemed to be more concerned than usual.

Then something happened that I didn't expect. It was a Friday, usually the day I got my letter from Addison so when two letters dropped down to me, I was curious to say the least. I opened Addison's first and read it over quickly so I could get to the second one. The handwriting looked familiar but I couldn't place it at that moment.

I felt my heart almost stop as I read the words.

_Katharine,_

_After carefully considering what you have said to me regarding your issue, I have decided to help you. I cannot guarantee anything at the moment due to circumstances but there will be a time when something can be done. You will know when that time is_

_Lucius_

I read it over twice just to make sure I wasn't hallucinating from lack of sleep. My emotions were mixed with excitement, fear and anxiousness. I had somehow done it. I had taken myself one step closer to my goal of proving to Severus that I was strong enough to stand by his side.

I could have easily written Lucius back and told him I changed my mind but if anything, the two weeks of defeat showed me how much I wanted Lucius to help me. How much I needed him too.

I smiled to myself, something I hadn't done for a while when I became aware of eyes on me.

When I looked up and turned, I saw Severus staring at me, trying to figure out what I had just read. I let my eyes linger on his for a moment and then turned back to my letter. Even still I felt his eyes on me, almost silent asking me to stop.


	17. The End is the Beginning

"They've announced it finally!"

I heard the talks as I made my way down the hallways only a week after receiving the letter from Lucius. The third task had finally been announced. They said it would be a maze with the triwizard cup at the end of it. Everyone was excited; it sounded so simple but I knew it had to be more difficult than that.

I didn't see much of Harry, only briefly speaking to him about the third task. He was nervous and he had a good reason too.

"Everyone seems so happy." He commented.

"They aren't the ones who are competing." I told him. "They have no reason to be anxious. You, however, do."

I hadn't heard anything else from Lucius and had been constantly looking for any kind of 'signs' that would let me know when he could help me. The only thing interesting that had happened was when Barty Crouch Sr turned up, almost delirious after the third task had been announced. But I knew quickly that it wasn't a sign at all. Just an unfortunate event.

Severus and I barely spoke; he stayed away from me as much as I avoided him. I didn't need him lecturing me, making me even more nervous. I had already cut ties with my mother and I even began trying with Addy as well. My messages to her were short; I didn't need her getting hurt because of my choices.

Life moved on quickly for the next four weeks, routines remained the same other than students beginning to prepare for their final exams. The school year was coming to a close; I had successfully taught classes by myself for almost a full school year. I pushed away thoughts of possibly never being a teacher again and let myself feel proud.

The third task had finally arrived and we were all excused from our classes that day. When I made it to the teachers area in the stands, I took the only free seat next to Severus and looked at the four champions who seemed just as fearful as Harry.

"Potter really thinks he has a chance." I heard Severus snort under his breath.

I wasn't sure why he spoke, perhaps I was the only one who would give him the time to vent. But I decided it was best to go along with it.

"Harry has a chance. Look at how well he has done so far."

"Pure luck and a bunch of help from yourself and Moody." He snickered. "He wouldn't have lasted ten minutes with the dragon if it hadn't been for you two. Personally I would have let him roast."

I shook my head and sighed, waiting for the signal for the task to begin.

"Well we can't always get what we want." The statement came out harsher then I had meant.

He went to say something but the canon fired and all four were set out into the maze. I stared out, not sure what else to do; all the other professors were having their own side conversations. I had thought about going to say hi to Mr. Weasley when Severus spoke again.

"There you go sulking again."

"I wasn't sulking!" I snapped. A few of the professors looked at us and I lowered my voice. "I was making a statement regarding your issue."

"Katharine, I don't think it's possible for you to only reference one thing anymore. Somehow you always seem to bring your personal feelings into something you shouldn't." I caught the hint, even if he didn't want me to. He was talking about my plan.

"Now who is referencing more than one thing?"

He smirked and I couldn't figure out why. It irritated me that one minute he could be clearly angry with me and the next, pretty much laughing.

"Am I amusing you?" I scoffed.

"Yes that too." He turned to me briefly. "You have done well with your classes Katharine. I am recommending you take on more. Possibly all of them if Albus needs another position filled."

"The dark arts?" It was no secret that Severus had his eye on the dark arts positon for quite some time. Would Dumbledore even think about making me the Potions Mistress? That would be huge shoes to fill and I wasn't sure if I would be ready. But it was something I had always dreamed of; standing on my own two feet, having full control of what I was teaching.

'But,' my inner voice nagged. 'Who says you're even going to be here next year?'

I felt my brief joy come crashing down; for a moment I had forgotten everything I had planned. I almost think that was the point of him bringing it up in the first place. I could go on, living my life, possibly chasing after Severus who would never see me as an equal. Even here, talking with him, he had found some way to manipulate my mind like you would a child.

Even though I had told myself, I had made my choice, there was still a way of backing out of it. I could give up my hope of being with Severus and live out my dreams or I could follow the path I had created and prove to him that I was worth it. That I wasn't some dumb girl.

I didn't answer Severus and he didn't say anything to me. We sat in silence, watching the maze, waiting for something to happen.

Then it did.

A red flash in the sky. Someone had given up.

"Who?" I whispered to myself.

The crowd watched the entrance when suddenly Fleur had popped up, passed out. Madame Maxine ran to her and picked her up. Crying out for someone to look at her. They examined her there and she eventually woke up. She would be fine.

The crowd let out a sigh of relief. Now there were three left and almost an hour had passed.

When Viktor appeared at the entrance of the maze, he seemed confused, unsure of what had been going on.

A shiver ran down my spine; something felt very wrong.

Then suddenly, Harry appeared with Cedric. The crowd began to cheer until they realized that something was off. Harry was holding a body, an unmoving one. Cedric Diggory's body.

"He's back, he's back! Voldemort's back. Cedric, he asked me to bring his body back. I couldn't leave him, not there."

It clicked in my head. Lucius had told me I would know when he could try and help me. This had to be it. The Dark Lord had returned or so Harry was saying. I heard muttering as Cedric's body was pried from Harry and carried off the field.

"The Dark Lord back?" someone whispered. "Has that boy lost his mind?"

"He can't be back!" someone else cried. "He can't!"

I watched as Moody pulled Harry away from the field and appeared to be heading towards the castle. Severus was already out of his seat and I followed after him, even though he probably didn't want me too. He went to Dumbledore who asked him to get something for him. Severus took off but Dumbledore stopped me

"Follow myself and Minerva." He instructed.

We hurried quickly to the castle and I realized to Moody's office. Severus met up with us there with a small vile in his hand. Dumbledore raised his wand and broke down the door running in as quickly as possible. He grabbed Moody by the neck and told me to go to Harry.

"Are you alright?" I asked pulled him back a bit until we were standing in front of a chest.

"He…he knew about the graveyard."

Severus dumped the small vile into Moody's mouth.

"Do you know who I am?" Dumbledore shouted.

"Albus Dumbledore." Moody twitched as he answered.

"Are you Alastor Moody?" Dumbledore sounded fiercer than I had ever heard him before.

Moody gritted his teeth together. "No."

"Is he in this room? Is he in this room?"

Moody turned his eyes toward us.

"Get away from the chest!" Dumbledore approached us and we moved to the side. He opened the chest to find another chest and another one after that. When it had stopped, he looked down and shouted at someone. I heard the response. It was Moody, the real one.

"But then who is this?" Harry asked.

Severus grabbed the flask, fake Moody had always been drinking from. He took a sniff and narrowed his eyes. "Polyjuice potion."

"Well I suppose we know who was stealing from the stores." I commented.

Dumbledore looked back into the pit, letting Moody know that they would get him up in a few minutes. The fake Moody began to shake; if he hadn't had any more polyjuice potion left, he would be turning back to his true self in just a few moments.

A man, I had seen only a few times in the papers, was now in front of us.

"Barty Crouch Jr." Dumbledore commented.

The man with dark haired licked his lips and looked at Harry. "Show you mine if you show me yours." He flicked his eyes to his arm.

"Harry your arm." Dumbledore rolled up his sleeve and pulled him forward. Severus pulled up Barty Crouch Jr's sleeve. A tattoo, of a skull and a snake. The sign for a Death Eater. Harry's arm had a similar mark carved into it.

"You know what that means don't you?" He smirked, looking at me for a second then back to Dumbledore. "He's back. Lord Voldemort has returned!"

"Send an owl," Dumbledore told Minerva, ignoring the man. "I believe Azkaban will find they are missing a prisoner."

"I'll be welcomed like a hero!"

"Perhaps. Personally, I've never had too much time for heroes."

Barty Crouch Jr looked at me again with a devilish grin. "Like what you see?"

I walked over to Harry and grabbed him. "Let's get out of here."

"Alright professor. I want to see my friends." I could tell by his voice Harry was shaken up. I didn't want to risk anything being wrong with him. I still had my obligation to him as a teacher.

"We can meet them in the infirmary."

* * *

A sadness came over Hogwarts like I had never seen. A student had been lost to unimaginable circumstances. Dumbledore made a speech at the last feast; The Ministry had told him to tell the student that Cedric's death had been a freak accident. He told them differently; the Dark Lord was back and the students had a right to know.

A letter had fallen on my plate that day. I knew the handwriting instantly. It was from Lucius. He said if I wanted to have help, the time was now. He needed to meet with me to go over the fine details. I needed to tell him when I could meet him.

This was my chance, to get out of it. The last time I would be able to go back. The Dark Lord's return, Cedric's death had not only marked a new time for Hogwarts but also a new time for myself.

I looked over at Severus, he seemed to be more focused on his food than anything else. He caught me looking at him and turned away quickly. I felt my heart sink. Would he ever be able to look at me, to love me, if I didn't choose the path where I could prove my worth?

I left the meal early and headed to my room, possibly for the last time. I took out my quill and wrote an address, date and time to Lucius. I watched my owl float away into the sun, letter attached to its foot.

I would meet Lucius next week. No matter what the cost, I was going through with this. I loved Severus more than I could ever describe. I needed him in my life, no matter what the cost. I would give up anything for him, even my own freedom because being with him, meant I was happy.

I stepped on the train and watched Hogwarts disappear from my sight. I wasn't sure if I wanted to cry or to cheer. I felt like for once I had done something for me and not to make anyone else happy. I wasn't bounding myself to what other people thought I should do and who I should be. This was my choice.

There was no turning back now.


	18. Pushing Me Away

The train ride home felt as if it went on forever. I was anxious to see what my mother would be like after our last encounter. I was surprised, as I got off the train, to see she was nowhere in sight. After several minutes I headed off to find a cab to drive me back to my home.

I didn't call out to her when I stepped through the front door. I didn't need too. I could sense the house was empty; she had left. I dropped my bags as the door and headed into her study. Nothing. I checked the kitchen. Nothing either.

'So she went out, didn't meet you to prove a point.' I thought to myself.

I walked up the stairs to my room, determined to prove her wrong. I didn't need her meeting me at the train station or being home when I got here. I was an adult, even if I had been under her care all of my life, I was ready to do this on my own.

Then I found the note. She had stuck it to my door, the place I should have checked first.

_I hope your ride home was well. I shall be gone for the summer so enjoy the house to yourself. I expect it to be in one piece when I return._

_Mother_

As much as I wanted to be jumping for joy, I couldn't help feel slightly abandoned. She had cut off ties, at least for the summer, all together. This would be the first time I would be truly alone in all of my life. I would be free to eat when I wanted, sleep in till noon without having to worry about anyone judging what I was doing.

Yes this was good.

I entered my room and placed everything where it needed to go before falling back on my bed. I sat there for a while, unsure what else to do with my time. It may have been an hour until I finally got up and that was only to answer the phone.

"Katharine!" Addison's squeal made me hold the phone back. "Your home! I need to see you! Where can we meet?"

I hesitated for a moment. I was trying to cut away Addison from my life. Meeting up with her wouldn't be good at all.

"Hello?" I had been silent for too long.

"Sorry," I muttered. "Look just come over here. Mother is gone for the summer. So I have the house to myself."

"That's awesome! I'll be over soon!"

I hung up the phone with a sigh. One more night with Addison wouldn't hurt and if anything I could make that night count; Addison had been my friend for a long time. I just didn't want to see her getting hurt over my choices.

She arrived fairly soon after our phone call. When I opened the door, she looked more radiant then I had ever seen. Everything about her was glowing; her skin was more tanned then I had ever seen and her hair was still chopped at her shoulders. Someone her outfit, a simple pair of jean shorts and a t-shirt, made her look like a goddess.

"I've missed you!" she pulled me into a tight hug. "Look what I brought!"

She held up her hand; there was a brown paper bag that she had clasped between her fingers. The outline was clearly a bottle. She grinned and me and stepped in.

"Let's get drinking to celebrate your new found independence!"

We drank that night until we couldn't anymore. Addison didn't realize that I was saying goodbye to our friendship. I hung onto her tightly, telling her how much I loved her and appreciated her as a friend. She told me she loved me too and that she was going to help me find a guy.

"You're too great to be not married." She slurred before putting her head into the sink and vomiting.

She had no idea that I had already found him.

* * *

When I woke up in the morning, Addison was already gone; blurry memories of her stumbling into a cab crossed my mind. I grabbed my head and dragged myself out of bed. I stumbled towards the bathroom, turning on the water of the shower.

"No drinking that much again." I let my head hit the wall, trying to peel off my clothing.

The water felt good against my skin and cleared my head up a bit.

I wasn't sure how long I was in the shower, it seemed like the sky had brighten up but all my mind seemed to be worried about was the pain that was shooting through my body. My bed seemed to be the only thing I could see clearly. Besides sleeping all day wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It wasn't like I had much else to do.

I was just lifting the blankets when a tapping sound stopped me. Slowly, I peered at the window. An owl tapped again, a letter bounded to his left foot. There was no doubt in my mind whose owl it was.

I feed the bird a small treat and some water as it sat patiently on my desk, its dark eyes blankly staring at me.

My hands shakily unrolled the parchment.

_Katherine,_

_I would be delighted to meet up with you this week sometime. Shall we say Sunday night?_

_Hope all is well._

_Lucuis Malfoy_

I don't know why I didn't expect this message from him this morning; despite not being here in person he still managed to find a way to get under my skin.

I glanced at the bird again, it's head cocked to the side. Clearly he wouldn't be leaving until I tied a message back around his foot. With a sigh, I sat at my desk and grabbed at my quill. There was no turning back now.

_Lucius,_

_That sounds fine, I am unsure where we could meet however so I will leave it up to you to pick a spot. However Sunday night after supper time would be a good time for us to meet._

_Katharine_

I considered asking him to come to my place but knowing my luck, as he arrived my mother would come home unexpectedly and would have some serious questions for me, some I would not want to answer.

The bird nipped at my fingers gently as I tied the letter to his foot and I held out my hand with a final treat before his take off. I shut the window and dragged myself back to my bed that had been calling my name, since I sat down at the desk.

As my body hit the sheets, my vison started to blur and I couldn't help but grip my head, trying to make the room stay still. When it finally did, I drifted into a dark world where my body felt light and free from pain. It was quiet and peaceful and at this point, I didn't want to leave it ever again.

**_Tap, tap, tap_ **

I didn't have to cover my eyes this time; the sky was black and the stars shined brightly against it. I didn't have to guess where the tapping noise had come from.

I let Lucius's owl in once again, tearing the letter away from its foot. He wanted to meet a place not too far from here that I had walked by a few times but never bothered to enter. I replied quickly and sat at my desk, trying stop my thoughts from swirling and my heart from racing.

I was one step closer to Severus. Nothing would stop me now.

* * *

I arrived early, letting my feet carry me to the back of the bar. There was a reason I hadn't been here before; the interior looked as old and withered as the outside. A single man had sat at the bar, swaying back and forth, demanding another beer.

I hadn't bothered to dress up for Lucius this time. I told myself it was because I had no reason to sway him my way and ignored the thoughts of his lips pressed against mine, his hands running up my thigh.

He showed up not too long after me, giving me a trade mark smirk I had become all too familiar with.

"Katharine." He took the seat across from me.

"Lucius."

"You're looking rather," he eyed me for a minute. "Plain today. Though I am sure you are eager to hear what has been happening."

I ignored his bait, waiting for him to continue.

His tone lowered. "I know you understand he had returned but let me make this clear to you Katharine, just because you have a pretty face and many people would jump at the chance to fuck with your mother doesn't mean the Dark Lord will welcome you with open arms. I am sure Severus would have told you the same thing."

So my mother had rubbed some people the wrong way and as it sounded, Lucius wasn't the only Death Eater who wanted to get back at her. "There is more to me than that."

"Yes well just because you were screwing Severus doesn't mean anything either."

I felt my face heat up. Is that really all he thought I was going on? "I know almost as much as Severus knows about potions and twice as much about Magical Creatures as you Lucius," He lips turned upwards at my glare. "I had two apprentice offers from Hogwarts and would have likely had several others if I applied anywhere else. I am more than my mother's daughter and a pretty face."

"Speaking of your mother, how is it exactly that you planned to get away from her grasp? Doesn't she keep a tight leash on her precious offspring?" he snickered.

I turned away briefly. "She has left her precious offspring alone for the summer." I faced him again. "I was serious about this Lucius. This is what I want."

"In your case, I hope so Katharine." He stood up. "I will see what I can do. But there are no promises. Especially with Severus trying to keep you as far away from this as possible."

"What?"

"Never mind about that. I will be in touch when I hear something."

Then he was gone, just like that.

I had expected more of an updated, anything to give me a sign on what would happen next. I wasn't sure if I believed Lucius would try his hardest to help me. But I had no other choice at this point, he was and had always been my only option even from the beginning.

I didn't stay in the dump any longer. I let my feet slowly take my home, enjoying the warm weather and the time to think without being in the empty house that waited for me. It had already felt like too long since getting home even though it had only been a little over a week since my return.

I slept in as long as my body would allow for the next few days, ate the small bits of scraps in my fridge as I had been avoiding getting groceries since returning.

I looked out at the emptiness that surrounded my home besides the small dots that represented the homes a little bit down. A soft breeze hit my face, taking me back to a time when I was small. For some reason it made me think of my father, the only memory I really had of him.

I only had a brief glance of his face before being shooed away to go play while they sat on the stairs, holding each other tight. Even though the memory wasn't much, it still felt happier than any other time I remembered in this home.

Another night passed, making my nerves begin to stir. What if this was all some cruel joke Lucius was playing on me? Did he really mean he would try his best? I went to bed that night, tossing and turning, wondering about the future.

It was if my mind had predicted what would happen next. A bang at my front door caused me to jump out of bed. My leg moved quickly down the stairs despite the foggy floating through my brain. I opened the door to see Lucius, his face looking like the blood had been drained from it.

"What are you doing here?" I groaned.

"You need to come with me now."

I looked down at my outfit that barely covered my body. "I can't come with you like this."

"Katharine if you want a shot at this, you need to come with me now. This may be your only chance."

Something was wrong, I could feel it.

I slipped on a pair of shoes and followed him out. I grabbed his arm when he told me too and we appeared in front of a large mansion. He led me towards it and through the front door. I only got to look around quickly as I was pulled through the foyer and into a back room.

"Can you tell me what is going on now?" I spoke quietly.

"I sincerely hope you weren't lying about your knowledge regarding creatures. You don't do well at this, I can't promise you anything."

"Do well at…" I didn't get to finish. I could tell we were in the right spot. There was only one man trembling beside a large mass curled up in some blankets. Lucius nodded to the man who scurried out as quickly as he could.

"Examine her." Lucius glanced towards the mass. "Now."

I slowly edged closer towards the mass when it began to move. I saw its face finally and I couldn't stop my eyes from going wide.

It was a snake. The biggest snake I had ever seen. I could tell from the look of it that it wasn't well either.

"This is Nagini, one of the Dark Lord's most prized possessions."

So that's why he was in such a rush, why he said this could be my chance in. I make her better and it would be a straight shot to the Dark Lord's good graces.

All I needed to do was figured out how to make her better and I was in.

Fantastic.


	19. Take Me Away

Once I managed to get close enough to the large snake to examine it, it took my only a few minutes to guess what the problem was and then a bit longer to confirm it. Lucius stood at the door the whole time, watching me as I worked. I felt his eyes burning holes into my back and even when I got up and walked over, he was staring at my intently.

"Well?" he asked.

I dimmed the lights and walked into the hallway with him on my trail. I stopped when we were a bit away from the door.

"You could have warned me!" I harshly whispered. "At least I would have known what I was getting myself into."

He rolled his eyes. "Here I thought you would be willing to do anything to join the cause Katharine."

"I didn't say I wasn't willing to help but it would be nice to know when I am going to walk into a room with a giant snake."

Lucius didn't seem to care much as he changed the subject quickly. "So can you fix here then?"

I fought the urge to snap at him again. "She will probably be okay but I can't make any promises. If she would have been check out when she was first sick it would have been better chances."

He grabbed my shoulder and tightened his grip. "I need something definite to take back to the Dark Lord."

I tried to shake away but he wouldn't let go. "Well I don't have anything definite to give you. Would you rather that I lie?"

He let go with a sigh. "What do you need to fix her?"

I quickly gave him a list and told him to be back as soon as possible. Lucius quickly left me and it didn't take me long to realize that until he came back, I was going to be left alone with Nagini. I thought about not going back into the room till he returned but in the end, I couldn't bring myself to leave a sick creature alone.

I could just make out her outline as I walked back in; her body still curled the same way as before. I slowly made my way over to her, bending down to my knees a little before I reached the spot where she laid. Nagini lifted her head at me and then it thumped to the floor like a rag doll.

"You poor girl." I reached out and received a weak hiss.

I pulled back my hand. "You don't want me to pity you I suppose."

She looked at me and hissed again.

"Once your better, I won't need to pity you." I reached over and pulled a bowl of water closer to her. "Here take a drink."

I knew in my mind, she probably couldn't understand what I was saying to her like most animals couldn't. But like so many others, I had adopted the annoying habit and speaking to animals like they could talk back. My Professor at Hogwarts said it was part of the reason why I was so good with animals. I don't know if I ever believe that it did anything more than make me look like a freak.

To my surprised however, she accepted the water quickly.

I wasn't sure how long Lucius was gone for but when he returned, Nagini had fallen asleep and I had begun cleaning up the room which, had been covered with old snake skin and dirty clothes.

"What are you doing?" I nearly jumped not seeing him enter.

"Cleaning. Something apparently no one knows how to do around here."

He put the bag he had been carrying down on the table beside the door. "I will be returning in a few days where I expect a definite answer about her progress. The Dark Lord will not be happy with me when I give him the answer you gave. I put my neck out on the line for you."

I looked at him and looked away, not wanting to say anything at all. He had helped me when he didn't need to and as much as I hated to admit it, I owed him big time.

"What a surprise. No remark from you this time." He sneered.

"Look," I turned to him fully. "I should have an answer for you in the next few days. However it will take her at least a week to almost a month to fully heal. I am guessing I am supposed to stay with her?"

He gave me a simple nod.

"Alright then," I placed the garbage in a pile and reached for my wand to poof it away. That's when it hit me that I hadn't had time to grab it to bring with me. I let out a sound of frustration.

"I need my wand and I need some clothing with me. Perhaps a bed to sleep in as well. Can someone be here so I can go get my stuff and bring it with me back here?"

"I will make the arrangements Katharine. Can you handle a few days of waiting?" he didn't seem pleased with the request.

I looked down at my attire, a thin pair of shorts and a tank top then back at him.

Without me saying anything, he took off his coat and then began to unbutton his shirt. I eyed him curiously until I could see the smoothness of his chest. Then I turned away.

"My, my Katharine, a little shy?" he mocked, placing his shirt on my shoulder.

I knew I should say thank you but couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead I quickly put on his shirt, still not turning to look at him. His shirt was too big, fitting me like a baggy dress rather than a top but it covered more then what I had on before.

"You can look now." I glanced over my shoulder, catching site of his bare chest.

"I need to finish cleaning." I felt my cheeks heat up.

I tried to ignore the nagging voice in my head telling me to take a peak. I knew there was an attraction there, no matter how much of an asshole he was it was still there. That didn't mean I wanted anything to happen with us nor did I intend it to happen. I stood my ground with my back still to him.

"You are a very strange woman Katharine." He chuckled. "See you in a few days."

He left and I let out a sigh of relief, happy I was finally able to turn. I check out the bag of supplies, pleased to see he had gotten everything I had asked for. I began to set up everything I needed to get started on the task at hand.

This was going to be a long few weeks.

* * *

As promised, Lucius returned a few days later with my wand in his back pocket.

"Also the other arrangements have been made. But first…" he took a look over at Nagini who had begun to perk up the day before. "What is going to happen?"

"She will be fine Lucius, clearly the treatment is already helping."

He looked relieved. "Excellent now for those arrangements…"

He told me to follow him out of the room and took me up the staircase. When we reached the top, he began speaking again. "Your room will be up here near the end of the hall. There is one other person who lives here who is out at the moment."

That surprised me. I hadn't heard anyone else here. He must have sensed my confusion.

"Lacey, well her and a few house elves live here. It is fairly quiet when no one else is around. Some of us stay here the odd time but that hasn't been often lately." He opened the door to the second last room at the end of the hall.

It was a fairly big room, bigger than mine at my mothers. It had a large bed, a tall dresser and wardrobe a long window and a mirror. "There is a bathroom in here as well. This room will be yours and only yours. The Dark Lord had asked that you have new clothing bought."

I eyed him suspiciously as I could saw a smirk cross his face. Slowly I walked over to the dresser and opened one of the drawers. Already it was filled with clothing. I pulled out something black and lacy and held it up.

"Who did the shopping?" I questioned. I quickly realized that I was holding a thong and stuffed it back into the drawer quickly.

"Since there wasn't much time," he walked over and stared into the drawer briefly. "I had to do it myself. With the assistance of some very nice ladies at each store."

"I bet you had fun with that." I muttered under my breath.

He shut the drawer. "Yes I actually did. Now to a bit more serious matters. The Dark Lord has requested that once you have finished taking care of Nagini and she is fully healed he would like to meet you."

My heart almost stopped right there. I almost felt the urge to hug him; he had done for me what I couldn't do for myself. I looked up at him.

"So then what do I do after that? After I meet him?"

Her expression turned dark. "You will see then."

* * *

Almost two weeks had passed until Nagini had completely healed and she seemed as anxious as I was. Even Lacey seemed to notice that I was on edge as she sat down beside me at the table.

I had only official met Lacey last week; her dark curls always piled on top of her head, her clothes always tight and dark. Her dark mark always visible when she was inside the house, not that I had been out with her. She had cornered me beside my room, the day after Lucius had left, introducing herself with a wicked grin. At first, I thought I would dislike her loud and in your face personality.

Now she was growing on me.

"Hey Kitty," she had given me the nickname when we first met. I didn't bother asking her to stop. "What's the problem?"

"Lucius should be arriving soon and then I can have some questions answered."

"Ohh little Lucy? Well I will try my best to keep him from getting you on your back." She winked.

I gave her a look. "I will not be on my back for him. Ever."

"Back, top, side, whatever." She grabbed her drink from the house elf's hand. "I'll stop you either way. I couldn't bare listening to you blubber on about how you betrayed your  _dear Severus._ "

Lacey had wanted to know my story and despite the way she acted sometimes, such as now, I felt I could trust her. Perhaps my gut feeling was wrong but I couldn't be certain till we were around other people.

"Mistress…" a short female house elf bowed her head at me. "Lucius Malfoy is at the door and wishes to speak to you."

I nodded. "Thank you. Send him in."

The house elf smiled, something they dare not do often. I was always polite and kind to them, not being able to bring myself to treat them horribly.

Lucius walked in and stared at the two of us. "I see you met Lacey."

"Hello to you too Lucy!" Lacey used her foot to push a chair out. "Me and Kitty were just talking about you! Come sit!"

"Kitty?" he snickered at me while taking a seat. "Please tell me  _Kitty_  what is so interesting about me that you had to talk about."

Lacey went to say something and I gave her a glare. "Lacey and I were wondering when you would finally show up. I have some questions I would like to ask you."

"Yes well I have some news for you as well. Shall we talk in private?"

Lacey turned her head so Lucius couldn't see and began to mouth words at me.  _"Back, top, side…"_

"No!" I squeaked. "Lacey can stay."

He looked between Lacey and myself, finally giving up trying to figure out what had happened.

"How is Nagini?"

"That snake is fine! I'm surprised she hasn't tried to murder Kitty yet though! That snake wants out!"

Lucius glared at Lacey and then looked at me.

I sighed. "Nagini is fine but Lacey is right, she seems to be getting antsy stuck in that room."

"I was instructed to let her out if she is al healed. She will find her way back. Now for the other news, you will be attending your first meeting tomorrow night."

I tried to feel excited but my nerves seemed to be taking control.

"Which reminds me, Lacey the meeting will be here. Have the house ready for our arrival after supper tomorrow night."

She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"Lacey…" he warned.

"Fine fine!" she shook her hands at him. "It won't be like last time promise!"

He seemed pleased with her answer and then turned back to me. "You have questions?"

I nodded. "So…I will be staying here from now on?"

"The Dark Lord wishes to keep you close."

"So is that a yes?"

"Yes."

I had many things left at my home that I held close. After I had left, I wasn't sure if my mother would keep them safe for me or throw them away in anger. If Lucius saw my dilemma, he didn't mention it.

I told him there was nothing else and he told me I could let Nagini out whenever I wanted too.

"Oh and Katharine." His eyes ran up and down my body as I walked him to the door. I was wearing the clothing he had bought; tight dark pants and a sleeveless red top. "Those clothes really suit you."

He shut the door behind him and I heard Lacey giggle behind me.

"What?"

" _Katharine, those clothes suit you but I want to rip them off your body right now."_

"Shut up." I lightly swung at her.

It only made her giggle more.


	20. We're on Each Other's Team

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is another chapter for everyone. Also I will be posting the sequel to 'Make it Without You'.

Tomorrow night had come quicker than I had anticipated; I was a nervous wreck but Lacey was the complete opposite of me. She had been bouncing around the house all morning, barking orders like a mad woman. One moment I would walk down the stairs and she would say there was something wrong with the menu and the next time it was something wrong with the placement of things.

I had tried to wrap my mind around everything and seeing the dozen of seats being prepared for the guests, didn't help my nerves any.

"Go with black, you look wonderful in black." Lacey's face appeared behind me as I gazed into the mirror with a dress held up to me. "No cutesy dresses though. Wear something tight, form fitting." She walked back over to my closet and pulled out a few things.

"Put this on Kitty." She bounced excitedly up and down, waiting for me to change. She clapped her hands together and yanked me close to her. "Make up time!"

She had left me soon after that, proud of the work she had done to me. I told her I could finish with my hair, so she could have time to get ready herself.

As I stared at myself in the mirror, I barely recognized the woman staring back at me; my legs were covered with tight, black material and my shirt was similar besides the lace that made the sleeves. Lacey had turned my lips the color of a dark red wine and made my eyes dark and heavy. I took the clip that held my hair up, letting the mass of it fall down towards my chest. I ran my hands through the lengths from my head, not able to take my eyes off of the mirror.

"God you will have all those boys drooling." Lacey was back again, leaning against the door from in a sleek, black dress that left little to the imagination. She held up a bottle of wine and shook it around with a minx-like grin. "A little liquid courage for the new girl?"

I couldn't refuse the chance to calm my nerves. We didn't bother with glasses; we sipped from the bottle leaving a mixture of dark red and black on the rim.

"So a little birdy came to my window today and told me some interesting news," she fell back on my bed, stretching out her long legs. She took another sip and held it up, wanting me to come over and grab it from her.

"What would that be?" I fell beside her, grabbing the bottle quickly.

"Severus Snape will be joining us tonight."

"He will?"

Lacey laughed and pushed the bottle back to me. "Don't sound so excited. Now take another sip and keep it in your pants. We don't want to make Lucy too jealous…" she giggled. "Or do we?"

"I would prefer Lucius to stay away."

"Your voice says no but your eyes say yes…." Lacey shook her finger while singing her tune. She let out another giggle before continuing again. "You could have both at once!"

"Enough wine for you." I took the bottle and put it on the side stand. She sat up and inched towards me in a true Lacey-like fashion.

"I bet you've never done that have you? I mean how many people have you slept with even?"

"Does this really matter?" I didn't want to encourage Lacey more than she already was.

"Yep it does! I place my bets on less than five!"

I was about to say something when there was a small knock on the door. We both turned and saw one of the house elves staring at us with big eyes. I spoke quickly, not giving Lacey a chance to lash out at the tiny creature. "Yes?"

"The guest have started to arrive. We have them starting to sit at the dinner table."

Lacey jumped out of her bed clapping her hands together while cheering. "Oh this is so exciting! We will be down in a few minutes. Now leave us!"

She pulled me up with both of her hands and swung me around. "Aren't you just so excited Kitty? Let's go!"

She yanked me along quickly, towards the stairs and from there into the room where we would all be dining. I was surprised to see half of the seats full already. Everyone turned their eyes to Lacey; the men seemed eager to see her but the wives who sat beside them eyed her with envy. When their eyes flicked over to me, I saw the same look they were giving her. I choose to ignore the looks from the men.

"Welcome everyone! Dinner should be served soon, I hope you all enjoy it!"

Lacey seemed to be the perfect host from knowing everyone's name down to what kind of pets they had. I stuck close to her, not seeing anyone else yet that I knew of. Lacey pulled me to the seat beside her, near the head of the table and snapped her fingers.

"Fetch us some wine." She gave the house elf a small shove to move it along. She knew the look I would be giving her. Though we had only known each other for a week, it seemed we had known each other for longer. It made me think of my friendship with Addison but Lacey was fields away from that. Lacey was the troublemaker who would lead me to trouble and encourage me to gobble it down.

"I didn't push him too hard."

"It must be the wine." I snickered.

She grinned. "Now there is the sarcastic bitch I have come to love!"

The glasses of wine came and we pushed them together, letting the clang be heard throughout the dining area. Lacey chugged back hers but I took a tiny sip, not wanting to become too drunk and make a fool of myself.

As dinner was severed I noticed two people were missing; Severus and the Dark Lord (who though I had never met, knew he wasn't there as the head seat was empty). Lacey shrugged her shoulder and said they never showed up for meals.

Dinner seemed to go on smoothly besides Lacey drinking several glasses of wine and spilling a glass on the table. No one seemed shocked by this and laughed while she attempted to use her wand to clean up the mess. I found myself laughing too but she didn't mind. Lacey seemed to love to spotlight whether it was good or bad.

"Well what a surprise. Lilth has made a mess, once again." The chatter stopped and the voice sliced through the air. Everyone's eyes turned to the door that sat behind the head chair; Severus stood behind a man who was hard to describe though I wasn't entirely sure if he classified as even human.

I knew that this was the Dark Lord.

He moved forward and took a seat at the larger chair, Severus sitting next to him. Severus had caught my eye for a moment and then turned away; he didn't seem surprised at all to find me sitting in the same room as him.

Lacey was the first to move, flicking her wand and finally cleaning up the mess she made.

"Very good Lilth now, do try and keep steady." A few snickers were heard from down the table and if Lacey could shoot fire from her eyes, she would have.

As the Dark Lord began to speak, I noticed how much the mood had changed; no one dare to look away from him or question him, not even Lacey. I found myself doing the same thing, not just because I didn't know what else to do but because I feared what this man could do to me. Just his presence alone spelt out pain and suffering.

The meeting only took about an hour; The Dark Lord spoke of his next moves and how he wanted them to be done. He assigned different people tasks to do that varied in difficulty and harshness. I stopped myself from cringing when I heard what was to be done to a small muggle town. I had to keep my focus on Severus to remind myself why I was there in the first place.

As the meeting was ending, something moved across my foot causing me to jump back. When I looked down, I saw the familiar skin that I had been checking on only a few weeks before. I watched as many other people jumped back, getting out of the house as quickly as possible.

"Ah yes, Katharine Keeler." I turned quickly and saw the Dark Lord in front of me.

Lacey had shown me what to do when address the Dark Lord- she even made me practice it several times in the mirror so I would know what I looked like. I nodded my head in a bow like manner and didn't dare meet his eyes. "My lord."

"You may look up at me." I know I had no choice but to look up. I did my best to ignore the coldness of his eyes and the hardness of his face.

"You have earned something that many people here will never come close to." He waited until it was only himself, Lacey, Severus and I left in the room. "My appreciation. If it had not been for you, my Nagini may have been gone."

"It was an honor. I enjoyed learning more about her."

"Clever and you did well tonight. I would like to reward you Katharine and make you a loyal and respected subject of mine. However it will have to wait until another night. Arrangements will be made for you and Lilth will let you know the details."

Lacey didn't bow her head like I had done but The Dark Lord ignored it. He turned away, heading to the door her had came from, giving Lacey and I one last look.

"Do teach her well Lilth."

Severus didn't say anything before her left; just a long look at disapproval.

The night Lacey asked to sleep in my bed. She fell into the covers and snuggled up on the opposite side of me, eyes already shut as if she was trying to sleep. I know something was wrong when she didn't say anything to me after laying down.

I spoke first, saying the first thing that popped into my head. "So your real name is Lilth?"

"Unfortunately. Only a handful of people will call me by that name and I prefer Lacey to that name any day." Her voice was flat and un-Lacey like.

"Is everything okay?" her eyes were open now and staring at me but only for a moment until she buried her head back into the pillow. I could barely hear her muffled sounds, almost like a mix between crying and laughter. I waited for her to finish and look back up at me. When she did, I felt a chill run through my spine.

"No Katharine, nothing is okay."


	21. One Way or Another

Lacey slowly returned to the woman I was use too but I could tell something was still wrong. I was beginning to understand why I felt I could trust Lacey in the first place; she had deep secrets of her own that she didn't want to be known. Her reaction to the Dark Lord ridicule only proved that to me further.

I did my best to distract her by getting her to tell me about what would happen if I was to receive the dark mark.

"It's not if!" she corrected me. "It's when you get it! He already has pretty much told you that it will happen. You taking care of that snake plus Lucius backing you- it would be hard not to let you in."

"Is it really that easy? The Dark Lord doesn't seem the type to just let anyone get a dark mark."

Lacey gave a shrug, taking a sip from her wine glass. "I'm sure he has his reasons but why question it?" she waved her wand and a glass appeared in front of me. "Come on now, have a drink with me!"

I shook my head. "Lacey it's only a little past lunch time, it's a little too early for me."

She didn't seem to listen or care; she picked up the bottle and poured some into my glass with a grin. "Kitty it's never too early to start! Live a little!"

I gave up and decided that she was right. I did need to live a little more.

The day passed by in a blur, mostly to the amounts of wine that was in my system; Lacey and I ended up trying on clothing that were in our closets, dancing around the house and laying outside in the garden, staring up at the sky.

"He's mad at me." I told her, letting my mind think about Severus. "He would barely look at me when he was here."

Lacey rolled over and put her head on my shoulder. "He just was surprised you were here. He probably didn't expect you to get this far."

"But I did." Her fingers found my hair and she began to stroke my hair softly. "I made it this far without his help. Shouldn't that prove how worthy I am for him?"

The outside door opening made us sit up to see a house elf standing there with its head bowed to us. He briefly looked at me, his legs shaking; he was one of newer house elves that had been brought to the home on our arrival and apparently had not lived a good life before then.

"Miss, a Severus Snape if here to see you."

"See Kitty! He came to sweep you off your feet!" Lacey pulled me up and yanked me back inside the house where we found Severus waiting for us. Her arm snaked around my waist, pushing me quickly towards him and letting go when my body was inches away from him.

"Here is the beautiful Kitty for you to ravish." Lacey bowed her head low, stumbling forward a bit. I couldn't help but laugh, not realizing how drunk she had gotten. She stuck her tongue out at me but headed up the stairs, singing about taking a bath.

I was alone with Severus for the first time in what seemed forever. His expression told me he didn't want to be here and that he was not too happy to see me.

"Severus." I greeted.

"You're drunk and it's not even dinner time. Though I'm not that surprise considering who your roommate is."

My hands found my hips. "So you came here to lecture me?"

"No I came here to discuss something with you. Is there somewhere we could talk in private?"

I nodded but the only place I knew we would likely not be disturbed was my room; it was a bad idea, I could already see it but I wanted to hear what he had to say to me. So I lead the way up the stairs and to the end of the hallway, opening my door and locking it when he had entered.

"It the most private place I could think of." I sat down on the bed and patted the spot beside me. "Come sit."

With a sigh, he took the seat next to me. "Your mother is worried about you."

I don't know if it as the wine taking over more than I expected or if I really just didn't know how to react; I laughed and he looked unamused. "How long did it take her to realize I was gone?"

He ignored the question. "You know you can still get away from this. Nothing is set in stone yet."

I can't say the idea didn't cross my mind once or twice but I couldn't help but think about Lacey; after another wild night, she had told me she was here for most of her life and had people coming in and out of the home but never really staying. She held me close and told me that I was the best friend she ever had. In some ways, I felt like I could relate to her more than I ever could Addison; she didn't have a real family and she felt trapped.

"I'm staying." I reached over to him and took his hand. "I know you don't like this Severus but I need you to understand how much I care for you. I don't want you to have to be alone with this. I can be there for you now…"

He pulled his hand away. "Katharine stop…"

"Severus, you stop. I am not a child as much as you and my mother would like to think." Him being so close and the amount of liquid courage in my system, I could help but bring myself closer to him and kissing him softly. I missed his lips and body being close to mine.

"Katharine…" I didn't understand why he couldn't see that I was stronger now.

' _You have to show him Kitty! Show him how strong you have become!"_ Lacey's voiced egged me on in my mind.

I couldn't stop myself from kissing him again, feeling my body warm to the feeling of his lips.

Soon, I felt him give into me like I was hoping he would; I lost myself in him and I don't know if I could ever find the words to explain how good it felt to be that close to him again. Despite how happy I was, I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off; my gut was screaming out at me but there was no way I could listen.

When we had finished, he stood up, redressing himself with his back turned to me.

"You could stay." I sat up with the blanket wrapped around my body. "Stay the night with me."

He finished getting dress and stood still for a moment before turning to me. "Katharine, I came here tonight to tell you no matter what you choose that this will not be happening anymore. I don't know how many times I have told you I will not continue to do this with you."

My heart sank. "But we just…"

"That was a mistake on my part."

I felt frozen to the spot and couldn't seem to hear any more of what he was saying. When I finally clued back into reality, he had already left and Lacey was standing at the door, watching me with a worried expression.

"Kitty?" she came and sat on the bed next to me. I looked up, meeting her eyes and clutching the blanket closer to me.

"He fucked me then told me he came to end things. That it was never happened again." I felt my body begin to tremble; I didn't know if I wanted to cry and scream or begin to punch the walls around me. My stomach turned as I became well aware of the after maths of Severus's presences.

"That bastard!" Lacey looked terrifying as she snarled the words out. "How dare he come into this house and do that! I will kill him for you Kitty, make him suffer."

"No," I shook my head. "No don't do that. Death is too good for him."

"Will you tell the Dark Lord on him? For being on team Dumbledore?"

"He wouldn't believe me."

Her expression softened and she grabbed my shoulder. "You won't leave me will you?"

"I'm not going anywhere. You're the closest friend I have right now."

She smiled, looking relieved from my answer. She jumped out of the bed and ran towards my bathroom; I heard the water being tuned on for the shower and Lacey softly humming as she was opening a drawer and walking back out.

She held up a towel. "I figured you might want to shower."

I nodded and stood up, letting the blanket fall off of me and headed towards the bathroom, uncaring of waking around naked in front of Lacey; I had seen her nude body more times than I could remember. She wasn't shy around me or anyone else, especially when it came to her body.

"Thank you." I told her, stepping into the shower. I watched her jump up on the sink, letting her legs dangle.

"No problem. I will stay here to keep you company. We can talk about things like…when you are getting your mark."

"If I am getting it." I corrected her.

She giggled. "No, I was contacted and told there will be a ceremony for you to get your mark next week. There is only going to be three of us female Death Eaters so they want to make it a special occasion or something."

I wanted to be happy but I just couldn't find it in me to be excited. My mind kept running back to Severus and what he had done to me. I had pushed myself onto him but, there was no reason why he couldn't have came out and told me before it had gotten that far. I could feel the tears start to form, the shock of it all now wearing off.

"You should just cry and get it over with. I'm right here if you want me to come in and hug you." Lacey's voice was almost like the permission I needed. The tears wouldn't stop falling as I sank down into the shower and curled in the ball.

In some sick way, I knew I still cared for him but now, I was determined, more so then before, to show him what he had missed out on. I thought about everything and was almost convinced there was no way his feelings was disappear that quickly.

But now I was a woman scorned. I wouldn't get him killed and I wouldn't get him seriously hurt. I wanted to take a few knocks at his pride; I would become everything he thought I wouldn't be able to be.

I would show him one way or another.

 


	22. Please Don't Leave Me

_I felt his eyes on my back; I could feel that he was silently cursing me in his head. Still I didn't turn and run away, I didn't beg for them to let me go. I had to do this._

_No I_ _**needed**_ _to do this._

_"Katharine Keeler," the smooth voice called from the shadows. "Do you give yourself to the Dark Lord? Do you agree to be his humble servant? Do you agree to do as he wishes?"_

_I felt an urge to look behind me; I wanted to know what he was thinking. I wanted to know what he was feeling._

_Did he feel responsible for this? Did he blame himself?_

_"I do." I replied._

_The man stepped out of the shadows; his white blond hair hung down to his waist and his pale eyes peered into my soul. Lucius Malfoy gave me a smirk that, only a man who knew something that you didn't, would wear._

_"Hold out your arm."_

_I let my pale arm slip out from my long sleeve, black cotton top and Lucius grabbed it, turning my hand so my wrist was showing to him. Another smirk formed on his lips._

_I closed my eyes, expecting a great pain to happen to my arm but instead I felt myself being pulled away causing my eyes to shoot open._

_"What's going on?" I demanded when Lucius had pulled me away from the group and towards the stairs._

_"Now, now my dear surely you were informed about what happens before you receive the mark of the Dark Lord."_

_We began up the stairs and I shook my wrist away._

_"I can walk by myself," I hissed at him. "But no I was not told. What is going on?"_

_He chuckled. "Somebody has quiet the attitude."_

_He lead me into a room and I heard the door behind me being shut and locked. I turned to him; his arms were now crossed and his smirk was even wider now. He was waiting for me to say something. Maybe for me to question what was going on._

_"You still haven't answered my question Malfoy."_

_He took a step towards me, the smirk had left his face. Before I knew was happening he had advanced on me until I backed into a desk; he grabbed my hair and twisted me around then pinned me down so my cheek was pressed up against the top of the desk and my back was perfectly flat._

_"I expect you to call me Lucius during this my dear."_

_"I don't…"_

_He pressed himself into my backside and I felt him. Now I understood what was happening. My gift to the Death Eaters, my thanks for letting me into their elite group was to fuck one of them._

_"No…" I whispered._

_He didn't stop; he let go of my hair and ran his hand down my back. His other hand snaked around my waist and went to the button my black dress pants._

_"Get the hell off of me!" I squirmed underneath him but he was too strong._

_When it was over he let me fall to the ground with my clothes bunched in my arms; I wiped the tears from my eyes hoping that he didn't see. He reached down and tucked my hair behind my ear._

_"The Dark Lord will be there when you get back downstairs. Don't waste too much time." His voice was cold, unemotional. He didn't care what he had done._

_Without another word he left me by myself._

_I glanced up from the floor and caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror that sat in the room; my dark hair that had been flat and straight when I arrived was now all over the place and my eyes that people would normally tell me were bright and lively were now just merely a dull green._

_I slipped my clothes back on and fixed my hair as best as I could then headed back down the stairs._

_I was greeted by the roomful of Death Eaters that had watched me leave except this time I found myself face to face with Voldemort. I was a little surprised at his appearance; he didn't look like a man._

_More like a snake._

_"My Lord." I bowed my head, not wanting to look him in the eye._

_"Well, well, well never the day did I expect to see the great Evangeline Keeler's daughter standing before me." he said to me._

_I kept my head down._

_"You may look up."_

_I raised my eyes and met his; they were evil and cold. I didn't want to look anymore but I knew I couldn't look away. I knew he wanted to look me in the eye when I answered to him._

_"I have been told that you have done well with the task you were given."_

_I felt the urge to shudder at the thought; my 'task' made it sound like I has chosen to go upstairs with Lucius and that I choose to have sex with him. Obviously he liked the fact that he had power over me or else I have a feeling I wouldn't be told that I had done well._

_Or at least I wouldn't be alive for much longer. Somehow I got the feeling that wasn't going to happen._

_"Hold out your arm."_

_I felt slightly apprehensive at the command but I did as I was told._

_He drew his wand out and pointed it at my wrist. This time I knew for sure what was going to happen. I didn't dare close my eyes because I knew he would want to look me in the eye. He would want to see the pain on my face._

_A pain shot threw my whole body and I couldn't help but let out a loud, painful scream._

_I caught him looking at me; at first glance he looked emotionless but something was off in his eyes. He looked almost…guilty._

* * *

Lacey found me in my bed, curled in a ball; I didn't want to look at her, feeling angry and hurt all at the same time. I could tell she knew what was wrong as she didn't say a word while sitting down next to me. I turned my back.

"Kitty, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about what had to happen…" she put her hand on me. "Please don't be too mad at me. There was a reason I didn't tell you."

Unable to ignore her, I sat up and feeling my cheeks flush with anger and my heart beating rapidly. It felt like everything was crashing down on me at once. I was mad at Lucius for what he had done, Lacey for betraying my trust but most of all mad at myself for not having my guard up more.

Despite all that, I knew I wouldn't be satisfied until I heard what Lacey's explanation for everything was. I wanted her to give me a reason to trust her again because she was one of the few I considered a friend.

"You look scary when you're this mad." Her eyes were wide, like a deer caught in the headlights and I could see the tears beginning to form. She looked terrified and I felt a tug at my heart. That hadn't meant I forgot what part she had played.

"Explain." My voice went flat and a tear trickled down her cheek.

"They wanted to see how far you were willing to go for the Dark Lord. I told you there isn't many female Death Eaters," she bit her lip and closed her eyes tight. "The Dark Lord wanted you to be hurt by what happened to make sure you would be strong enough. Lucius volunteered…."

I couldn't understand why she would tell me that of all things. Hearing of Lucius's enthusiasm to assault me made me sick. We may have had our run in before, but since then I thought I could at least trust him more than the others.

I shook my head and turned it away from her with a huff. "Of course Lucius volunteered. He's been waiting for this day since he met me."

"Kitty he was being nice." I snapped my head back around and the fire was lit in the pit of my stomach again. My hands began to tremble and my thoughts moved rapidly through my mind .

"Nice!?" I screamed at her. "He forced himself on me to be nice?!"

"It could have been a lot worse Katharine…" The tears were falling from her eyes freely now as her words trailed off and I stopped when she used my full name. She began to rub her dark mark with her thumb and looked down at her lap. She choked out the words and let out a sob. "You have no idea how cruel these men can be."

I wanted to defend my own thoughts and feelings but seeing Lacey this upset, despite everything that had happened made feelings of guilt run through me deeply. She continued sobbing out words before I could even get anything else in.

"Lucius did what? Held you down? Forced himself in a little roughly? I almost died when I was given my mark. Rodrick choked my so hard I black out and he left bruises on me that stayed there for months. I know none of this makes sense to you because you haven't been here as long as me. But Lucius stepping up and saving you from worse- that is the nicest thing anyone could have done for you, regardless of his intentions."

It was like I had forgot the world I was living in now. Moral codes, personal space- these were all things of my old life that I should have left at the door, I could understand that now. The pain of it all hurt still, but Lacey's story was painful to hear. Not just the fact that it happened it her but that the same thing could have happened to me.

I took a long breath in, letting it out slowly before placing my hand on Lacey's face and getting her to look towards me.

"You could have told me Lacey." I stared deeply at her. "I would have understood…"

"The Dark Lord would have looked into Lucius's mind, he wanted to see how well you did. Had he known that you knew anything…he would have hurt Lucius, me and worst of all you. I couldn't let that happen to you…" She bit her lip before letting out another wail and diving into my arms, holding me tightly. "Please don't leave me! I can't be without you!"

"You're my best friend Katharine, the only person I have ever had to count on. I wanted to protect you but I didn't know how to do that."

I held her tightly as she cried in my arms, stroking her hair gently to try and calm her down. For the first time in my life, I felt needed and wanted by someone. I wasn't a burden to Lacey like I had been to everyone else. I was her saviour, her best friend, her life.

A thought popped into my mind and left my mouth before I could stop it.

"What about your parents Lacey?"

She looked up at me and wiped her eyes."My parents never loved me. Not like other people who I have seen with their children. I don't remember my mother or father ever saying they loved me. I don't really think they know how to love anyone but themselves. They left me in this house, with Genevieve who was ordered to only provide what I needed until I was old enough to be alone. When I was thirteen, she left here and I only see her when I need a checkup."

It was if I had opened the floodgate once more and Lacey couldn't stop everything she had been holding back from coming out.

"After I was marked, my father instructed me to allow the male Death Eaters to get their frustrations out on me in whatever way they wanted. As long as I didn't die…."

The more and more I heard, the more I realized how Lacey could believe that what Lucius did for me was a great gesture of kindness. The things men did to her, sometimes numbers of them at once- it made me feel sicker than before.

I couldn't forgive Lucius right away though, not at least until I spoke with him.

"I promise, no more secrets between us okay?" Lacey suddenly sat up and grabbed my hands, her tears now long gone. "So that's why I am telling you this now. I just heard about it the other day and I wanted to tell you but didn't know how."

"Lacey tell me. I won't be mad." I felt my heart drop, not sure how much more I could take.

"It's about your father."

"My father?" He had always been some sort of person in my mind, one who only appeared in vague memories from my childhood. He was never talked about in my life, he wasn't even a blip on the radar.

"I heard them saying he hasn't seen you since you were smaller because your mother kept you hidden away from him because of his allegiance to the Dark Lord."

My body ran cold. "He's…my father is a…." The words got caught in my throat.

Lacey nodded. "He wasn't at the last meeting because he was away on business but he will be at the next one."

I felt air leave my lungs, refusing to come back in.

If my father is a Death Eater and I was hidden away from him, there was a good chance that the life I had come to known was possibly all lies, woven together by my own mother while she was trying to protect me from the world.

Lacey, who knew a good chunk of my past, seemed to understand why I was feeling this way. She pulled me into a hug and sobbed into my shoulder. "I am so sorry you didn't know before."

"It's not your fault." I heard myself saying.

Severus tossing me to the curb, Lacey's dark past coming to light, Lucius's backwards kindness and now my father all being hurled at me all at the same times was almost too overwhelming for my own comfort.

I didn't know how much more I could take.


	23. All Of My Memories

" _What are we going to do Anthony?" my mother's voice rang out through the house. I poked my head out from the hallway, wondering if they would even notice me. "I can't risk Katharine getting wrapped up in all of this!"_

" _She's a girl, he will likely just want her married off to produce more males for the cause."_

" _Dammit Anthony you know it is more than that. That girl they have locked in the house, I heard what they wanted. They want Katharine to keep her company and then eventually live there. They want me to have another baby to mold into a monster like the rest of them!"_

" _Evangeline…" I saw his hand reach out and touching her arm. "This is our life. This was my family's life and yours as well. There is no escape for us…"_

" _We will run." My mother was weeping now. "We will get away from here for our child. For our Katharine."_

" _They will find me. No matter how far we run, they will find me."_

" _We can go anywhere in the world…anywhere…"_

_I felt my heart sink; if I wasn't there than my mother and father wouldn't be dealing with this right now. Tears started forming in my eyes and I couldn't help but let out a helpless sob. I couldn't duck around the corner quick enough, my parents had seen me._

" _Katharine," my father held out his arms. "Come here. What's wrong?"_

_My feet quickly took me over to him and I fell into his hug. "I don't want you guys to fight."_

" _We aren't fighting Katharine, we are just talking."_

_I knew it was a lie._

_I thought back to what they had been speaking about before and couldn't stop crying. "You don't have to worry about me, I'll marry whoever you want and I'll go live with Lilith. I like her, she seems nice."_

" _Katharine, stop this!" my mother pulled me away from my father, bending down to my level. "You don't have to do any of that."_

_My father scoffed and picked up a glass, taking a long gulp. "Don't lie to her. She's old enough to know now what is to become of her."_

" _She's a child…"_

" _She is almost five years old and clearly more intelligent than some much older than her." He gave a dark look to my mother for a moment. Her eyes grew cold while staring back at him. I knew he meant to be mean to her._

_Then, he turned to me. "Katharine you understand that you are very special to the Dark Lord and he has great plans for you…" The voice began to fade away and darkness was taking over again._

I woke up in a cold sweat, gasping, trying to get my breathing steady again. Lacey shifted her body beside me, giving a loud groan while trying to pull more covers over her head, and curling her legs up to her arms.

My throat was dry and I knew there was no way I would be talking until I soothed the ache.

Reached over to the dresser beside my bed, I felt around for anything that would quench the thirst. I chugged back the first thing I could find and gagged at the bitter taste the touched my tongue. I heard Lacey small giggle as I coughed a few times.

"Did you forget it was wine?" Lacey sleepily asked, peeking from the covers.

I put the bottle down, not bothering to respond.

It had been only a week since I received my mark and when I learned a small truth about my father. Lacey's confession had somehow awakened memories that I had buried deep down for several nights now, each one getting more vivid with every night that past. This one had brought up more questions than ever, starting with the fact that both my parents seemed to know about a girl who shared the same first name as Lacey.

"Lacey?" I reached over and put my hand on her shoulder. When she didn't respond, I shook her back awake gently.. "Lacey I have to ask you something."

"Hmm?"

"You said you haven't had many friends when you were younger right?"

"Barely any." Her words were almost incoherent.

"Who were your friends?"

She threw the blanket off her head and sat up, blinking a few times and groaning. She swayed as she spoke, still drunk from before. "Have you been drinking too much of the wine? Either way, they were just people who were in my life for a few minutes. Is this so important we have to talk about this right now?"

Combining everything that had happened with a cranky Lacey seemed so much less appealing than it had only seconds ago. I shook my head. "No it's fine."

She let her body fall back down, snoring away minutes after we spoke. With a sigh, I tried to do the same but it didn't seem to be working. The memories kept coming back to my as soon as I shut my eyes. For some reason, learning about my past began to frighten me more than ever before. Realizing, I wouldn't get to sleep on my own, I reached back over to the wine bottle and began to pour it down my throat, praying that I would get some kind of rest because of it.

I let the bottle fall from my hands and onto the floor as the sun began to peak from the darkness outside and I fell back as hard as Lacey uncurled from the ball she had been in. I let my feet poke at her now stretched out legs and my head found her shoulder. Despite all that happened before, I craved human comfort more than ever.

* * *

When I felt my eyes fluttered opened, the room was dark again and as I reached out for Lacey and saw she wasn't beside me anymore. I sat up, feeling more refreshed than I had in a few days and stretched my arms out as the door opened.

"Mistress?" the house elf had her head bowed as she walked in. "Now that you are up, would you like me to bring you some supper? I'm afraid the other Mistress has already eaten and is in a meeting right now."

I had slept the day away, apparently making up for the time I had lost due to the sleepless nights.

I nodded to the house elf. "Yes that would be wonderful."

She took off quickly, returning only a few moment later with a full plate of food as well as a fork and knife. I thanked her with a small, soft smile and stared down at the plate as my stomach grumbled. I didn't waste too much time finishing the meal.

I cleaned up the mess with a flick of my wand, not wanting to call back up an elf, and moved to the bathroom to quickly shower before I was called down or Lacey returned.

As the hot water ran down my body I couldn't help be haunted once again by the new memories of my father. There was hardly any doubt left in me that he was a Death Eater and that my mother kept me away to protect me from this life. But I couldn't help but wonder why he didn't fight harder to look for me? Had he agreed to let me go? But then wouldn't the Dark Lord have known about that and punished him maybe even killed him?

Then there was my mother.

Most would say I should feel grateful for the protection she gave me away from this life but when it came down to it, I always felt like I didn't belong in the life she had given me. I always knew there was something missing even if I didn't admit it out loud. Not only that, I still really didn't know much about her part in everything.

I wanted to find something in my memories to make me understand and accept my mother's ways. So far I had been unsuccessful in finding even an ounce of anything.

"Kitty! Are you almost done?" Lacey's voice woke me from my thoughts with a jump.

"Yes!." I quickly washed my hair and stepped out, grabbing the towel and wrapping it around me. I peaked out of the bathroom and say Lacey laying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling.

"How was your meeting?" I asked as she sat up to look at me.

"Well it wasn't fun that's for sure." she pouted. "I hate it when he drops in unannounced."

"Who?" I took a seat beside her.

"The Dark Lord." she rolled her eyes. "He wanted to talk to me about you."

"You didn't wake me?"

"He told me not too." she shrugged. "Anyways he just wanted to see how you were doing and also told me to pass along you will be need to be ready Friday night for his arrival. He has a task for you."

"A task?"

"I don't know what it is Kitty. Trust me, I tried to ask."

"What do you think it could be?"

Lacey shrugged her shoulders and bit nervously on her thumb nail. "I don't know but it probably won't be good. He looked rather pleased with himself."

I tried to ignore my skittish heart and the rapid questions that rolled through my mind. If it was possible, Lacey seemed about as nervous as I felt. I reached out and pulled her into a brief hug before pulling back and looking at her.

"Thank you Lacey."

"For what?"

"For telling me the truth and being my friend."

A small smile crept to her lips and my body tingled knowing that I could at least make her pain a bit more bearable. She reached for me again, pulling me tightly against her with a small sigh and then a giggle.

"Let's drink and dance all night to celebrate!"

Drinking seemed to be her answer for everything. Drink to mourn, drink to cry and drink when you're happy.

I didn't argue with her. For now we could celebrate and numb the other pains that were still circling my mind. I could deal with those later.


	24. I Know Where You Sleep

Friday night came quicker than I had anticipated.

Lacey had somehow managed to distract me enough that I didn't notice how quickly the time was moving. It wasn't until I awoke late afternoon on Friday did anything really begin to sink in. My heart wouldn't stop moving twice as fast, even after a quick swig from the bottle of wine Lacey had brought me.

"I just don't know what else he wants from me." I told her as she dug through my clothes. "I think that's the worst part. Not knowing what is going on."

"Here!" she held up a few items and tossed them on the bed beside me. "I get what you mean. You can never be sure of what he wants. Trust me, I know."

I slipped the clothes on she had laid out for me and studied them in the mirror. Dark colors, a comfortable pair of pants and a shirt that was modest but still had some flair. I tossed my hair back into a high bun, and gave one last look in the mirror before twirling around and stopping when I was staring at Lacey.

"You look wonderful as ever!" she clapped her hands a few times and fell onto the bed with her feet kicking in the air. From the look in her eye, I knew what was coming next. "Sooooo did you ever answer Lucius's message?"

"No I haven't."

The other day I was woken up early afternoon by an owl tapping at my bedroom window with a note attached to its foot. I first thought it could have been from Severus, wanting to talk to me again about my choices or even him passing along a letter from my mother. But it wasn't his.

After the initial shock from seeing Lucius's handwriting, I let Lacey read it outloud, rolling my eyes as Lucius's request to meet me rolled off my tongue. She told me I should write back as soon as I read the letter. I was expectantly hesitant.

"He's trying to apologize I bet or at least explain himself."

"You have met the man before right? I don't think he is the type to apologize."

"Yes but you are different." she waved her finger at me with a knowing smile on her lips. "He likes you."

"He likes the way I look." I corrected her.

"No, he likes you. I just know it. He's helped you way too much to not like you."

"Even if he does, there wasn't a chance." I sat down beside her. "Never a chance with him."

"Oh yeah how come?" she rolled onto her back and stared at me from a tilted head.

"For one, I was already interested in someone else. Not only that he is married with a child who I taught. So even if I was interested…"

"So you thought about it then hmm?"

"Stop it." I smacked her lightly in the arm. "I know what you are trying to do and it's not going to work. I know I will forgive Lucius eventually but nothing will happen between us again."

"Just invite him over. I have to go out anyways next week to do something for the Dark Lord. It would give you some time to talk. Hear him out."

She wasn't going to give in, I could see that and meeting up with Lucius would at least help clear the air. If I was going to be here, then I needed allies not enemies. "Fine I will write him back."

"Right now." she told me in a singsong voice.

Reluctantly I got up and moved to my desk, taking a seat with Lacey hovering behind me. I didn't have to look at her to sense her excitement at began whispering in my ear what I should write. I tried to ignore her but found myself writing the words she spoke.

"All done!" she grabbed it from me and took off down the hallway. She was back before I even left me room. "Sent!"

"I don't understand why you are so excited about all of this." I leaned against the doorframe.

"I just think you deserve it…" she looked at me innocently. "Plus when I start having someone come over I don't want you to be lonely."

"Are you replacing me?" I laughed.

"I could never replace my Kitty!" she wrapped her arms around my neck and squished her cheek against mine. "As much as I love you though, there are some needs you can't fill!"

"Don't worry I understand."

"Anyways enough about that…"

A sudden pop made us both jump. Standing before us was a house elf whose knees were trembling more than usual. Lacey's features changed rapidly as she reached up to strike the small creature.

"Stop." I calmly grabbed her arm. "I am sure that means the Dark Lord has arrived. The last thing you want is to be screaming like a madman."

She dropped her arm, her features returning to normal. "You always have my back Kitty. Good luck!" she pranced away like nothing had just happened. I shook my head with a small smile and turned back to the house elf who looks a little less afraid.

"This way Mistress."

It only began to hit as we descended down the stairs that this would be the first meeting I would truly be having with the Dark Lord where there wasn't a crowd of people to hide behind. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep my knees from shaking like the house elf's had before.

"Mistress has arrived." the house elf bowed its head and waited for me to step into the room. I hesitated for a moment, taking a gulp of air in.

"Ah Katharine." he turned around and gave me a sly grin. I bowed my head down, being sure not to look at him until he instructed me too.

"No need to be formal, come here and let's talk. I have a small task for you to complete." I looked up just as he took his seat at the head of the table and held out his hand to the one next to him.

"It's hard to believe that you found your way back to us. I remember when you were younger, not afraid like the other children who were clinging to their mother's legs." he leaned back and laced his fingers together. "You were strong. How unfortunate it was that your mother took you away from us and your father."

He waited for me to respond. "To be honest, I don't remember much of my father."

"I'm not surprised. Your mother's blood may have been pure but she is as stupid as a mudblood bitch. Your father was heartbroken when you were ripped away from him. So much promise in you then and still so much in you now."

It was strange, having a conversation with the Dark Lord in this way. It felt so casual and informal despite the heavy topic and it didn't make my nerves feel eased at all.

"If I may ask…" I began slowly, unsure how to put the words together without sounded rude. "What is it you would like me to do for you?"

His eyes darken but his smile remained. "Come this way and I can show you."

He moved out the door and towards the back of the house where we exited into the back yard. He then lead me into the hedge maze until we reached the centre of it. Then we weren't alone. Sitting on their knees, was a person with a bag over their head, blocking me from seeing who it was.

"I need you to kill this mudblood for me."

My chest felt heavy.

"Why me?" I couldn't help but turning to him and asking. "I'm sure someone else would have gladly done this for you."

"That's the point, I need you to prove to me you can do this and will do this when I need you too. I have given you the mark but that doesn't mean I can't doubt your commitment to our cause."

I could hear the woman trying to speak under the bag, her mouth clearly was gagged. She thrashed her body around, trying to get her hands away that were tied behind her back. She could have been an innocent person just plucked up off the street.

"Of course, I understand."

I knew what I had to say to make him happy. But that didn't stop my stomach from twisting at the thought of it all. I understood that one day I could have been asked to do something like but I didn't anticipate it would be this soon.

"My Lord." a deep voice came from the shadows, one I knew from somewhere but couldn't place. A tall man suddenly appeared, bowing his head to us. His hair was golden blond and when he looked up, his eyes were the color of the rough sea. "Shall you need anything else from me before I take my leave?"

"No, you have been ever most helpful. You have a bright future in my service just like your father."

"It gives me great pleasure to hear that." he raised his eyes and stared towards me. An uneasy feeling ran through my body, a feeling so familiar and yet I still couldn't place it. "It is nice seeing you again Katharine."

" _I'm sure I will be seeing you again Katharine."_

Then it clicked.

He had been the man Addison brought to me, looking happier than I had ever seen her before. He had held onto her, called her sweet pet names and made her fall in love. I just didn't understand he had chosen her, out of all people. She was a muggle and he was a Death Eater.

"Likewise." I did my best to stay unphased.

"I will be taking my leave now." He bowed his head one more time.

"Don't want to say goodbye?" the Dark Lord asked with a dark look.

Without hesitation, Van turned on his heel and stared down at the muggle woman for a moment before sucking in a breath and spitting out onto her. His face turned into a sneered and he hissed out the words. "Dirty mudblood."

The muggle woman let out a muffled whimper and her body began to tremble.

Van left without another thought, disappearing with the flick on his wand.

"I had almost forgot you two had met before."

His words caught me off guard.

"My Lord how…"

"Katharine, you will come to find I know everything that happens, even the things you would rather not share."

It felt as if my heart could stop right at the moment.

"I know of your close bond with Lilith…" he took a step forward towards the woman.

"I know of your love and devotion to Severus." another step.

"But most of all…" he reached down and pulled off the bag over the woman's head and I couldn't stop myself from stumbling back and throwing my hand over my mouth to stop the horrid sound from leaving my mouth.

"I know of your love for mudbloods. This one in particular."

Staring up at me was the woman who had been there for me when no one else had, whose family treated me like their own, who had caught me when I fell down and needed to get back up.

My blood ran cold as she cried out, begging me to help her. My hand was glued to my mouth, afraid of what may escape.

"Prove to me you deserve that mark on your arm," the Dark Lord looked all to please with himself at my reaction.

"Kill her."


	25. How to Save A Life

For a few moments I stood frozen to the spot with my hand was still against my mouth. I could feel my eyes was still widened at the realization of who was kneeling in front of me and what I was being asked to do.

"Come now, this is what you wanted isn't it?" The Dark Lord was in front of me now, blocking the sight of Addison, his grin making the acid in my stomach rise. But this wasn't what I expected or wanted to really do. I could tell from the look in his eye, even without him saying anything, he knew more about my story than I would have wanted him too.

I finally lowered my hand to my side, the limb shaking slightly and turned my eyes to the ground, not wanting to look at him anymore as he found pleasure in my suffering.

"You must realize Katharine that I wasn't lying when I told you I know everything. " Suddenly, his hand was on my chin, forcing me to look back up at him again. This was the closest I had been to him and I could see how hard and cold his eyes truly were.

"I know your loyalties lie no more with me than they do with your mother. You did all of this for Severus, not because you believe what we believe or feel how we feel."

I went to protest but my voice got caught up in my throat. My body trembled now, no matter how much I willed it to stop and the tears were starting to form. I was terrified of what was to become of me now that he told me what he knew. I had betrayed him from the very beginning when I promised to serve only him.

If I didn't die right then and there, I was sure he was going to have something else in store for me.

"No need to be afraid. If I wanted to kill you, you would have already been dead. I am merely trying to get you to open your eyes and understand how much potential you truly have. I want you to learn from your mistakes. This isn't a gift I give out easily. You must know that."

Somehow I found my voice, shaky and weak. "What potential do I have?"

"That this is where you should be. Not because Severus lead you but because you belong here. It's in your blood, your true nature. You were always meant to be apart of this Katharine, despite your mother trying to shelter you from it."

"I…"

"No need to hide it anymore. Not from me."

I knew he was right. There was no reason to keep anything away from him anymore. He probably knew more about me and my past better than I did.

"If I belong here, then why make me do this?"

"You know why Katharine." he moved away from me so I could see Addison again, her pleading eyes burning into my flesh like lasers. He was behind me now, his breath hot against my skin as he spoke.

"You need to let go of that life you lead before. You need to let go of your job, your family and your mudblood friends." He moved over to Addison and stared down at her. She looked straight into his eyes, unafraid. The action making my stomach knot even more. Addison wasn't afraid of him, she was being strong.

I wish I had her strength.

"Everyone important to you thinks you're weak. Your mother, your stupid mudblood friend…" he took a step forward. "Especially Severus thinks you don't belong here."

I knew it but hearing the confirmation leaking out of the Dark Lord's mouth made the fire bubble inside of me. All my life I had been babied by everyone and even the man who I thought was in love with me, kept me hidden like a sheltered puppy. They had all made it clear to me that I would never be able to do anything I would put my mind too.

"Prove them wrong."

I wanted to prove them wrong, show them who I truly was. I was going to have control over my life and there was no one who could stop me. Every breath I took was filled with rage and determination. There was finally someone who was seeing my strength and my power, someone who believed in me.

Still, it didn't make this task any easier.

The Dark Lord reached over and ripped the gag from Addison's mouth. She let out a powerful scream before turning her attention to me. Her speech was frantic but with a purpose, she was always good with staying under pressure.

"Katharine!" she took in large gulps of air. "I've been so worried about you! We all have! I didn't know what happened to you and your mother wouldn't respond to me. Please help me!"

Hearing her voice, begging for help made it all too real. I couldn't feel the tears slowly starting to form again but pushed them out. I needed to be strong and in control.

I reached into my pocket, feeling the hardness of my wand and slowly pulled it out. I would have to use it, even if I decided to turn against the Dark Lord and try to escape with Addison. He would get a fight from me if my heart was in it.

Even still, I knew my mind was already made up.

"Katharine please! You are like my sister! We can escape from here! Get you help to hide away from this monster."

I caught the Dark Lord's eye and I realized that even if I ran from him I would never truly be away. I had taken the mark, a vow to be called upon whenever he needed me. Slowly I rolled up my sleeve and exposed my arm, showing it to Addison.

"There is no hiding from him. We would never get away."

For a moment, her eyes were wide as she looked at the mark and then a flash of anger crossed her face. "So that's it! You're going to let me die here? I am your best friend! You can't possibly be considering this!"

I gripped my wand tighter.

"Severus knew." The Dark Lord's voice came from nowhere. "He knew my plans and did he come to warn you? Did he tell you who I was bringing here and what I wanted you to do? Do you think this mudblood would have saved you?"

There was a chance he was lying, but when I looked right at him, something inside me told me it was the truth. Severus never wanted me to be here. He was probably hoping I'd fail and be killed.

"Do this Katharine and I will know where your true intentions lie. You will no longer be weighed down by the shame of not being good enough. Do this and I will never doubt you again."

"Oh my god. All of this for Severus Snape?" Addison's anger almost had her foaming at the mouth. "You did all this for a man? You're so pathetic you know that? All those people in school were right about you! You're weak Katharine!"

Deep down I knew that it was only her fear talking but, the words released a surge of anger that was at its boiling point. Everyone in my old life, did see me as weak and fragile, a woman unable to keep herself afloat. Now here the Dark Lord was, giving me a way to prove myself to everyone. Something that had never been given to me before.

"You bitch." she was wailing at the top of her lungs now as I circled around her, taking a spot next to the Dark Lord. I didn't want to see her eyes as the lights went out or her face contorted in horror as the act I was committing.

"I fucking hate you! I never loved you! You will rot in hell! You deserve everything you get!"

I felt like I had floated away from my body, my mind was going blank and my arms felt heavy as I lifted the wand up.

This wasn't about Severus anymore, this wasn't about my mother or my best friend. This was about wandering through life never feeling like I belong in the world my mother had carefully created for me. Always knowing that there was something missing but never being able to put my finger on it. In a short amount of time, this place had became my home, I had found myself a family and for once, I felt like the missing piece have been found.

This wasn't about them anymore.

This was about me.

"I hope you remember this night for the rest of your life Katharine Keeler." her words were full of venom.

I heard the Dark Lord laughing and then whispering the words I needed to say into my ear even though I knew them by heart. It was the curse we had been warned about, the one that would land you in Azkaban for the rest of your days.

"Avada Kedavra."

I felt nothing as her body hit the ground with a loud thud and I felt nothing as he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me what a good job I did.

"You belong to Severus no more. You are a true Death Eater now."

His words meant nothing even as he dismissed me and sent me back into the house to climb up the stairs alone. My body felt as if it was on autopilot while the driver was taking a nap. I saw Lacey waiting in my bed with a worried expression. She called out to my a few times.

I didn't respond, laying there for awhile until she came back into view.

She was getting frustrated with me, yanking me up and shaking my shoulders. Screaming in my face, even slapping me once. The slap should have stung but I couldn't feel anything, not even physical pain.

Suddenly I was being moved and pushed into the bathroom. My clothes were being torn off and the shower was being turned on. I was put underneath the water, the drops falling over my hair and into my eyes. Someone pushed the hair away from my face.

"Katharine!" Lacey's voice was clear now as she stood in front of me, naked as I was. Her hands were on my shoulder, trembling as she dug her fingers into my flesh. "Please speak to me!"

I locked eyes with her and she began to cry out. "You're back!"

"I'm sorry…" Slowly I felt the water begin to tingle on my back. I blinked a few times and rubbed more water away from my face. "I didn't realize I was…" my words trailed off as the water began to sting more.

"What the hell happened?" she gripped my cheeks with both of her hands. "What did he do to you?"

"He didn't…" I searched for the words but nothing made sense in my jumbled mind. "I just…"

A cold chill ran through my body as bits and pieces came back to me. Lacey was shaking me again, trying to get me to listen to her but I couldn't stop the flashes of memories. Nothing had felt real in that moment. It had been like a movie.

"What happened?" her voice was softer now and she let go of my face.

My mouth was running dry as I watched myself raising my wand over and and over again, the Dark Lord laughing behind me. My stomach began to twist over and over again until I tasted something sour in my mouth.

" _I hope you remember this night for the rest of your life Katharine Keeler!"_

"I killed her." Emotions started flying towards me all at once and I couldn't stop them. "Oh god I killed her!"

"Wait...killed who?"

I didn't have a chance to answer. Lacey jumped back as I began to gag and empty my stomach into the shower, unable to stop the sobs that were coming with it. All I could see was her face, over and over again.

"Katharine!" Was the last thing I heard before everything went dark.


End file.
